Marie
Just Said Yes October 2021

Second guessed my wedding dress, not sure how to share with my immediate family i got a new dress?

Marie, on September 7, 2021 at 9:19 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 10
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My first dress I bought last year and I had some doubts about it but then I got it and I was alright with it. Never had that bridal moment but I was really over the whole dress thing after 5-6 places. I’m plus too so I’m really picky about how this s look.


However, after my fittings, I really started to second guess my dress. Things I thought I liked just bugged me. The tailor is kind of high end and expensive (about $1700 in alterations so far) I went to really kind of made it worse, suggested sleeves, I paid for them and it just made me really hate this dress. She’s gonna charge me to remove them, etc. and I’m getting married in 3 weeks.
So I went today to a little off the rack shop and found literally the dress of my dreams. It was everything I wanted, fits perfectly, only needs a hem and bustle and it’s on track to be done by the 20th.
I feel really strange about telling my family about this…the money wasn’t an issue for us and I’m a lot happier so we are just happy with that. But I’m worried how my parents or family might react at this sudden change. The sleeves on my dress were atrocious—but some family who don’t like the tattoos I have were like “omg best decision you made Ever” and it just feels like that’s what made me feel so pressured to buy that first dress.
Thanks.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on September 8, 2021 at 6:39 PM
  • Rosie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    You should absolutely feel amazing in your dress. My sister changed hers, and as closest family who had been with her when she selected the first dress and not there when she chose the second.... sure we were a bit disappointed the moment we'd shared with her wasn't in the dress she ended up wearing on her day, but she felt so much better in the new dress, and that's all that really mattered to us! It's your day, not your relative's, so you should wear what makes you feel most beautiful!

    You could just white lie and be like, "the alterations lady totally ruined the dress - I can't even get into it now. She cut the hem too short, the bodice didn't fit, and there was nothing for it but to buy a new one, thank GOODNESS I found one off the rack. No, I think I'd like it to be a surprise for the day, but I LOVE it and am so much happier than the dress I had before, especially after it was spoilt - I know you'll love it too, and I can't wait to share it with you on the day'

    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    You don't have to share with them at all, let them see it the day of your wedding. Your dress, your decision!
    • Reply
  • Cece
    Super November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    First of all, congratulations on finding the dress of your dreams!! You deserve to wear a dress that you feel beautiful and confident and radiant in… and no one else’s opinion matters! I don’t feel you need to even disclose that you have purchased a new dress. Why give them the opportunity to voice negative opinions and try to talk you out of it? If I were you, I would just march confidently down that aisle, beaming in your new dress! Hopefully once everyone sees how beautiful and happy you are, no one will have a negative thing to say. And if they do… ignore them! After all, who cares about the opinion of somebody so uncouth they would make a negative comment to a bride on her wedding day?!
    • Reply
  • Cece
    Super November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    I just wanted to add that no one should ever make you feel as though you need to cover your tattoos on your wedding day, if you don’t want to. You chose to get them, and they are a part of you. Of all days, why would you want to hide who you are on your wedding day?? (and why would loved ones want you to?!)
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Master August 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry you felt that way but I'm also very happy that you found the dress of your dreams. That's all that matters and honestly, tell them straight out how you felt and that you think you made the right decision for yourself and your happiness. If your family can't deal with it, that's on them. Or you can totally surprise them the day of and just don't say anything lol.

    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    You could always just surprise them! My sister bought a traditional white dress (and showed everyone, including her fiancé) but later bought a gorgeous red dress that was so her. Everyone was happily surprised at her wedding!
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Devoted May 2022
    Samantha ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Yes! Just don't tell them!

    • Reply
  • K
    Just Said Yes February 2022
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    If it is any consolation, I wanted to comment to reassure you that you are actually not alone in this type of situation as I am struggling with the same dilemma myself!

    I bought my original wedding dress last summer with my mother, sister, and MIL in-tow. They were so excited about every single dress so the first one I actually thought I liked, they swooned over it. With the combination of their excitement, it being the first shop I visited, feeling the need to plan things immediately (really bought into those "need your dress by 8 months out, no exceptions!!" timelines), and the dress being under budget, I impulsively said yes and purchased it. While I kind of regretted it immediately, I convinced myself it was just because I hadn't gotten it in my size yet and once it arrived and I got it tailored, I'd love it. Paid for the alterations and turned out, I disliked it even more.

    Fast-forward, our February wedding got postponed to next February so I stewed about it all year and tried to convince myself that I spent the money so I'm stuck with it and everyone will be really judgmental if I bought a second dress. However, my husband (COVID weddings, you know) talked sense into me and offered to go shopping with me the past couple of weeks so I didn't have to invite any of them this time and could really make the choice myself.

    I ended up finding another dress that I actually do love. Even did the sensible thing and took a couple days to think about it before trying it on again and deciding to buy it.

    I come from a lower middle-class family where money has always been a sensitive topic. My husband and I are lucky in that we are in good places financially and therefore tend to be better off than most of my immediate family so the thought of telling them I essentially double my cost of my dress by buying a second one sounds super stressful.

    But the moral of the story is pretty simple: it is your wedding day. It is your dress that you get to wear for this one occasion. And if you're going to spend lots of money on something, it should be something you want to wear! No one else's opinion really matters in the end.

    In regard to telling them or not, do what you feel is going to be less stressful for you! Want to get it out of the way before the wedding? Do that. Want to surprise everyone at the wedding? Do that. Whatever works best for YOU.

    For me, personally, I think I'm going to wait until my dress is in, altered and ready to go then tell them ahead of time. Likely a girls night or a wedding planning night where I can try it on and they can still have that moment as a group of being able to see me in it before the rest of the guests.

    No matter how you do it (or don't do it!), so happy for you that you found a dress you love and can be excited to wear on your wedding day! Congratulations!!

    • Reply
  • Milada
    Rockstar October 2021
    Milada ·
    • Flag

    Kristin gave such a beautiful response to your similar situations so I'll echo her and everyone:

    Your dress, your decision

    Please don't feel bad, upset, scared, or worried about choosing a dress you love and that goes double for your tattoos showing or not. Its amazing that you found a dress you love and could get altered in time - truly a blessing!

    • Reply
  • M
    Savvy November 2021
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    Marie, I literally just had a similar experience last week! My original dress had an open back that started bugging me right away. I was to have the seamstress build a back and went with the flow because MOH and mom loved it! That was like 4 months ago.on my first fitting the seamstress said she couldn't do it. So, stuck between a rock and hard place I decided to try on more dresses. Telling both of them I got a new dress was hard. They did not seem as amused at the situation as I was. The second dress was beautiful and I bought it but I also did not love it. So I got a third dress!! This one off the rack, much less expensive and fits me and my style so well. My mom had a totally melt down when I told her the events but I've been totally cool about it! We have to do what makes us happy and they will just have to deal with it.
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