Seating those who do not RSVP

I'm with Ms Dani. I'm a little salty on this subject. This is going to be my soapbox moment. I think we as brides and grooms perpetuate the rudeness of showing when you didn't RSVP or showing when you said you weren't coming. My feeling is that if you tell me no, or still don't give me an answer after I track your a$$ down and flat out ask, then you don't get a damn seat, and my wedding coordinator will tell you "too bad, so sad, wah, wah" there isn't a place for you. I feel like if brides and grooms were more consitent with this it wouldn't be as much of a problem.

I would do what Lara said to be polite but secretly I would be thinking what Ms. Dani313 said haha

If people don't RSVP even after a follow up, they better not show up. If they do, my DOC will seriously have to send them back home.

You should indicate on your RSVPs when the deadline is to RSVP. A good window of time is 4 weeks before the wedding. Usually venues require you to give a final headcount 2 weeks before the wedding. You can use those two weeks before to chase down the stragglers, call them, email them, however you want to do it. If you still get no response, then don't include them in the numbers.

I agree MsDani is so right however I'm too much of a coward to do that. I am just hoping I make it clear enough on my reservation cards and that when I ask them they give me a definite answer and don't think it is okay to just change their mind.

I've seen quite a few brides post on here that they called people who had not mailed back their RSVPs. The people (put on the spot) said they would attend, but then did not.

Perhaps it would be better to have your coordinator (or someone else) call them. The guests will not worry so much about saying NO and hurting her/his feelings.

Whoever calls the guests needs to make it clear that if the answer is not yes, it is no. If it is maybe or I'll get back to you, the answer is no. Final numbers must be turned in to the venue and/or caterer.

You are right Matt but I'm just not able to turn someone away. Whether they are being rude or not. I just feel I need to have extra seats just in case some rude people decide to show up whether they deserve a seat or not.

@travelers - Are you also going to give the caterer a higher number? Seems like a waste if no one extra turns up.

You should call anyone whose rsvp you don't get - or have your mom or mil help you do it if there is a lot.

I wouldn't plan seating for anyone who doesn't show

Their seats are in their car. Sorry kids. You didn't RSVP; we didn't plan for you.

I probably will give him about five extra people. But I am not paying for anymore than that. It will all depend on how I feel after the RSVPs come in and how the well the guests respond.

@Travelers...I get it...you want to be nice. But at what point do you say enough.

This is a wedding where food is per person. Meaning I need to know if you are coming. Far too many people have got it in their head that making plans last minute is okay when it is on someone else's dime.

And I too love my family. But I'm standing my ground. There is no excuse for not RSVPing!

If someone shows up without properly RSVPing...table 21!

Matt do you recommend the DOC send those that do not RSVP away. I'm just confused on how this would go? I am open to suggestions.

Pretty much @travelers!!!!

Maybe not as GymRat has put it...though the wording is tempting.

DOCs are there to make sure the day runs smooth. Mine has told me that she has no problem turning people away with a smile on her face. If the DOC does their job properly you won't even know.

We didn't have any extra seats because we were exactly at capacity. If anyone who didn't RSVP had shown up there wouldn't have been room for them. We had a small wedding so we already invited within a couple people of capacity and then when we realized we had room for 2 more people my father insisted on inviting a buddy of his and his wife because "They asked about the wedding!". *eye roll* But whatever, it didn't really affect me too much and it made my dad happy. Though it did mean I had to completely change the seating charts last minute and it super stressed me out.

If we had had spare room I would have just left any extra seats at partially full tables and written up escort cards that said "I didn't RSVP but came anyway - Table X" instead of "Name - Table X".

Whatever seats I have left will be floater tables. The chances of me having people who I didn't even invite show up to my wedding is 100%. However once the hall is full, it's full. Should have rsvp ed

I seriously don't get it. You're offering a (theoretically) lovely evening with music, drinks, music, conversation, dancing....and they can't be bothered to RSVP?

Fuck 'em. Seriously. Unless you're Brangelina or Oprah, you can take the five minutes it takes to RSVP, when your hosts have been planning your experience for, in some cases, up to two years.

I have no patience for this variety of rudeness, and no, I wouldn't call them. I'd let them pay for their etiquette gaffe by being turned away.

We had to track down a few who didn't rsvp. I assumed they weren't coming but I still rang or messenged them to find out for definite. They said they weren't coming. We had one or two (who had rsvp yes), who rang just before we submitted final numbers apologiseing saying that they really hoped to make it but due two possible hospital trip / illness they wouldn't know until the morning off. That was fine we included them,they came four others cancelled after final numbers who we had to pay for. Definitely make sure you have a yes or no from everyone before you hand in your numbers. Call, text, message both, whichever and express to them how you need a reply as you have to give final numbers to the venue as they won't accommodate extra people,after its handed in

( tell your non rsvpers that, a small white lie in this case won't do any harm).

@Celia, LOL agreed!

Also LOL @ table 21!

I was going to make a post about this some day because I had the same question. I am very glad to have this answered!