Second Guessing the "plan"

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I think a big reception later will be the way to go.

My mother would be absolutely devastated if I eloped too! She told me I don't have to invite anyone else except her, but she would be heartbroken if she wasn't part of it. Luckily no one has decided to invite or tell us to invite additional people; fifteen people was half your original guest list, that's insane! Sometimes when I hear some of the things future in-laws pull I feel relieved I don't have to negotiate two sets of parents, though I do wish I had at least gotten to meet them because my FH doesn't talk about them. Even without his parents though his immediate family is still much bigger than mine, so I definitely understand the uneven guest list! I hope your RSVPs put you at a more comfortable number!

Why do families always cause so much drama?!? We decided to draw the line at aunts and uncles because cousins would add around 50 people with their families, and I think we went wrong when we stopped focusing on the quality of our relationships and started thinking in terms of the type of relationship. Around 30 for ceremony and 60 for the reception is probably what we would end up with too. Are you doing the reception on the same day or later?

Thank you so much, this is perfect advice - do what makes you smile! I'm applying the Marie Kondo method to wedding planning from now on - I will only choose that which brings me joy!

Thanks, and good luck to you too!

Thank you! I feel weird about inviting people to celebrate with us but not witness the ceremony, but I guess in our case if we go with the site that only allows 35 max most people will understand.

If you want a small wedding, have a small one. There's nothing wrong with that. If you need to know what to say to the relatives that aren't invited, just tell them that you're having a very small and intimate wedding. I wouldn't see it as you snubbing your aunts and uncles. If your FH doesn't have parents and his aunt is like a second mom, that's not the same as you only inviting his relatives. Make sense?

I absolutely feel you on the small guest list not including other family members thing. I'm only personally close with a handful of my family. Of my paternal family members I grew up with outside of my immediate family, I'm only inviting one cousin + his wife and kids. Totally skipping over his two sisters and his mom. We're not close, we all know we're not close, and I don't genuinely hate people normally, but it's pretty clear I hate my aunt. I don't care that our guest list is lopsided. I refuse to extend an invitation to people whose presence makes me angry. That's the last thing I need on our wedding day. So we'll be inviting all of FH's aunts and uncles and none of mine. Alternatively, FH isn't necessarily super close with any of his cousins. He doesn't hate them, they just aren't friends. There's also a TON of them (enough to bump up the budget by a couple hundred dollars) so he said to just not bother. They won't care and we won't really notice if they aren't there. Your wedding should be about celebrating with your absolute nearest and dearest, etiquette be damned. If all of your nearest and dearest fall within 35 guests, use that big red marker and go for that space.