Sending Save the Dates to the B List Guest?

I have a B list too. I won't be sending Save the Dates to them. I don't want them to feel bad if they don't get invited. Plus it will be awkward.

If you were referring to my comment when i said its "super fucking rude" I was talking about what happened to us....The bride told us directly that we were on the B list...I thought THAT was rude...not you.....

O lawd, here we go..

FutureMrsPereira- nope not you at all, I agree that would be rude. I'm just trying to find a way to invite everyone we really want there without going over 150.

People are answering your question. NO. You shouldn't. It's rude.

Ok....We had the same problem we didn't want to go over 150 and we're up to 178!!! Yeah, we have to cut down on the list. Good luck!

Another great reason not to do them at all....

FutureMrsPereira- thanks! you too

Agree with others. Only people who are for sure invited should get an STD. How many do you have on each list? If you dont mind me asking.

Alyshadanielle- we have 145 on the first list (but I know that about 10 ppl can't come) and about 10-15 ppl on the second list.

I wouldn't even worry about having a B list since its only 10-15 people. That is still very close to 150.

I don't have a problem with the "B list" as well, but only send the Save the date if you know for sure they will be invited to the wedding! Which makes them the A list i would think???

B-list should be people you want to invite, but depending on how many "no's" you get you are not sure if you can accommodate them...

And, its NOT rude to send someoene an invite with proper notice (more than a month's notice) to a wedding and not sending them a save the date.

It is rude to send someone a save the date and not a wedding invite, UNLESS a friend has done something to you that just don't consider them an acquaintance in that time being (I do have one "friend" like this, who FH does not want to invite...even though she got a save the date). This is a mutual friend, who hasn't talked to me since a complicated situation occurred. I really don't care if you think i'm being rude not sending the invite, but she's the rude one to not want to continue a friendship just because of something that doesn't concern her.

And, on the venue..that's kinda weird that you have a minimum guest count. Do you really like this venue for location or something??

Absolute not! No STD should be sent to people who may not be invited.

I wouldn't worry about having the B list either Sabrina - They say that 10% of people you invite wont rsvp. If you invite 160 you should be good.

Julie- Thank you. I live in Chicago and majority of the venues have either a guest limit or food & beverage limit. We absolutely love our venue and coordinator. They actually just won an award from Wedding Wire.

I have a similar issue with a friend right now. The main problem is that we can only pay for 150 guests. I know that 20-30% of the guest we invited might not show up but we don't want to send out too many invites to make up for it and then have more than 150 guests attending. If i'm short a few ppl then I will put my vendors at those tables.

I don't think b listing is rude at all- we have a b list because I'm family is quite large, I also have some OOT travelers who I'll send an invite to but I'm sure will decline.

Not doing save the dates for this exact reason! Only send them to people you're sure are coming, or dont send at all to avoid any awkwardness.

It seems like people have been confusing STD's for invites.. Only send the STD's for the VIP or OOT guests that you know are first priority on your list. If they are on the B list- do not send one. my DH has a huge family and we knew a lot wouldn't make it to the wedding since they live half way across the country but we still didn't send STD's to other people we would have liked to be there

I'm in a very, very similar boat - my father's side of the family can fill up the entire guest list alone, and really they all need to be invited. What we did: before we sent out STDs, we emailed the extended family to give them a heads up on the date and try to gauge who definitely is in our out. They know its HUGE group, so they understand the planning logistics. With an idea of how many of the extended relatives could/couldn't come, we added more friends to the list. Then everyone got an STD, and yes we're chancing that some people will come when we didn't think they would. I keep having to remind myself of all of this every time I look my list of 197 invitees for a 125 person wedding...

This could end up being a logistical nightmare, and not something you're going to want to deal with six weeks before your wedding. The STDs to a B-list? There's no way to justify that. Inviting a number of people you can't accommodate because you're counting on declines? I don't have the guts for that so I'd never consider it. There have been brides who've done this in the past. They come back in a panic when the family that was never going to attend makes a group decision to make a family reunion out of the wedding. You can do what you want, but it's not anonymous posters on WW judging you that will matter if it doesn't work out as planned and those awkward phone calls have to made.

If you can't guarantee you will invite them, don't send. Sending a STD is basically sending an invitation.