Rehearsal Dinner

Yes you should invite siblings, SOs, and the parents of the children in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment

Even siblings you don't speak with and dislike?

I don't know the tradition for this but I would just invite the out of town guests, your immediate family, and the members of the bridal party along with the SOs (or parents). This is what most people come to expect when they have the guest for a rehearsal dinner. I understand that this makes you uncomfortable but really you can just tell your FMIL and FFIL the number of people that you would like to invite and let them take it from there. They know how much money they are willing to spend.

You would need to invite all those people, but the loophole would be, if you don't have a wedding rehearsal (which a lot of people don't), then you don't have a rehearsal dinner. Not sure if you would want to forgo the rehearsal and tell your FIL's that no dinner is necessary. Otherwise, you may be stuck with the big RD. You can always get your FIL's a nice thank you gift if you feel bad about them spending the money. I'm sure they wouldn't have offered if they didn't want to/couldn't afford it.

View Quoted Comment

I mean, I would. Unless you want drama surrounding the day. IMO, its a lot easier to be inclusive than divisive.

View Quoted Comment

Wait what!? Out of town guests too! Ok, that's literally my entire wedding lol The rehearsal dinner might as well turn into my wedding if that's the case.

View Quoted Comment

They'll be drama if this person comes...major drama. Ugh, why is this so complicated lol

I get how you're feeling- we're getting some help for the wedding too and are so so grateful, but I do feel guilty about it from time to time. I would say though, that it sounds like your MIL really wants to do this for you and will get as much pleasure out of hosting as you will out of attending. Also, I obviously don't know your financial situation, but I assume she would not be offering if this was something she couldn't afford (or she would be taking you up on your offer to do something more low-key). Maybe after you get a headcount and final estimate of the costs, you can check in with her and offer to split the cost or pay for some portion yourself? Sounds like she might not take you up on it but it couldn't hurt to offer. Also, not sure where you live, but you can probably find a place that offers that sit down/ nice atmosphere but isn't insanely expensive. We just found an Italian restaurant to do ours at that is a nice place but the food isn't over the top expensive.

To answer your specific question, the general rule on here is that S.Os of the bridal party should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I would also say if you are expecting the ring barer and flower girls to rehearse and their parents will be at the dinner, they should be included as well. Your step brother could be on the fence. Are you close with him? Are his parents (your step parents) going to the dinner? If everyone in his immediate family would be there, it might be kind of isolating to exclude him. That one is more of a grey area though so I'm not really sure.

View Quoted Comment You definitely don't need to invite OOT guests unless they're in the BP.

View Quoted Comment

That's true....I just don't know if they realize how much this will cost. You're right though, it was their choice to offer so they know their money situation best.

I would invite parents, grandparents, bridal party with their dates, and your flower girl, ring bearer, and their parents. We're not inviting all of our siblings to ours, just the ones in our bridal party.

Yes, I think you should invite all of the people that were listed.

All of those people should be invited. You don’t split up couples. Accept your FILs generosity and let them host the dinner. It’s a very nice thing for them to offer.

View Quoted Comment Yes my stepbrothers family is going. His sister (she's my BM), his dad and his step mom (my mom). He has major anger issues and is a raging alcoholic...he'll show up drunk and break things. I'm assuming he'll do this anyways, he did it at my brothers wedding and always causes a scene when we see him. I suppose inviting the other siblings makes sense, I also feel bad because I'm giving my BM's and his GM's their gifts at this time. I don't want people to feel left out, but I've already planned this out.

I like the idea of giving her the final count and then offering to split the bill due to so many people attending.

Definitely don’t invite people you dislike! But I think close family and everyone in the bridal party (including FG and RB and their parents, unless you don’t want kids there) should be invited and should also be able to bring their SO, if they have one. My FH was in 3 weddings last year and I was invited to all but 1 rehearsal dinner, but only because the bride insisted on an $80 a plate dinner and with a large bridal party, the grooms parents didn’t want to bankrupt themselves by including everyone’s SO lol.
Let her pay for it, especially if you’re paying for the rest of the wedding! It’s a nice financial burden you can avoid and it’ll make her happy. But if you know that she can’t afford to have everyone there, it’s ok to cut down to essentials like parents and grandparents, close siblings, and everyone in the wedding party.

View Quoted Comment

It's too nice! lol

View Quoted Comment

I don't mind if kids attend, the ones that would come are pretty well behaved and I love them! I have to invite grandparents oh dear! lol I didn't even think about them....I'm not close with the ones still around. It is definitely a huge help financially, I guess I shouldn't stress too much about it. It's more adding all these people is becoming too much.

For our rehearsal, we are inviting:

our parents
Siblings
BMS & SO's
GMS & SO's
Out of town guest (I have a huge family, they come from NY, FL, CA, Peru & Bolivia)
Ring bearer & flower girl
In his culture there are godparents for both civil and religious wedding, they will be invited

We invited our bridal party their SO and children, siblings, parents and grandparents. It is a total of about 30 people but we didn't want it to cost to much. We are renting tables and chairs to put in our backyard. We are having a local taco place cater it and then purchasing beer and wine. It is going to cost less than $400.00.

View Quoted Comment

That seems like a lot of people, and here I am complaining about 30 lol. I don't mean to pry, so you don't have to say but are you doing something at a restaurant or something easy that's more affordable? Maybe if I hear of a good less expensive idea I can pitch it to my FMIL.