Second Wedding for Youngish Bride

This will be my first and my Fh second. He wanted the big wedding, because he had to the big wedding the first time. He wants it better then the first time because this time counts.

I'm 36 and this is my second. We're still having a normal ceremony and reception. We are dressing more casual, but that's because we are casual people.

Our church pastor refused to marry us, because of our divorces! We found a cute little historic chapel and a new church

Have the wedding you want!

@Rachel, that veil is gorgeous!

I'm a stickler for etiquette but see no reason why you cannot be a bride (really no other way to state it). Do it up big! This is your wedding to the right guy - you need to celebrate it :-)

I think people judge no matter what. Have the wedding you want. And as long as you host your guests properly then they should have no reason to complain or judge. I mean they still will find something, (not just because this is your second marriage) about your centerpieces, how far they have to drive, your favors or lack there of, start time of your ceremony, blah blah. I wouldn't worry.

Good points, everyone! I'm feeling a lot less SHAMED!

I don't think there is anything special you need to consider about your situation. The reason everything you're finding is targeted at middle aged remarriages for folks with children is because THOSE are the kinds of things that create special circumstances.

For many mid-aged remarriages the differences from their first marriages are that their current life is largely defined as an extension of their history. They have children. They have exes who may have become one of their closest friends after divorce. These experiences all shape a person's understanding of how to love another person, how to be receptive to another person's love, how to be compassionate and understanding, etc. This history manifests in the new marriage in many ways, and as a result the upcoming remarriage has a different meaning for the couple than a marriage for a younger couple who don't have those factors coming into the relationship.

Just from your description, I feel like your upcoming wedding has more in common with a typical first marriage than it does with a typical mid-aged remarriage. Certainly, the things that usually distinguish the two don't sound like they apply to your situation.

I had my second wedding and it was on the smaller side. First time I went to the courthouse so second time I wanted something a little bigger. It was DH's first. The only thing I did different is I personally think it is very tacky to have a bridal shower for a second wedding. We also had it spread by word of mouth (thanks sisters!) that we absolutely didn't want any gifts and anything given would be donated.

The veil thing is hilarious because a veil does not represent virginity, it's because the groom would have not seen the bride previously in an arranged marriage so they keep her covered until after the ceremony is complete so it's too late to run away! So if we're all following the proper traditions, according to your friend, no one should be wearing a veil! (Unless you are actually afraid your husband to be might run away upon seeing you).

Moral of this story: people are usually idiots about this, and you should ignore them. Do what you would do if this were your first wedding and ignore the haters. Congratulations, by the way! I'm sure your wedding will be lovely!

Regardless if it's your first or your 5th wedding. Its your day. Make it how you like!

I am wearing white and a veil for my second wedding. Remember you can not control other people's opinions but you can choose not to listen to them. Make it yours. The mistake I did with my first wedding was making decisions out of guilt and shame due to circumstances and my choices ( if you want details you can ask.). I am not making that same mistake. I think it is too easy to do.

You are a bride no matter what. Wear what you want!

Please have the wedding you want. there are no rules for your wedding except to have the wedding you really want. I don't care if this is your 1st marriage or 10th...every wedding is unique and yours to create...not for others to dictate how they should be.

While this is my first marriage, it is FH's third. His first marriage was a mistake (his words, not mine) trying to "do the right thing" after the girl he was getting ready to dump magically became pregnant. The 2nd marriage he thought was true love until she woke up one day and randomly moved back to Illinois. Both were courthouse weddings, and no one even really knew about his 2nd marriage until they divorced.

He's never had a "wedding" in the iconic definition of the word, so we are doing what we can afford.

This includes looking at white dresses (we've been living together for 7.5 years), a veil, a registry of small items (although we honestly aren't expecting anything, lol).

The only thing I'm skipping is the bridal shower, mostly because I'm not quite sure what they are and also because I'm across the country from my BM's and would rather save money to spend on something else for the wedding.

It's your wedding! And whether it is the 1st, 3rd or 25th, it's totally different now that you're with your FH, so you guys should do what you want

Haters gonna hate - girl, you can do whatever you want for this second wedding. Wear the biggest damn veil you can find, buy a beautiful dress in white (if that's the color you choose!) and dance your socks off at your reception. There will always be people in life that judge others for their choices. We call them assholes. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, I hope it's the day of your dreams!

@Sarah - No, you definitely didn't offend me! I just threw that in there because I thought it was funny that you said that about ex-in-laws. I have pretty unique circumstances in that my current husband and I have a very good relationship with my ex-husband's dad. We're closer to him than my ex is, honestly. I know that's not the norm, though.

But you're right when you say that people are going to judge no matter what. And that's not just because you're a second time bride. Someone will judge pretty much everything anyone does, no matter what. But it doesn't really matter. Rest easy knowing it's impossible to please everyone.

I'm also in a similar situation. Got married the first time at 21. Divorced a few years later, no kids. Now I'm 30 and getting married to the person I've been obsessed with since high school. We're doing everything how we want, got a beautiful dress and am going to wear a veil (never wore one the first time). I chose to forgo the bridal shower 1. Because I did feel guilty that my family had already bought me gifts once and 2. Because I hate being the center of attention, and sitting there opening gifts in front of everyone sounds mortifying. My FMIL is planning an afternoon get together (no gifts) with my bridal party and very immediate family, just so everyone can get to know each other.

I'm so sorry about your 1st marriage. That would be a nightmare for me! Congratulations on your next wedding though. It's your big day! You do what you feel comfortable w/!