RSVP declines make me feel unloved...

Totally! Especially when I have traveled out of town, just as far, if not further than I am asking them to travel for their weddings and events. It also hurts when I have to bring up missing people. For example one of my BM's was asking about transportation and so I asked about her husband and daughter and then she told me they probably weren't coming. I know its hard with kids but aren't they pretty portable? AND we're offering babysitting. Whomp Whomp

Hey Christina, I just wanted to be another voice assuring that, while it stings now, on The Day Of, you will be surrounded by those who did want to be there and you will not give a thought to those who didn't/couldn't make it.

My bestie didn't come to California from Nepal for my wedding-- I understood but was bummed. My grandfather flat out refused to come-- no idea why-- my mom got very ill the night before and missed my wedding. And, once pictures were done, and people stopped saying, "Where's your mom?" I didn't think about any of them-- I had room for 100, only 60 odd came, but we filled the room with joy, laughter, music and love and I didn't waste a second on those who didn't/couldn't share the day with us.

We invited 81 and 58 accepted. I expected and even hoped for 55-60 but I was disappointed by a couple of people who did decline. Take a moment, feel it and move. You won't think twice about come your day!

I got over it - 99% of FH's side responded and are coming - 17 RSVP's did not come back on my side and my mom has had to chase people down. Only about 50% of the people I invited are coming.

I'm sure it's difficult and I would never disparage your feelings and fears (I'm also from the South) but try to think of it this way: at the end of the day, you'll be married to your best friend in the world. Many people may just have a conflict and legitimate excuses but just didn't let you know but if your fears are true, I think it'll be much more fun to be with 100 people who love you and want to celebrate with you than 150 who don't!

@Malory: I completely agree with you! I just have to try to think about it that way.

@Rachel: Oh jeez. Is your wedding on a holiday or something?

@Christina looks like Rachel is getting married on Veterans Day weekend.

ETA: And to join the chorus of people who agree that bigots have no place at a wedding. Better for everyone if they aren't there.

When my daughter was married, I have to admit that every RSVP with a decline stung a little. My immediate reaction was, "Why not?", but then I realized that I had no right to ask anyone that question (but I still tried to figure out their reasons in my mind, lol). I don't think the declines are personal -- for the most part. You don't invite people from whom you are estranged, and if you do, a decline doesn't surprise or offend you. I read an article recently that said the number one reason people decline wedding invitations today is financial. I know lots of brides honestly believe they are hosting a free night of dinner, drinks, and dancing, and in a way, they are (since the guests aren't handed a bar tab or dinner bill at the end of the night). But on the other hand, it costs money to attend a wedding. It might as simple as that. Secondly, there was a WW bride who recently took aim at the "if they really care, they'll be there" mantra. She gave several excellent examples of people who had career or study commitments that they absolutely could not be excused from, although they truly cared about the couple and really wanted to attend the wedding. The point is that it is rarely personal.

You won't notice on your wedding day -- that's the truth. Mrs. AtoB gave you good advice. Allow yourself to feel the decline for a moment and then move on.

It's Columbus Day weekend. The Monday following your wedding day (October 12) is a federal holiday; I imagine that has a lot more to do with the decline in RSVPs than anything more malignant.

@Joe: I understand that holiday weddings can be a deterrent to a majority of guests. However, having a wedding the weekend prior to Columbus day hardly seems like it would fall into that category.

You're right, it's not a "traditional" holiday in the sense of Easter, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, nor is it one of the big summer weekends like Memorial Day, Fourth of July, or Labor Day, but for anyone whose office has Monday off for the federal holiday, they face the prospect of spending a three day weekend at your wedding. All I'm saying is that for anyone looking for an excuse to not attend a wedding, a long weekend could be it.

View Quoted Comment This is pretty dumb. I've attended out of town weddings OUT OF THE COUNTRY for holiday weekends lol. What better time to travel when you already have the time off?