Secret Elopement - who to tell?

Just tell everyone that you plan on eloping at some point and want to have an intimate ceremony with just you and your future husband. If you don't tell them when or where, they can't show up.

Well. An elopement by definition is when the two of you jet off to get married privately, and then tell everyone after.

If you tell some, people that you don't want knowing are going to find out. It just happens with secrets.

I agree with Laura, just tell them you plan to do it but not when and where. Then just go on vacation or whatever and get it dnoe.

I agree, don't tell them when or where but it's probably fine to tell them you're eloping so they're not expecting the big wedding stuff and it takes away some of the shock.

Hi Lyn: I'd first of all recommend that you change your avatar to anything besides the double rings as those are used by trolls and most people won't take the time to post because of this. Secondly, if you tell your friends, are you planning on inviting any of them? Either way I'd want to know before hand but I would also want to know that you aren't inviting all that many people because of X reasons so I wouldn't be offended that you left me out. However, I think I'd be more offended if you told me after the fact-- like I was just a passing thought and you just remembered to tell me-- if that makes sense. If you aren't having a reception, I'd invite your closest friends to the ceremony though.

If you're not getting along with your family now, it will be worse if you elope, tell your friends, and don't tell them. They will find out. If one person knows, soon lots of people will know. I would do it the other way around. I would tell your parents and surprise your friends.

Question: why will they want to intervene?

We have told a few people, but not everyone. We will be sending wedding announcements after the ceremony, and then having a small dinner party at a later date. Those who matter are already well aware of our desire to simply book an appointment at City Hall to sign some papers, so it will come as no surprise to them when we tell them it happened.

Thank you for all the feedback and advice so far, it's really helpful. To answer Ashlee's question, we're worried that our families might intervene like trying to talk us out of it or probe us for information on the date and location. Not that we would tell them under those circumstances, but it take some of the joy out of it. We've already invited a couple close friends to be our witnesses and we're throwing an "engagement party" at our house for friends, the day after our elopement. Of course, when they arrive they'll find it's not really an engagement party but an elopement celebration. (I'm new to the forum so didn't realize that the double rings were trolls, thanks! )

Why would they intervene and talk you out of this? Be a grown up, elope if you want to, don't deceive your friends and family.

My BFF eloped, she told me and her FH family. her mom is in a nursing home after an aneurysm and she didn't want her to feel bad for not being able to make it and she didn't want friends to give them a hard time. only myself and her inlaws were there. she posted pictures after the fact and told people.

I think though if you already suspect that it will cause issues just don't tell anyone and just go do it. either way i think that they are going to be disappointed

I wouldn't tell anyone. It will more than likely end up coming out and your family will get involved. If anyone asks, just say you're still working on the details. Then tell everyone at the party together.

Keep it a secret, except to those you need there for witnesses (if any). Send out a "we eloped!" announcement and be done. The more people you tell, the more likely word will get back to those your don't want to know.

Tell them you're planning on eloping only a few days before you do it. Don't tell them when or where.

I wouldn't tell your friends the specifics either. You never know who might agree with your family and spill the beans.

Two of my college professors eloped. No one even knew they were dating! They sent out these amazing wedding announcements to announce their elopement about a month after they were married. They wore vintage clothes and took shots with their dalmatian!

Yeah, I wouldn't tell anyone until after. Centerpiece is right, if you tell friends, and your family finds out about that, it could make things worse.

I agree with Centerpiece-- not telling your family in advance that you are planning to elope can do more harm than it's worth. . .

As someone who knows people who have done something similar, I beg you (nicely) to not ask your friends to keep your secrets. If you and your fiance want it to be a secret, that's up to you, but putting that burden on others is not cool. I would elope quickly, then you wouldn't have the need to hide it from anyone and could still have the celebration later. Planning an elopement is an oxymoron anyway.

As others have said, you may harm your already-damaged relationship with your family once they find out you kept this from them. People can get over not being included if you're up front with them, but lies are harder to forget.

Good luck!

To understand this- you're eloping and have told a few friends about it and want to keep it a secret from your family? And then you're having an engagement party when you return??

I would tell no one your plans, elope and send an "We got Married" announcement when you return. I wouldn't be happy if i was going to an engagement party and found out you eloped, but that's just my opinion.

We do loads of these. Tell your parents, invite them to your wedding and do it fast. Tell your friends afterwards.

Meghan - That's basically what we've decided. We're much closer with our friends than our families. I only have a few living relatives left and the remaining ones have the potential to ruin the day for us (drinking, drug problems, etc.) When they found out I got engaged, their first reactions were, "You're getting married again? Don't expect us to buy you gifts the second time around." My FH's family is very liberal when it comes to marriage, so elopements aren't unheard of for them.

We've decided to tell our friends, the ones who are invited to the "engagement party," that we're thinking about eloping so that it's not so much of a shock to them. My two closest girlfriends, who are like sisters to me, and my FH's brother will be our witnesses. We've set the date for October 16th, which is pretty fast considering we only just got engaged a couple weeks ago.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their advice, even if it's not the advice we end up following. It's good to hear other perspectives, so I have a better idea what reactions to expect from everyone.