Relationship Poll

You should be who you're meant to be.
If you're not married then frankly you can look for someone else. If you are married your spouse should be committed to loving you.
Beauty is fleeting, if you can't love their personality then it's time to reconsider. What are they going to when you're both old and wrinkly? If you got kids and gain baby weight? Get an illness that makes you gain or lose weight? Life had variables and looks are one of them. I think all parties in a relationship need to be realistic looks will change and be ready for it.

As far as morals go, I am who I am and wouldn't change that for anyone. As far as appearance goes, I do keep my hair long because my FH loves long hair and hates short hair. As far as the weight thing- FH and I both agree that staying in shape is very important to us. Illnesses and babies aside obviously.

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I think the questions posed could be about looks but they could also be about health. Does that change your choice? Why or why not?

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So based on the quested posed in the poll which option would you choose?

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I'd probably say option 3.

View Quoted Comment You don't pick your health. If your spouse doesn't like the state of your health then what's the vow "in sickness and in health" supposed to mean?

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Got it, I think marriage is all about compromise so that's my answer to a lot of marital concerns.

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Just to clarify, if your spouse wanted you to be thicker and/or go to the gym for your health you wouldn't because of the vow "in sickness and in health"?

I think your partner should love you for who you are and not want you to be anything different

View Quoted Comment I said to my fiance the other day that I love him, I can make suggestions to him. But for things like physical and mental health we need to trust what a professional says. A professional ultimately wants what's good for the paitent, a spouse or family member always has clouded judgement. It's why professionals cannot treat family. If a professional told us we should go to the gym then I would discuss a plan with him. I personally believe it is immoral for me to make a judgement on anyones health as I am not a doctor. I've had enough people give me bad advice to know my place and know not to jump to conclusions.

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Thank you for participating.

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I respect your opinion but I don't agree with you.

Third. I'm who I am but I know my husband and I also try to instill healthy habits for a long life also just to be healthy for instance he doesn't usually eat veggies ahah but I am all veggie. And I don't like to exercise where as he believes being active is important for your health. So in those instances it's not so much because that's preferable for our own tastes but it's because in general it's just good to do. But if it didn't pertain to that then I'd just be me. Who else can you be but yourself and be content with it, right?

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I think the initial question is a very loaded one and at face value seems obvious that you should always be who you are. But at the same time, I think if your spouse is pushing you to be better whether that's morally, healthwise, careerwise, etc. then I wouldn't just say no because I am who I am. If my husband wanted me to get breast implants because he finds large breast more attractive then I would be true to myself. The question is circumstantial to me.

We tell each other our concerns and needs and sometimes wants and give reasons why. It's up to the other how they feel and if they want to accommodate any changes. It's important to allow space to make change as well.

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Okay. Which option would you choose in the poll?

Option 2 - they choose to be with us the way we are and who we become as we grow old. I would never "get thicker" or "go to the gym" just because he wanted that. I go to the gym for my own personal gains.

There are some things that I believe should be a compromise. Like, spending habits, for example.

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I'm not going to make physical changes to myself for my partner. I don't like when she wears a baseball cap all the time and ask her not to wear it sometimes. She likes when I wear my hair back. That's about as far as we go with requests of physical appearance. She'll say no if she wants to wear it that day or I'll wear my hair down if I feel like it. I would never ask her to change her body for me. She has never asked me to change my body for her.

On other issues there can be compromise but no one should to tell you what your body should be to make them happier.

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Got it, thanks for sharing.

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On what types of issues would you compromise?