Required spray tanning for bridesmaids?

If someone ask me to do something for their wedding and they are paying for it, then I would do it for that day. If it is reasonable.

She’s basically telling you she doesn’t like the way you look so you need to alter that for her wedding. That’s 100% unreasonable.

With the exception of allergies, this seems pretty reasonable. Also, is it possible that everyone else wanted to get spray tans and she is covering yours (and now theirs as well) to ensure you aren’t the one washed out face in the group? Or that she knows several of her friends tend to have terrible tan lines (guilty on being that friend!)
It’s temporary, easy, and painless- not to mention there are various levels of color and it can be removed or toned down quickly afterwards. As her sister, you should suck it up and not make this into a huge problem for her.

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This is a good point. If you are the only one in the bridal party without a spray tan, you could look washed out, and you could stick out. The reverse is true as well, if one girl has a spray tan she could also stick out.

I can totally understand why Brittany's sister is insistent on her getting a spray tan for the ceremony, if all the other maids are getting one as well. Also the spray tans for weddings tend to be lighter, so you won't be an umpa loompa (did I spell that right?)

I kinda fall into the if she is so worried about peach washing everyone out why doesn't she pick a different color. The 3 standard things you get to pick for a bm is dress, and if the bride's paying for it flowers, and make-up/ non altering hair style. If the bride also paying for it shoes and jewelry so long as they aren't allergic and the shoes are reasonable.




For my bms I picked black because it worked with everyone's skin tones / body types. I had 2 short wonderful women who traditional sizes did not work for their height, one who has darker tan complexion and pear shaped and the other was pale as the moon and triangle shape. We picked different conservative little black dresses. We also did diy hair and make-up, which they looked good and chose none/hair down to my knowledge. And shoes was bm's choice.


Where this bride starts to cross the line is this isn't hair / make up / regular nail polish nails and not something you have done and it's not something you can wash off immediately after the wedding. Like if she was paying for it and you could instantly take it off the moment the wedding was done without professional help... It would be fine. But the bride doesn't have the privilege to change your appearance for a week.... And cannot cut or dye your hair... Or have you do any drastic life changes.

Now, I agree that this crosses a fine line. But I recommend doing it to keep family peace unless you think this will negatively impact other portions of your life. If it does negatively impact your life, gracefully step down as bm and ask to attend as guest. If she prides herself as a self declared "bridezilla," bm will not be fun at this wedding. Also you don't want to be the odd bm out in the photos. I think this is a taste of what is to come. The hard line for me is if someone ask me to diet, change my hair cut or color, ask me to do something against medical advice, drastically change my appearance, or wear shoes that are a safety hazard.


Whatever you decide, do it quickly and gracefully.

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I still think that a spray tan is more like makeup or a hairdo than having a bridesmaid cut or color her hair for the wedding. You can exfoliate in the shower and the tan will disappear. It'll fade away on its own in a week or so even if you leave it alone. Unless the bride wants you to turn into an orange, it isn't as drastic a change in appearance as a haircut or new dye job anyway.

I also don't get the idea that wanting a bridesmaid to get a spray tan is treating her like a prop or not respecting her appearance any more than requiring a certain dress, hairdo or makeup look. I'm surprised at the comments here insinuating that about Brittany's sister. I don't see that at all.

View Quoted Comment It's like shellac nails. Requiring regular nail polish is fine... Because I can put that on the day before and take it off with little damage. Shellac or acrylic requires a professional and is not something that goes away after a day. It also can cause damage to your nails especially if not professionally taken off. But if I was asked to wear nail polish, I would suggest shellac because that's the only way I can keep a good mani. If it is not done on the regular by a bm in general, it's not a good request if it last more than a day.




It also can be damaging to your skin to over exfoliate like that so it starts to fail the it's just make up test/ cause no damage. Make up is something I can easily take off after a day and doesn't damage my skin.

Now, the orange level has not been stated but of someone has never done it, that is a very big possibility. Especially going from pale to tan.... I stand by my advice of do it to keep the peace/ want to be in the moh or gracefully and quickly back out if you're uncomfortable. But yes this is over the line because it's either deal with it for a week or cause damage to your skin...

Now, when you ask someone to be a bridemaid, you accept they may be fat, have blue hair, be short, be tall, be pale, be dark, be skinny, be average, have a big butt/ no butt, have big boobs/no boobs, be x size, etc... Because bridesmaids are people above props. They are your closest friends and family. We don't go up to someone and say, "oh, I like you but you need a tan to be in my wedding..." It is a tad body shaming ... It's on the fine line of no.

Is it ridiculous? Yes.


Would it be the hill I choose to die one? No.
Would I include it in my bag a wedding horror stories that we all share after a few drinks? Absolutely.

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Yes girl! I agree! If I want my bridesmaid wearing her hair and wearing a dress that I've picked, aren't I also using her as a prop? I've been in weddings where a spray tan was expected or you could say required, and honestly I don't feel as if it was that big a deal. I don't really see it as bodyshaming either. It is a cosmetic procedure.

I'll admit I want my bridesmaids to get a spray tan for my wedding, at my expense, and that is something we've discussed. I wouldn't kick out a bridesmaid if she was adamant about not getting one, or anything like that though.

Thanks all. So I spoke to my sister last night about this. I brought up perhaps using one of those tanning lotions, but she shot it down straight away. She wants all the bridesmaids and her to get a spray tan from the same place. She's already brought up that she is willing to pay for a trial for me and another two of her bridesmaids who haven't had a spray tan before, if we want it.

I know she worries that I will look washed out in the dress, but I still feel as if it should be my decision and she should deal with it.

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To answer you. It was her idea for the bridesmaids to get a spray tan, and all of them were happy with it, except for me. She doesn't want me or any other bridesmaid to look washed out, and yes she said that I will look washed out if the other girls all have them done.

View Quoted Comment This. And saying you won't look right if others are tanned, and you aren't, or that your skin color is something you ought to change if possible to fit the group, or I will get rid of you, is a disgusting message....

View Quoted Comment Your skin tone is gorgeous and you are perfect just the way you are. You don't need to change a thing for anyone to like you. Take care of yourself mental, physically, and emotionally and you'll be fine. You are the most unique and wonderful you that ever lived. As long as you love you, you will be loved and cared for.



If you don't want to do it, back out of the wedding, it's a canary in the coal mine of problems to come. It's a red flag that she maybe willing to cross other lines. You don't need to be a bm to support your sister.

View Quoted Comment Yes. You should be picking her dress, and not picking her hair, how her makeup is done, whether guys have facial hair according to standard etiquette, already. TV shows do it for the drama, and to get people to spend huge amounts of money. Part of why the average wedding cost has skyrocketed. And so it is already one of the many things you should not ask. Because you see people demanding all kinds of things on tv and media, does not make these new things right. So add one more to the things that you should not ask as they stand now, if you have been thinking ( falsely) that it is okay for brides to require you wear your hair as brides want, or makeup, or tans, as long as they pay for it. Agreeing to do things you would rather not, because you think you have to if the boss or bride says to, has a nasty name in etiquette. Look in any manners or social protocol book.
The queen or a princess do not get that kind of obedience or fealty now. Forget the average bride thinking she is above all others. She does not own, buy, or supervise anything about your body.

View Quoted Comment Some people are very proud of their porcelain skin tone. Why would it possible be ok for a bride to say “nope I don’t like your skin color so you need make it darker so you’ll look like everyone else”? Not ok.

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If you really don't want to do it, then you shouldn't have to get a spray tan.

But I think there is a chance for a compromise. Why not accept the trial, see how you look and how you feel, and then decide there. You might not find it so bad?

View Quoted Comment Unless she is one of the 5% of light skinned women who have a bad reaction, or is made sick. For what? What is wrong with pale skin?

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Absolutely nothing wrong with pale skin. I'm pale myself and I have no hangups over it. I wouldn't expect or ask my bridesmaids to get a spray tan.

But it is her battle to fight, not ours and she's still thinking about her sister's request. If she doesn't want to die on this hill, then I think what I said is an okay compromise, if she is willing to compromise. She'll at least know how she will look like with the tan on.

While I don't think it's a completely outlandish idea, I do think your sister should look at it like a case by case basis & if someone is uncomfortable then perhaps come up with an alternative. This isn't the same as having your makeup done as that comes off when you want it to, a spray tan stays for days & what happens if it just doesn't look good on you? Maybe express your feelings & say you're not very keen on the idea and see if you can do a tanning lotion instead? You'd still be a tad bit darker, just not doing it the method she's asking for.

Personally, I'd never pick a color that I know wouldn't go with anyone's skin tone & would require more work to look better in it, but that's just me.

This request is so unreasonable on so many levels. You can ask your bridesmaids to wear a certain dress, have their makeup and hair done (if the bride pays), and even paint their nails a certain color. These things are temporary. But to alter your skin tone? That is completely outrageous. Spray tans last longer than the wedding day, sometimes several weeks. I am actually shocked at the number of people in this forum who think this request is ok