Removing bridesmaids?

Well hear the question I have for you. Did they already purchased any dresses or anything like that? If not, you are not firing them rather you were changing your wedding plans. I think honestly I would just invite them over to your house for maybe you like some cheese and crackers or maybe meet up for brunch or even a simple call them all individually and just explain to them what you told us. If they are good friends they should be understanding. The only way they might not understand is if they already purchased bridesmaid dresses.

I am definitely not in favor of "firing" bridesmaids for most reasons, and especially if the wedding is going to be the same large deal with a bridal party. But your situation is very different; you are downsizing your wedding for very understandable reasons and you aren't planning to replace these bridesmaids with other people.

These people are your closest friends. Explain your plans to them; they will understand. They might be disappointed not to be able to attend your wedding, but that is understandable, too. If they are your true friends they will accept your new plan and come to terms with their disappointment.

View Quoted Comment Nothing at all has been purchased yet, thankfully. Thank you so much for these suggestions, I truly appreciate it.

Be aware this a friendship ending move.

Thank you, both, so much. I’ve been a wreck over this.

View Quoted Comment That’s not what I am asking, and if after so many years this ends things, that is on them. Thank you for your input though.

View Quoted Comment I don't think it's a friendship ending move if the reasoning is that both you and your fiance have decided not to have a bridal party all together rather removing them because you just don't get along with them anymore. Again, I think they are really good friends they will understand your situation and luckily since they have not purchased anything I think you'll be good to go. I feel your reasoning is logical and you're not firing anyone.

I agree with Kristen. If dresses haven’t been purchased, it should be a simple heart-felt discussion with your best friends. I’m sure they will understand and support you during this difficult time.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, Kristen!! I’ve been friends with one for 13 years, the others about 6 and 3, so I think this will not be friendship ruining either. They know that him and I are still grieving, as they’re there when I need to talk. I’m just a worrier, and trying to navigate through this as easily as I can.

View Quoted Comment I really don’t think it will be friendship ending. I personally have bee “downsized” out of two weddings due to similar reasons (20 years apart!) and am still good friends with both. For one I even did a lot of bridesmaid stuff for her, I still wanted her to have as wonderful a wedding as she could considering the situation at the time.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Kristen! I think once you explain the scenario and change in plans to them, they'll be understanding. In many cases, removing people from wedding party is often a friendship ending move, but in this case, I don't think it will be. I would think that they'll be supportive and understanding of the scenario.

View Quoted Comment Givin her situation this is not a friendship ending move. It's not like she is replacing them or firing them but still having the big wedding. She is downsizing for very understandable reasons. It's like she said nobody bought anything for the wedding. and if her bridesmaids no longer want to be friends with her over this that's a good thing cause she doesn't need crappy friends like that taking space in her life.


I'm sure they will all be very understanding on the situation. And be very supportive.

My fiancé lost his mom a month after we got engaged. We completely paused wedding planning until recently. Everyone was understanding and from reading your responses I think you’re friends would be supportive. It’s a hard situation and it’s hard watching them mourn without being able to lessen their pain. Even though you’re asking them to step down, dont feel like you still can’t turn to them to talk during this difficult time. I’m sorry for your loss and here if you do need someone to talk to.

While normally, demoting bridesmaids is a friendship-ending move, I think your circumstance is rather unique, and I think they will understand if you simply have a honest heart-to-heart with them. I would think that they'd be supportive of you and your decision.

First, let me say I am sorry for your loss. I had a similar situation for different reasons — COVID. I had originally planned a 250 person wedding with 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. With COVID, we changed our plans to just a 20 person wedding that included only our parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and godparents — and no wedding party. As a result, we had to let our wedding party know that they would not only not be in the wedding, they wouldn’t even be AT the wedding. They had not purchased anything at that point and they were more than understanding. In fact, we called them our “virtual wedding party” and they made more of an effort to make sure my now husband and I had a awesome prewedding experience. My “virtual” bridesmaids planned an awesome bridal brunch, and my husband’s “virtual” best men purchased a couple’s massage for us the day before the wedding. We still recognized them as our wedding party and gave them gifts for working through these changes with us and being so supportive.

Don’t worry — they are your good friends and will definitely understand and support your decisions.

Have you ever thought about having some sort of “girls trip “camping for the weekend and then telling them there? If I was in your bridesmaid position I would completely understand and I feel like most would.These are rough times right now and youve also gone through a rough loss. Seeing as how they haven’t purchased anything I think maybe a dinner date etc. and dropping the news. If they are true friends they will understand. ♥️ Wishing you and your fam the best 🙏

Assuming you asked them because they are close to you, ask them to be at your very private ceremony, in any nice clothes they like.

This isn’t rude. It’s not like you’re telling them you don’t want them as bridesmaids, you just completely changed your plans. Just explain to them exactly what you told us and that you’re just having a very small wedding with your closest family, that you love them and can’t wait to celebrate with them after the fact.
We had to uninvite most of our guest list because of Covid and literally everyone understood. We didn’t do it because we hated them, we just did it for their safety.
This is absolutely not friendship ending and I’m so sure your friends will understand. One of my friend actually cancelled her big wedding and decided just to get married with her parents and while I was sad not to be there, it was completely understandable and I watched her livestream and was so happy for her. Your friends will be too.

Honestly all of you have made me feel so much better ❤️ thank you for this.

Meghan, I’m so sorry for yours and your fiancé’s loss! I wish you both happy wedding planning ❤️ I wish grieving had a time limit for our fiancé’s and us.