Sydney
Dedicated April 2019

Seating Grandfather's Girlfriend

Sydney, on March 6, 2018 at 5:12 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 28
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Hi All! I have a question on how I should seat my single (wife deceased) Grandfather. Now, my Grandmother, his wife, passed in 1997, so a very long time ago and since then, he's had a lady companion for about the past 2 years or so. I heard through the grapevine, that she was concerned about whether or not she would be escorted down the aisle with him, seemingly as the place of a Grandmother. My initial plan was to have her seated with the family but not escorted. What are your thoughts on this? I have a rather large family of cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. who obviously will not be escorted and since she isn't MY Grandmother I don't really see a problem with her being seated in the front (there will be 25 other people in the first few rows) but not escorted. Just some kind of guidance would be appreciated.


*Honestly, I'm more of turned off/annoyed that she's so concerned and assumed she would be escorted. But what is the "proper" way to do this?

28 Comments

Latest activity by Tammy, on March 7, 2018 at 1:50 PM
  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
    • Flag
    I would have everyone seated, I don't see the reason behind being escorted. Although, having them walk down the aisle is also not a big deal.
    • Reply
  • PrincessLawrence
    VIP June 2018
    PrincessLawrence ·
    • Flag

    I have the same problem. My grandfathers girl friend no one likes her for sure. She is not walking down the isle he will walk alone. But she is being seated with my aunts and uncles with my grandfather

    • Reply
  • Colleen
    Super October 2017
    Colleen ·
    • Flag
    I think this depends on your relationships with them. My husband's grandfather is marroed for the 3rd time, his wives are deceased. My husband never knew his grandmother. His grandfather and his wife walked down together.
    Both of my grandfathers were deceased before I was born and my grandmothers never remarried. They were both escorted by family members or groomsmen.
    It depends on how much you'd like to honor your grandmother and if you think his girlfriend would hinder that.
    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    Are you having ushers? They are the ones who escort people to their seats. They would normally escort all the female guests, so in that case she would be escorted.

    If you are not having ushers, who will be doing the escorting you are referencing?

    ETA merriam-webster.com/dictionary/usher

    Definition of usher : one who escorts persons to their seats
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2018
    mimi ·
    • Flag

    ? Why is your Grandfather going to be escorted? I haven't ever noticed a trend of grandparents being IN the processional, and men escort women, not the other way around. If you have a grandmother who is widowed, then it would be sweet to have a male family member escort her to her seat. A grandmother who is married would be escorted by her husband. A grandfather who is single would walk to his seat by himself, and a grandfather who has brought a date will of course walk WITH his date to their seats. Do you want him to make her walk to their seats alone, then make him hang around in the back for a little bit and walk down right before your wedding party?

    He's old. Let him and his date sit and relax. If you do need to make him a part of your procession, please let him escort his lady, rather than making a point of showing the audience that she's not your grandmother. Or have him escort his date to her seat then double back and wait for the "real" walk.

    If a wedding guest assumes that she's your grandmother, I don't see what the big deal is. You can always correct them later if they mention your "grandma" after the wedding.

    ETA that "Escorting" and "ushering" are not the same things. Ushers will of course accompany all VIP guest to their designated seats, but that's not the same as escorting.

    • Reply
  • Bailey
    Super March 2019
    Bailey ·
    • Flag
    I have the same problem, opposite way. My grandmother has been with this guy for like 8 years now, but no one likes him (he was supposed to visit for 2 weeks and literally never left, doesn’t pay for anything etc.). My grandfather passed away 18 years ago, so it’s been a long time. I will NOT let him walk down with her. If he sits up front with her, he will be there before it starts, if not he will sit in the back, and I really don’t feel bad about it.

    That said, it really depends what you want to do and if you’re willing to defend your reasoning if/when something is brought up by your grandpa.
    • Reply
  • Powers2
    Master April 2018
    Powers2 ·
    • Flag

    We don't have any living grandparents, but my FFIL has a longtime girlfriend and he is escorting her in the processional. (My FH's mom passed in 2006).


    I think if your grandfather is walking in the processional, it would be proper for him to escort her. If he's not, she can be seated up front with relatives.

    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Let me not make the mistake of confusing ushers with escorts meaning in the processional. Ushers I'm sure wouldn't be an issue so great point! I can still have her walked to her seat but not in the processional.

    • Reply
  • BoudreauToBe
    Master July 2018
    BoudreauToBe ·
    • Flag

    FH's grandfather has been remarried for about 12 or so years now. I plan to have him walk with his wife in the processional, even though she made a big deal about it at FBIL's wedding - she didn't think she was "allowed" to do it, she didn't understand why grandparents had to be at the rehearsal, etc. She tends to draw attention to herself by pointing out the fact that she feels like she shouldn't be the center of attention - you know those kind of people? Anyway, I plan to have to her as part of the processional because she has been a part of the family for a long time.

    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    My Grandfather is being escorted because he's the patriarch of my family and the oldest relative we have at 88. Every wedding I've been to, if the grandparents are fortunate enough to be there for the celebration, get escorted. I'm not okay with having my partially blind grandfather walk down the aisle by himself, and it's a rather long aisle. We had planned for my younger brother to escort him in the processional and seat him with her in the front.

    I don't believe I misused the word escorting and confused it with ushering. Did you?

    But now that you mention it ushering sounds like the way to go.

    • Reply
  • Forestwed
    Master May 2018
    Forestwed ·
    • Flag
    She can have a seat like the other guests. I wouldn’t have her walk down the aisle as part of the procession.
    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks! And just be seated in the front obviously. I thought that was appropriate!

    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Totally get it! She's been in the family for a long time. My Grandfather never remarried however so just trying to get some ideas. Thanks!

    • Reply
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
    • Flag

    Where I live, the grandparents, then the parents, are the last ones to be seated before the formal processional. The processional is limited to those with a role in the wedding. In that case she would be escorted by an usher , followed by your grandfather, before the processional.

    If grandparents are part of the processional where you live, then I would have your grandfather escort her.

    • Reply
  • Sydney
    Dedicated April 2019
    Sydney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Thanks Bailey! Seems like you're in a tough spot as well! I don't have anything against her but it's more about honoring HIM. He's played an important role in all of our lives graduations, birthdays, driving us to school back and forth pretty much since we started Kindergarten so I want to acknowledge him some kind of way. Thanks so much!

    • Reply
  • Janel
    Super September 2018
    Janel ·
    • Flag
    I’ve never seen grandparents in the traditional procession. Just have he and his gf seated.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2018
    mimi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Actually, I didn't think you were confused about the difference between ushering and escorting, I edited my comment for the other commentators, as there were many responses to you which were clearly referring to ushering. I'm technically grandparent aged myself btw, and my own grandmother is still alive, and only 85. I'm ok with her driving me around still lol-she loves to take me shopping whenever I go visit her in LA. If he were still alive and healthy, my grandfather would have been offended by being escorted. The sight issues your grandfather has change that dynamic a bit.

    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated November 2018
    mimi ·
    • Flag

    Also, fwiw- neither my mother or Grandmother will be escorted at my wedding. I'm not having a processional or a bridal party, it's just me, walking down the aisle towards my groom. So they'll both be ushered to their seats beforehand. Even though my mother is rather young to be the mother of my middle aged self, she has an artificial hip and a bum knee, and Grandma's got s cane. They just want to sit and relax, and the escort thing feels weird especially for my mother, who's been single for 40 years now.

    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag

    She can walk in with your grandfather. He doesn't need to be part of the processional.

    • Reply
  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
    • Flag

    If Gpa is part of the processional, let him escort his girlfriend. What's the difference between that or if he walks alone? Or just let them be seated together before you start.

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