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Expert September 2019

Rsvp/plus one vent

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Jordan, on July 17, 2019 at 5:36 PM

So, I knew this was coming but I didn’t expect to be so irritated by it. Today my cousin who I NEVER speak to or see called me to complain that their RSVP was only for 1 person and he wanted to bring his girlfriend. I don’t know his girlfriend. I’ve never met her and didn’t know that she existed. I haven’t even seen him in years. The only reason that he is invited is because my mom made me invite all of my cousins. I am having a very expensive wedding. I cannot just add people to the guest list and my wedding is not a date night. It’s not happening. I told him I’ll see what I can do because I was totally not prepared to have the conversation at the time because I was at work. I think I just won’t respond back and if he doesn’t come or send back the RSVP, oh well. Why are people so entitled?!

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Dedicated October 2021
Allison · on July 18, 2019 at 9:53 AM
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My rules are that if they're married, engaged, or been together longer than two years then they get an invite. If I can't accommodate them both, then I won't invite them, but will let them know the reason.
Either you come alone because that's what we can accommodate or if you don't come I wouldn't hold it against them.

There are plenty of people that others push on you for your wedding that you don't keep close contact with, so it doesn't fall on you to not know this man's business.
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Dedicated October 2021
Allison · on July 18, 2019 at 9:57 AM
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Also, this! My friend didn't invite my fiance to her wedding and so I didn't go (especially since it fell on our anniversary). But, we're fairly close so it really didn't make sense to me why she wouldn't have taken our 5 years together into consideration.
At the end of the day, it's based on whether people want to spend the money for extra that comes with more people.
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on July 18, 2019 at 11:20 AM
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How is she being rude when she said the cousins mother didnt even have his address or mention he has a girlfriend? She also stated she hasnt seen or talked to this cousin in years. How on earth is she supposed to know if someone had a plus one?
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Champion November 2016
LB · on July 18, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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It's not rude that she didn't know. It's rude that once she found out she didn't remedy the situation by extending an invite to her cousin's SO.
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on July 18, 2019 at 11:53 AM
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I guess we have different opinions. If i had a cousin i never talked to in years and invited and THEN found out they had a girlfriend i wouldnt be inviting them either. Dont want random people at my wedding and i have also have limited space.
Etiquette is so outdated. Just my opinion 🤷‍♀️
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Expert September 2019
Jordan · on July 18, 2019 at 12:30 PM
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This was basically my feeling on the topic. At the end of the day, if he decides to come he will have plenty of family there to socialize with. If he decides to decline because his girlfriend wasn't invited, I will understand.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on July 18, 2019 at 2:15 PM
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If it were me, I would not invite her either. I don't think it is rude, as it is your wedding!
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Dedicated September 2021
Liza · on July 18, 2019 at 2:43 PM
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You already have enough opinions - but I just wanted to let you know I am on your side.
Since your cousin has family at the wedding and will know other people, he does not need a plus one in my opinion. My cousins will not be getting plus ones, but I also made that a rule across the board to be fair. I think plus ones are important when the guest doesn't know anyone else at the wedding. In the end, it really is situational. Either you didn't know about the gf because you are not close to the cousin or you didn't know because the relationship is not serious enough. Both are acceptable reasons for her not to be invited.
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Lady · on July 18, 2019 at 3:15 PM
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His girlfriend should have been invited BY NAME if he's over 18 and in a relationship. I'd be mad too. Significant others, whether spouse/fiance/bf/gf are not "plus ones". Plus ones are for truly single guests.
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Expert September 2019
Jordan · on July 18, 2019 at 3:22 PM
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Didn't know the girlfriend existed, haven't seen him since he got divorced years ago. I'll understand if he chooses not to come due to her not being invited.
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Lady · on July 18, 2019 at 3:24 PM
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Totally understand - but you should accommodate her now since you do know about her.
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Expert September 2019
Jordan · on July 18, 2019 at 3:31 PM
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I don't plan to do that. We are not close and if I had my way I honestly would have been okay leaving him off of the guest list to begin with as I haven't seen or spoken to this person in years. If you don't show up to the cheap/free stuff, don't show up to the most expensive event I will ever throw. He will have plenty of people he knows there to socialize with. Additionally, I was invited to his brother's wedding without a plus one while I was in a long term relationship and did not receive a plus one. I didn't get invited to his first wedding at all. He will live.
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Super October 2018
MrsJackson · on July 18, 2019 at 3:34 PM
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I've seen so many conflicting opinions on this website. People will tell you "It's your wedding, do what you want!", then others will tell you that etiquette tells you otherwise.
He's an adult and he can come without his SO if he wants to.
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Super October 2019
Cassi · on July 18, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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You need to pick your side and stick to your guns. I don't have an opinion one way or another honestly... FH and I had only been together like 3 months when he was offered to be a groomsmen in our best friends wedding. They allotted him a plus one from the get go (granted he was in the wedding party so I think they always get plus ones) so i went and now 2 years later they are our closest couples friends and the bride is one of my absolute best friends and in my wedding. I went to my brothers wedding in 2015 and I was dating someone but didn't get a plus one and I wasn't offended, it wasn't my wedding (we also weren't that serious). I wanted to avoid pretty much ALL of this drama and we knew what our budget was so we allotted everyone their SO or a plus one (if they weren't with someone serious). We could afford it and made this kind of drama avoidable. I'm sorry you have to deal with this while already dealing with the stress of planning a wedding. I would also speak with your mom about it as well, if she made you invite him then see how she feels about this situation.
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Devoted April 2021
Allaura · on July 18, 2019 at 5:25 PM
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I'd just call him back and say there isn't anything you can do.

This is my plan if any of my long lost cousins try me. lol My mother is also making me invite all of my cousins.
It's your day and honestly that's all that matters. Unless you really really want him there I'd just tell him there's nothing that can be done and be done with it. It's not your fault he has a gf nor is it your responsibility to include her if you didn't know about her. It would be shady if you had called before and found out about her and then just blatantly didn't invite her. But I'd just tell him nothing can be done (#sorrynotsorry)
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