Removing a Bridesmaid

😳😳 wow ! so sorry to hear about your family Crystal! So thankful they made it out alive!!! That’s definitely a blessing that they are okay. 🙏🏾

Oh gosh thats so scary and a reminder of how fragile and precious life is. I hope your family are all doing better and on the way for a speedy recovery. Right now I d focus on your family and not put any energy into your bridesmaid's lack of response. Wishing you and your family all the best.

I'm glad your family made it! Sorry you're going through such a hard time. In light of the situation, I don't think it's wrong to remove the bridesmaid. I would just be honest.

Wow, I'm so glad everyone made it out alive! The remains of that car are terrifying. Luckily, most of your friends are there for you, to support you. As for the one who isn't, I completely understand wanting to remove her from your day. It might be best to start out with a lowkey conversation, tell her you're hurt by her actions. If that goes poorly, I personally would ask her to step down.

I'm so sorry to hear that happened to your family! I'm glad they're all okay. For now, I'd focus on helping them recover. That being said, I'm equally sorry that your one bridesmaid has taken a backseat. Before you completely boot her out, though, I'd do as someone else suggested and have a private conversation with her. Ask her to meet you for coffee or a drink. Maybe she has something else going on that's diverting her focus. Not that it would necessarily excuse her behavior, but it is at least something to consider. If she gives you answers and then finally offers an apology, then I think it's reasonable to keep her on. If not, then I'd reconsider.

So sorry about the car accident! Hope everyone is ok! However, that’s not a reason to kick out a bridesmaid. She really does not have any responsibility during the planning stages beyond purchasing a dress of your choice. It’s unfortunate that she didn’t reach out to you with empathy but some people don’t know what to say and that doesn’t make them bad people. Were your expectations laid out to her in detail when you asked? What you are describing is not her responsibility as a bridesmaid. Unless she has done something heinous/illegal/abusive, that is not grounds to kick her out. If you do, be prepared to end the friendship because that s not something you bounce back from with no repercussions.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Michelle.

I would have expected her to reach out about the accident but some people can be really funny in these situations in not knowing how to react or to show concern and empathy without pity.

I think you need to separate the car accident and her participation because frankly they really do have nothing to do with one another. Even in respect of the bridesmaid 'duties' - bridesmaids aren't employees or hired help and I wholly disagree with the move of demoting or removing the honour of being in a bridal party because of the bride's expectations.

View Quoted Comment I agree with both of these posters.


I'm the type of person to freeze in tragedy. I overthink and nothing sounds sincere. I'm not religious so "prayers" sounds empty, but "good thoughts!" sounds just as empty. "I hope everyone's okay!" is daft, because that looks bad. "Is there anything I can do for you?" There really isn't, but by saying it I hope you'll reply "no, thank you though". And so on. Some people weigh all those options and nothing sounds good so they freeze unsure of how to react.
Likewise, I've been a bridesmaid where I contributed very little to planning when it was obvious no one wanted my input. "We're thinking cliff jumping!" "I'm afraid of heights, what if we did something closer to the ground?" "Well if you don't want to, you can just sit while we do it". They are all your friends, but they may not all be friends with each other and some personalities may crash. Your friend might feel like her opinions or contributions aren't being taken seriously, or at all, so she's sitting back and letting them plan and will be there to make your day fun and special.

I don't think now is the time to bring up anything, though. You're very emotional, rightfully so, about the accident. I feel like you may be jumping to kick her out not because of anything she's done, but that she isn't doing exactly what you would do in a situation.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. She might not have reached out because she didn't know what to say. You could always have a conversation with her later on about how you felt hurt and unsupported when she didn't reach out after the accident. Everyone responds to scary/tragic life events differently, and she might not have realized that you would have wanted to hear from her, even if she didn't have the perfect thing to say.


I am sorry to hear about the accident, but glad that everyone made it through alive! Hoping for a quick and full recovery for everyone.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks everyone for your input, my family is on the way to recovery.

As far as the Bridesmaid, never heard anything from her. And the accident was not the deciding factor, she has been very distant, unresponsive, and not participating in anything when the others have consistently reached out to her. I constantly have to message her directly and she'll respond days later. Yes, it was very hurtful to see everyone in the group chat respond when my Matron of Honor told them what happened and knowing she saw all the messages and conversations and even the posts that I made about it. But like I mentioned, this was more of a last straw in addition to her absence. Although I simply asked when is it too late to remove someone, I received alot of suggestion based on the situation instead. I know most people are just being helpful, at the end of the day she isn't participating in anything except for the wedding. So I will enjoy my day with my family and loved ones and focus on what's important and move accordingly once things are over.