Rehearsal Dinner

I think you should be inviting all of the people that were listed. You could suggest to MIL/FIL go to a BYOB restaurant to cut down the cost as well.

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That sounds AMAZING! Maybe I can convince her to do like catering to the venue, since she was against us cooking BBQ. Such a good idea.

The guest list should include anyone with a role in the wedding and their SO's (or parents in the case of the ring bearer or flower girl).

bridal party and SO's

grooms party and SO's

any other role in the wedding who is not paid- ushers, soloist, readers etc and SO's

parents

siblings and SO's

some include grandparents

There is no obligation to invite out of towners. The rehearsal dinner is to honor and thank the wedding party for their support.

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We are having a cook out at his mom's house

We are buying a bunch of meat, chicken and probably fish and just having a good ol' cook out in the backyard. her house is pretty big so we can fit everyone. We will also provide wine and beer/liquor but not too much since the day after is the wedding.

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Do you invite your officiant? I've heard people do....but we are paying him so doesn't seem necessary to me.

The more comments that show up the more I agree about inviting everyone I listed. I just wanted something more intimate with my bridal party and parents. Oh well.

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Ok, so the venue has a decent sized kitchen, maybe hiring a chef to come over and cook food is something we can do. That's a really interesting idea, it's like a personal chef just for your guests.

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And I also agree, you don't have to invite your out of town guest btw~

We are only if they arrive on the day of the rehearsal dinner. Like my family from NY will probably arrive the day of the wedding in the morning, but if they decide to come on Friday, we will be inviting them to the rehearsal dinner.

Dont feel bad about them spending money, trust me some families don't help out with anything. Get them like a small weekend vaca as a gift if you feel really bad.

Future in law are suppose to host the rehearsal dinner. If they want to then let them. But honestly you should invite parents, grandparents, siblings, and wedding party. Plus everyone significant other. But ultimately it is up to you.

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Sounds like you have it pretty well covered at this point. I just wanted to touch on this comment about your stepbrother. Yes it sucks inviting someone who you don't like / want there, but given that he's invited to your wedding it seems safer to invite him to the rehearsal dinner so that he doesn't feel left out from the rest of the family. Not inviting him seems like the riskier option because it's more likely to set him off at the wedding and cause a bigger scene

Our rehearsal dinner will be about 30 people. Yes, significant others, and kids are invited if their family is part of the wedding (and kids are involved). We are letting FH's family pay for the dinner. It's tradition, and they offered and are excited to. If they hadn't we just wouldn't have had one, but I'm glad we will be able to! Accept it as a gift, if you want to have one, otherwise politely decline and dont have a rehearsal.

ETA: We are not inviting all OOT guests, as that will be 90% of our guest list.

Originally I thought it was only the wedding party but after reading pp I realize I need to add on a few people lol! Our wedding party is 20 including FH and myself. It’ll be about 30 after adding on siblings and SO so not too bad I guess. Not sure where yet but definitely at a restaurant.

View Quoted Comment We invited our officiant and his partner because they are close family friends of my in-laws, but i don't think you're required to. also i totally get what you mean--our RD didn't end up being the nice intimate night i wanted either, though it was a lot of fun! we had catered pizza/pasta/salad at FIL's condo party room. i found that the actual wedding day, hanging out with my pals all morning and then H and our full WP and families up till the ceremony, ended up being the most special time.

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That's true...I didn't think about that. He's going to cause a scene everywhere, but if i don't invite him to the dinner (I'll be avoiding at least one scene), he'll just make it that much worse at the wedding. Either way I lose and it's awkward, but I'd like to avoid a huge scene at my wedding if possible. Guess he's coming too then!

Honestly i feel like anyone in the party and thier so/kids should be allowed to go. But thats my opinion. If you dont feel comfortable you dont have to. Remember its your wedding. But also you dont want yo hurt someones feeling so be considerate on how you explain on why they wont attend.

Yes, all WP members and their SOs get an invite. Immediate family is usually invited but if you're not close at all it's probably not strictly necessary.

Don't stress, she's probably been saving for this and thinking about it for awhile - it's an event for her and she wants to have something to plan. I'd let her run with the details, it's very traditional for the groom's family to handle the RD and if she wants to do it that much, you don't need to feel guilty. It's not just them spending money on you guys, she's throwing a party for the whole family and wants to have the honor of hostess - let her!

If it really starts to get out of hand, you could ask if they'd like you guys to pick up part of the tab, since you were planning to pay to begin with. They'll most likely say no but the gesture will make you feel better.

View Quoted Comment Have you hired a security guard for your wedding?

I can understand your stress, I come from a very large afro-European family and my fiancee comes from a very large Mexican family (we just got lucky because most of them are out the country) and I was very worried about half of our families wanting to come and trying to figure out who'd be at the rehearsal and where we could find a place big enough to fit us , so I asked both of our moms "now besides our immediate family, who do you think would reaaaallly like to come and who would want there" maybe you could make a plan with FML and see who you both agree really need to be at the rehearsal

You could always do rehearsal cocktails and finger foods? If it's less formal then maybe it won't be so much "half the wedding having dinner" as it is "pre-celebrations for the wedding".