Second reception

I think it depends on what you mean by "less extravagant".

View Quoted Comment For the wedding we are doing plated 3 course dinner and an open bar with floral and decor in every aspect. The reception will be a buffet and a cash bar with diy decor and floral

Buffet, diy decor is common for any wedding. I, personally, don't think cash bars are a huge problem, but you're going to get a lot of pushback on that here.


In your case, I'd probably skip a registry because 1. You're already imposing on guests with the destination wedding, 2. How will you and your guests transport the gifts, 3. You're sort of imposing on guests with a cash bar, 4. What you're doing is technically a tiered reception (although very common for destination weddings), 5. Your second event is huge and less hosted, emphasizing the tiered aspect of the second party, 6. Having a registry will make your second party seem more gift grabby, just given the overall circumstances
Having a bigger, local party after a destination wedding is typically done for guest convenience. You don't want guests misinterpeting your intentions.

View Quoted Comment We aren't asking for any gifts. We have a honeymoon fund set up but on the registry page and on the honeymoon fund we let everyone know we would much rather they come to our wedding or reception and celebrate with us than get gifts. I would love to do an open bar or provide our own but the venue we found only allows us to use thier bartenders and the open bar is too expensive

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I think a honeyfund is worse than a gift registry. Now your second party looks like a cash grab rather than a gift grab, which from a guest perspective, is the same thing, but tackier. Honeyfunds and cash funds also get a lot of side eye, as they are relatively new, and are often deemed to be in violation of etiquette.


I'm not opposed to cash bars. Weddings are expensive. I'm not opposed to a bigger, local reception after a small destination wedding. That's pretty common, and as a guest, I'd appreciate the option. I'm all about buffet and DIY. I love buffet. I prefer it. I don't care if your centerpieces are DIY. That's your style, budget, and business.
I'm just saying in the totality of things, your bigger party is likely to be perceived as a cash grab, regardless of your intent. The best way to avoid this is get rid of the honeyfund, make no mention of gifts. Of course your website is going to say you don't care about the gifts. That's how you politely ask for gifts/cash.
A 50 guest wedding is still a full blown wedding. A 300 guest wedding is huge. A guest is likely to think that you blew all your money on the destination wedding, then cheaped out for your bigger party with the hopes of getting more cash, which is what a honeyfund is for. Having no fund or registry whatsoever sends a strong(er) message that your intent is to celebrate with everyone, and you're doing so within budget

A party for 300 people is going to be pricey even if you cut corners. Personally I d cut down the guest list so I could supply plenty of food and drink for my guests. There's also chance people won't come if they aren't invited to the actual wedding. For me I d be sad to not see/be invited to the ceremony thats the sweetest part of a wedding for me. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment The second reception is mainly a curtisy. We weren't initially planing on having it. Family who couldn't make it asked if we were going to do something for them to celebrate. So we priced together a budget from what's left from the wedding to build a reception locally.

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This may come off as a consolation event, particularly since the level of hosting is not the same as for the actual wedding. People may assume you're doing this for less money and for the gifts. The honey fund and cash bar don't help that appearance. If you are truly hosting this, then your guests should not have to pull out their money at your event.

The best way to cut costs is to cut the guest list to a level that you can afford to host fully. Good luck, I'm sure that's not easy.

View Quoted Comment We are still putting care and attention to the reception, but it's going to cost half as much as the wedding. We wanted to have our dream wedding at Disney so we budgeted to do so. A lot of family and friends said they couldn't make it to the wedding but still wanted to celebrate with us. We started setting up a budget for the reception but we can't afford a second lavish reception. As much as I would love an open bar we can't afford that a second time there fore the cash bar. We aren't asking for gifts from anyone but because some family can't make it to either they asked us for ideas so we did set up a honeymoon fund that anyone can gift us. On our website it states that we are not asking for anything and just want to celebrate this with family and friends. I have a very large family and cutting back would just be insulting to certain family if I would cut them out. We don't have it blasted all over our website or invites about the honeymoon fund it is the last tab on our website. I don't understand what you mean by less hosted as we still have a planner and will have a DJ and a band and different activities. The biggest difference is we don't have 30k to spend on just a reception and will be closer to 10 to 15k.

I want to clarify because it seems to be getting misconstrued with my initial post that the reception is not an afterthought to the wedding and we did discuss and budget both the wedding and reception. The wedding includes a reception for guests attending and because we wanted to have a dream wedding we are splurging at the wedding. We invited our close family and friends and a few extended family that stated they would want and like to attend the ceremony. We are spending close to 30k that we have diligently saved up for over the last few years in order to have this dream wedding. The second reception is going to be local and using friends and family to help plan and set up. DIY decor and floral, sister is making the cake, uncle is DJing, a friends band wanted to preform for us. A coworker is going to cater. We handpicked a beautiful location that can fit upwards of 300 people and the venue wants to help with decor and set up. Its a budget friendly reception. It's going to cost less than 15k. If I could do an open bar I would which seems to be where everyones eyes are falling on. I wanted people opinions on if we should cut back some costs of the wedding to add to the reception. Such as should we cut back on how much we spend on floral and decor at the wedding and pay a local florist to set up the second reception. Should I pay for a catering company rather than a friend or if anyone can think of where I can swap costs. Outside of the honeymoon fund and cash bar.

Were all 300 guests invited to the destination wedding? (50 is still a significant number.) Since your posted question was specifically asking whether your two events should be balanced "a bit more", the general consensus seems to be that yes it does if you are fully hosting for one but not the other (cash bar rather than hosted/open bar). Another alternative toward a more balanced approach would be to serve just wine/beer (not as expensive as having a full bar).

Edit: I sent reply just as you sent clarification.

View Quoted Comment We did not invite all 300 to the wedding. We invited about 75 people that were the closest to us and we absolutely wanted at our wedding.

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It is amazing that you are getting to have your dream wedding and as you stated you invited your must haves to that event. Personally I d save yourself the money and the stress on the 2nd reception and just have the time of your life at the Disney one. Best of luck to you and enjoy your special day it sounds fabulous!!

View Quoted Comment Thank you 😁 we were definitely super excited to be able to plan and budget to have our wedding at Disneyland! Definitely something we were contemplating to not have a second reception 🤔

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Then this is a tiered reception and offensive to most. You do not need to have the 2nd reception because of some people's hurt feelings. They will give you the side eye: 1) for not being on the A list, 2) for a honeyfund request(cash grab), and 3) after all that, that they must pay for drinks. I think you should just own your Disney wedding-- the wedding you really want, and forego the post event because it looks like an afterthought. Just because others are offering free or discounted services, doesn't make this less awkward. Maybe plan a 5-year anniversary party.

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This is what I was trying to say.

Sorry if I was a bit too direct, but it sounds like those relatives are pressuring you to throw a reception just for them. If they really wanted to celebrate you, they would foot the entire bill, but instead they expect you to PLAN A SECOND WEDDING & use your own $15k (which is impossible for 300 ppl btw). You could use that money & brain space for your married life. And everyone else can have their own block party.

I would scrap the second reception and instead have your grand Disney wedding with 50 guests. If I were excluded from the main event and only invited to the second reception with a cash bar, then I would be pretty annoyed and maybe even offended. I would definitely assume that the couple was using the second reception as a cash grab. I would personally avoid having a tiered wedding and instead focus on your main event only