Save the Date and Plus Ones

Plus ones = for truly single guests

Significant other = someone in a relationship, no matter the length of time.

You don't need to address the envelope to "and guest" for plus ones, but you will need to for the invitation so they know they are allowed to bring one. Some people do it on the STD anyway, because they want their guest to know ahead of time so they can plan, especially if they have to travel.

SO: Yes, you put the SO on the STD.

Please do not have some silly rule about people being in relationships for less than a year. You don't get to determine the seriousness of someone's relationship. There are people on this site who become engaged (or even got married) in less than a year's time.

I am not concerned with the length of relationship. I am concerned if the couple doesn't stay together and the SO's name was on the save the date.. when it comes to the wedding then the SO wouldn't be invited? Or do they need an invite since they got a save the date? I am trying to only send save the dates to people we are 100% committed to coming like family far away because once the save the date is out you can't really take it back..

It's generally known that if the couple breaks up, the one who is actually family/friends with the bride/groom is the only one invited at that point.

Of course that won't stop complete assholes from showing up anyways, but since you don't know if they'll break up or not you have to give them the courtesy of including them in the invite.

You could just skip STDs

I didn't put SOs names on the STD unless they were living together, although I was planning on people who were in relationships bringing their SO for budgeting purposes. I did put SOs names on the invites regardless of how long they'd been together. I also had the same concern about putting a bf or gfs name on the std 7 months out. If they ask if their SO will be invited between STDs and invitations (which no one did for us) just say yes significant others will be invited.

Yes I agree I planned into the budget for everyone to have plus ones, regardless of it's the SO they are currently with or someone new it's just awkward as I work on addressing these, I don't want to end up being forced to invite the former SO of someone if they're not together anymore, a lot can happen from now to the wedding!

I would hold off on the signicant other name on the STDs.

That's my personal feeling too.. but I also don't want to offend or hurt anybody's feelings by leaving them out.. I like the comment above that if they are living together to put the name on it.. I don't know this is hard!

Yea so then I just wouldn't send them an STD at all if that's your concern. I certainly didn't send an STD to every single guest.

I thought about that.. but what if the main guest we are inviting sees a STD at someone else's house and they didn't get one? Lol so many things to think about I know it's impossible to plan a wedding without upsetting people but I'm trying hard to think it through

A save the date is not an invitation, but notice that an invite will be coming. It does not mean that anyone who does not receive one will not be invited. You can send only to the guest you intend to invited. I assume you have no intention of inviting someone they are dating now if they break up.

You should be prepared for questions from single people as to who will actually be invited. It is mandatory to invite spouses and fiances of guests. Some books would extend to live in or long term partners. You are not judging their relationship, just accepting how they have defined it.

If they have an established significant other you put that person on the save the date too. If they break up in the mean time they (the former SO of your guest) will likely assume they're no longer invited and then obviously, won't receive a formal invitation so I wouldn't worry about that.

I have a few single cousins who go through "boyfriends" very quickly and never bring the person around, so I only put my cousins name on the STD. If they're in a relationship when it's invite time I'll indicate the persons name on the invite.

Thanks that helpful and well written! Exactly I want my guests to bring someone and have fun and am not trying to hurt feelings or judge relationships, but I also don't want to have to invite someone's former SO if they are not together anymore but still expect an invite since they got a STD

If you are aware of their significant other, include that person by name. If the person is single, there's no need to write "and guest" on an STD.

Like pp said, the SO's name should be on the STD, regardless of length of relationship. It is understood that if they are no longer together, the courtesy invite is rescinded, because they were invited as a social unit when they no longer are.

Then, when invites go out, you would of the same, and for the truly single guests, add "and guest" to indicate they are allowed to bring someone.

For my STDs, I did not indicate plus ones (for SiNGLE guests) because I viewed it as "this is just a heads-up" on our date. For the actual formal invitations, I have it spelled out who gets a plus one, etc. For STDs, I of course named significant others like spouses and fiancés or long term/live-in relationships. But for single guests or guests who might be newly dating, I didn't worry about addressing the STD because it's just a heads up in my opinion.