Rehersal dinner

I like the idea of a prayer/toast. No need for everyone to hold hands but most people will bow their heads and pray.

Double post.

I'm a practicing Catholic and even I don't like to hold hands, especially with people I don't know. When we pray in church I don't hold people's hands - maybe my husband's but definitely not the stranger on the other side. It isn't even a religious thing, it is a social anxiety thing. I don't like holding hands with people that I don't know or aren't that close with.

I would say see if they could do a bowing of the head but the holding hands is too much. I don't do that myself and I go to church. It makes people uncomfortable.

Have FH bring this subject up to them before hand and maybe they can say "everybody that would like to say grace please join us." No hand holding, just bow your head, pray, eat.

My Mom is a self-professed heathen. Actually she vacillates between being an agnostic and an atheist. She'd have no problem joining hands. She'd just tune-out what was being said. In fact, knowing her sense of humor, she might have a voodoo spell, running through her head. LOL!

Asking everyone to participate in a prayer--when they may be from diverse or non-religious backgrounds--is a bit much. Honestly I would be super uncomfortable if someone did this during a group meal, and so would most of my friends/family.

To those who are saying it's not a big deal, you're coming from the perspective of being in the majority religion in the US, so you think it's "normal." It's not for a lot of people, and it's rude to force people to participate in a religious practice they may not agree with. His parents can quietly pray to themselves before eating if they like. I think forcing people into it is really rude, and bad hosting.

@MiniMe I can appreciate your feelings on it. I'm saying that the hosts can ask people to bow their heads rather than hold hands to make it less pressure to participate, maybe it didn't come across that way. But if you're asking people to respect your views, you should be able to respect theirs without participating. Referring to someone's religious beliefs as a made-up deity or ridiculous delusions is not likely to go over well when they're hosting you. And I say this as a Catholic-raised agnostic.

You definitely CANNOT ask them not to pray. If it's not your thing, then just don't participate.

If FH parents are hosting, then its how they host. People should be more understanding of this and respect them for their beliefs. Non religious people dont have to participate and can kindly excuse themselves. If it is something you are very adamant about, have FH speak with his parents about it.

Some of these comments seem a bit extreme. it's 30 seconds of saying grace. i've been to weddings of other religious faiths where people say prayers before the meal and i just sit there quietly. there's no reason people have to participate.

There is really nothing wrong with 'table blessing' (a ministerial term for grace). I'd maybe have a conversation with them thanking them for hosting and maybe letting them know that not everyone coming will be comfortable with holding hands and praying in extremely religious language. Maybe there is a middle ground that could work?

I am not going to ask them not to pray that's there choice. Just to not make everyone participate like they usually do. I and a number of my guests are atheist or some other non Christian religion is all. We aren't even having a religious ceremony.

I think they should be able to have a say in whether there is a prayer or not, but that you should approach them something like this: "hi FILs, since some of our guests are new to prayer or may feel awkward with a prayer, could we still do a prayer but not have everyone hold hands. Additionally it will be a large number of people and this may be a difficult thing to accomplish."

I don't think it has to be a major issue. I've been to weddings and other celebrations where they practiced different religions/customs (Jewish, Hindu, etc.). You just go along with it for the moment and appreciate it.

My family always blesses the food once everyone is seated (or at least has made their plates). We don't join hands and it's really mean that they won't start the prayer until they've successfully forced everyone to join hands when they do it.

Leaving out the joining of hands is probably the best way to deal with this.

This is something my H's family would probably have done. I would feel uncomfortable even just with praying (though I certainly would just sit in silence), but it would be a hard pass on the hand holding. While they may be hosting it, it's still your rehearsal dinner. Why can't they just have a moment of silent prayer amongst themselves and let everyone else do as they please? I know plenty of people who pray before eating, but they never drag anyone else into it. Whatever you decide, this issue is probably best broached by your FH.

@HappilyEverGonzalez & @Ella the comments are extreme because OP said in a comment that her in laws wouldn't start the prayer unless everyone was holding hands. Obviously if it was a "we invite you to participate if you wish" situation the comments would be different - like others are saying, asking to join isn't an issue it is the not starting until all are participating.

It is not required, and they should understand.

What if they prefaced by saying, "it is our tradition to pray before each meal. We invite you to join us." ?

The people who feel comfortable will join in, and the people who don't pray will sit quietly and respectfully.

Edit: maybe FH can say "Mom and Dad, we appreciate you hosting the dinner. I just wanted to give you a heads up that some of our wedding party and Krystine's family are not the same religion as you/us,and would feel uncomfortable with being made to hold hands during prayer. Would it be ok for you to do the table blessing a little differently that night? Here are some ways I thought of that would allow people to pray and be thankful for our meal, but also would make our other guests feel welcome."

I agree on the no-hand-holding. Just let them sit in silence. In regard to other comments on this thread... to make your guests feel like they need to get up and leave the room if they don't want to join would be incredibly awkward and disruptive. Please don't put them in a situation where they'd need to "excuse themselves". That would make me feel like shit and would bother me the rest of the night. A quick prayer without holding hands would be a much smoother way!