Rebecca
Beginner August 2020

Save the dates vs invitations

Rebecca, on September 8, 2019 at 6:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
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Is it in bad taste to not invite people u send save the dates to. For a April 2020 bride. Serious answers only. Thank you

25 Comments

Latest activity by Patricia, on September 10, 2019 at 4:08 PM
  • N
    Dedicated November 2019
    Nita ·
    • Flag
    Yes. It is extremely rude to not send an invitation to someone you sent a save the date to. Save the dates tell people to do just that. By sending them a save you have asked them to block off their calendar and hold that date open. Additionally people typically book travel/hotels once they receive a save so they have likely not spent money on your wedding as well.

    Anyone who who receives a save the date must receive an invitation
    • Reply
  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
    • Flag

    Yes, very bad taste. You're asking them to save the date--schedule vacations around it, save up for it, etc.--and then telling them it's all been for nothing.

    I think STDs are a really bad idea in the first place, for that very reason. There are a whole lot of reasons that eight weeks out, you might not want to invite people who were on your guest list a year out. These can range from wanting to downsize the wedding to having a guest get divorced. STDs lock you in way too early.

    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated October 2020
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Yes, if you send an std to someone, you have to invite them.
    • Reply
  • Victoria
    Savvy November 2021
    Victoria ·
    • Flag
    I do think it is in poor taste unless something has happened between you and the individuals that caused you to change your mind about inviting them.
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Master October 2019
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    Yes, because sending them a save the date implies they're going to be invited to the wedding. Some will start saving for a gift, transportation, clothing etc. If a bride isn't sure they'll be invited to the wedding then they shouldn't get a save the date

    • Reply
  • Haley
    Dedicated April 2020
    Haley ·
    • Flag
    Did something happen between you and them? If it was that serious of a situation, they probably don't want to come anymore anyways. If you're just trying to shrink your costs, then it is definitely rude to not send the invitation.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Expert April 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Yes it’s bad etiquette to send someone a save the date but not an invitation. Unless something happened between you and the individual(s) and it’s a mutual decision then I personally would send invitations to everyone that received a save the date. On the flip side, you may meet new people after your save the dates have been sent and may decide to invite them. For those people, they would only need an invitation.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    That would be incredibly rude.
    • Reply
  • Karla
    Savvy September 2019
    Karla ·
    • Flag
    Definitely. The point of Save the Dates are to give guests a heads up on case they need to travel. If someone gets a save the date they need to be invited to the wedding unless something crazy happens in between.
    • Reply
  • Liz
    Devoted June 2021
    Liz ·
    • Flag
    If you’ve sent someone a save the date you are obliged to invite them to the wedding, after all you’ve asked them to “Save the Date”
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    Unless they've done something REALLY bad and distasteful that may compromise your wedding, I'd still honor the save the dates I sent to that individual. I've had some people really cross me in the course of my wedding planning, but none to the point where I wish to completely omit them from my guest list. And one thing I find sometimes happens with some couples, is that the individual they have trouble with will just decide not to come to the wedding anymore. I am sorry for whatever you may be going through, and I really hope everything works out for you, RebeccaSmiley heart

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    Yes, you need to invite everyone you sent a STD to.

    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Beginner August 2020
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    Its more like i may have over invited with the save the the dates. And im way over my origina number we wanted.
    • Reply
  • Aleks
    Dedicated October 2019
    Aleks ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    If this is the case, then it's definitely definitely rude. When you say overinvited do you mean you're over venue capacity, or over budget? If over capacity, talk to your venue about what could be done. If over budget, can you reallocate from flowers, alcohol, or decorations budget?

    • Reply
  • Abby
    Savvy May 2019
    Abby ·
    • Flag

    I think yes, it would be very rude. Unless there was a falling out with someone after you sent the STD, in which case it'd be best to not invite them.

    • Reply
  • Toni
    Expert November 2019
    Toni ·
    • Flag
    Yeah that’s incredibly rude 😕
    • Reply
  • Watts
    Super March 2020
    Watts ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    If you are in a bind I'd look at your list, figure out who you think has a higher chance of not going due to distance, strength of relationship with you, timing of wedding, history of canceling, etc. Then reach out to them individually to talk about it. It sucks, but it's the only way to respectfully take back save the dates. Another way is to do adults only if you invited people with kids, or no plus ones.
    • Reply
  • Thea
    Savvy September 2019
    Thea ·
    • Flag

    If you over-invited, that is honestly you and your future spouse's own fault and it is up to you to figure it out. Don't potentially hurt a relationship because of a mistake.

    Like others asked, if it is a budget issue then reallocate funds. If it is a venue issue, then meet with the venue to discuss options. Also keep in mind that once invites go out, some folks will decline (maybe 10%). Good luck, this is a tough issue to have!

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    Yes, it's extremely rude.

    • Reply
  • Maddie
    Devoted October 2020
    Maddie ·
    • Flag
    Yes, if you send a “save the date” then you are implying that they are invited to your/ a wedding.
    • Reply

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