Ringbearer concerns. Advice?

Besides the spitting on/hitting people, he sounds like the average toddler. I'm assuming he's a toddler?

Sooooo I totally know what you are going through. My son has ADHD with ASD. He does all of the above. I am also worried about the behavior however we have a plan in place. One of his teaching assistants will be there at the wedding. Many people in my family already know of my sons issues and will not care if he acts out. The last resort will be to remove him from the ceremont until it is over. Tiring him out may make the situation worse. Let him follow his normal routine and see how it goes. He just may surprise you.

He is currently 3, will be 3.5 during the wedding. Should have input that info

Even if your nephew is wild that day just brush it off. he's just a kid. you have to laugh at these things. otherwise you will scream and cry.

who knows he may be really well behaved that day. maybe take him for a couple of rehearsals just you and him then go for icecream or toys r us. Then tell him he'll have the best surprise ever if he behaves for the wedding.

Yeah...exactly what I thought. That's how kids behave. They're kids. They don't know how to verbalize that they're sleepy, excited, etc. You should have realized that when you decided to have a toddler be in your wedding.

I feel my nephew could be very well behaved but my brother and girlfriend have absolutely ZERO discipline established with him. They let him do whatever he wants. Their house is covered with chalk on the walls, his bed is broke from him jumping on it, I have recently distanced myself and my daughter from it because she is very well behaved and i have worked hard for that and i dont want her picking up his behaviors.

You don't have to have him and even if you have him, he doesn't have to walk down the aisle. He could stand there and wait with groom and groom men. I wouldn't trust him with actual ring either. I would have one of the groom men or your brother give it to him right before the exchange.

You can't control how he will behave but you can take some preventative measures.

@Jenny I was kind of a jerk when I was a kid...I hit people too but I wasn't sure if that was normal. I thought I was just an asshole baby.

When we were little me and my sister had to be in a wedding. My sister didn't want to do it (my mom actually had to hide her face as she walked by to avoid her running away to my mom). When she got on stage she sat down, dumped out her basket and started ripping flowers when she ran out of flowers she was about to scream until she saw my basket and she took it and dumped my flowers out and kept ripping until it was time to walk back down the aisle. My mom was mortified but the couple loved it and still tell the story all the time. At a recent wedding the flower girl didn't want to take pics so she turned her back to the camera in every single one. The pictures look so funny now and the couple has a good story! Kids do goofy stuff and it is cute if people know how to take it. If he shreaks just have a plan to calm him and don't worry about it!

ETA: spelling mistake

Anything he does will be cute because he is a toddler. Our son was our ring bearer and he threw a fit and sat down in the middle of the aisle refusing to go down and it was cute as hell. Toddlers will be toddlers

Maybe you could do a few practice runs with him to get him comfortable, and promise him something he really wants if he's extra good? Sometimes even the children with not so great behavior will surprise you if there's an incentive.

He may mature a little more by that time. May think about an escort for him

@April you definitely don't have to make him the ring bearer just because he's your nephew. Has this already been decided/discussed with your brother?

My nephew will be not even 3 at my wedding! I have considered him being my ring bearer but not sure what he will be like in a year lol. I guess I don't even need a ring bearer, I just wanted to include my nephew in some way. Someone mentioned the flower girls could pull the ring bearer in a wagon if they are younger. Who knows! I have time to decide. Toddlers aren't always the best behaved lol.

I really think if you're concerned about a kid being a kid, you shouldn't have someone under 8 be in the BP.

My dogs are my ring bearers. One pees on everything and one eats everything. I think you'll be okay. Haha

That was mostly to make you smile. I'm sure everything will turn out like it's suppsed to. My nephew is the same way, but when he's given specific instruction and doesn't have to stand still for long periods of time, he's a really sweet kid. I wouldn't worry too much. Maybe tell him it's super important for him to be on his best behavior, and he will get a special reward if he behaves. (i know it's not ideal, but I have no children so that's the best advice I have).

Honestly, I feel like the flower girl and ring bearer antics make the wedding memorable. Try to let it go and just concentrate on what you can control!

You don't have to include him as RB.

Even if you do, give the real rings to the BM -- just in case the RB does not make it down the aisle (I've seen that happen more than once). One RB did fine at the rehearsal with a small group of his relatives. The next day, with a bunch of strangers watching him, he refused to walk the aisle and threw the pillow toward the groom!

Let me say this, if someone asked my will be 4 year olds in September to be in their wedding party, I'd swiftly decline. It just wouldn't be possible.

Well, the cow is outta the barn at this point, you can't demote him back to simply toddler status....

Don't give him the real rings.

Whatever he is doing at the back of the aisle is pretty much what will happen the rest of the way. If he doesn't want to do it, don't make him do it.

"Antics" are one thing; disruptive behaviour during someone's wedding ceremony is another and all your careful plans go out the window while everyone concentrates on the toddler, who really is just doing what toddlers do. It's the task, not the kid.

If he starts acting up, before or during, make it clear that you want him removed to another place. Far too often, they get to stay, as if they are going to stop by magic.