Rehearsal dinner evites?

I think you are 100% correct that if you send invitations to a rehearsal dinner, your guests are going to assume it's hosted and paid for. A rehearsal dinner is definitely a wedding "event" and all the normal rules apply. You are going to have to do something like spread the word through your MOH and BM that you are having a dutch (everyone pays their own way) get together for dinner, invitations are not appropriate for this kind of dinner, in my opinion.

A different route would be to send out a written notification that you are NOT having a rehearsal dinner but your plans are XYZ and anyone is welcome to join in at their own cost.

Yeah I think you're right. I wanted to create some formality to it, but I thinking I'm overthinking it. Thanks for the input!

Are you having a rehearsal? If so, you really should be hosting a rehearsal dinner, even if it's just beers and pizza at someone's house.

Yes, we're having a rehearsal. We just didn't feel it was a requirement to pay for everyone's food at the rehearsal dinner. Even with having it at someone's house, costs add up. The easiest thing to do was have it at a restaurant that is up the street from the venue since everyone will be together.

I understand, but the dinner is to thank people for coming to the rehearsal, and it should be hosted.

If you're having a rehearsal you need a dinner and you need to pay. Sorry. There is no formality to it.

You don't need to have a rehearsal. Bag that and you're good to go, but if you're going to make people show up on a separate night to do something that is basically useless, you need to pay for their dinner, even if it's pizza and beer. These people are taking time out of their lives to support you, you need to do something to reward them.

Thanks for your input! Respectfully, I would have to disagree about having to pay.

Our venue actually required that we have a rehearsal. I think the OPTION of paying for the rehearsal dinner is exactly that...an option. Nonetheless, there is more than one way to say thank you which is why we will have gifts for everyone in our wedding party. Everyone is different and we're doing what's best for us.

There is no disagreement with paying for a dinner, okay? Respectfully or not. It's not an option or an opinion. It's a must, no matter how modest. You are requiring your bridal party to be present on another evening, in addition to buying their apparel and probably contributing to bachelor/bachelorette parties and showers. It might be best for you but it's not best for them. Pizza /beer. 12-14 bucks per person.

Why not just do a run through on the day? Almost all of our venues have gone to this because they are booking every night of the week.

HisBrideToBe: I'm sorry but I think I have to agree with everyone else... if they have to show up for rehearsal, you do need to treat them dinner as a thank you for doing that extra day. The gifts for the wedding party are to thank you for being there on your wedding day.

Could you have the rehearsal without the wedding party? Just you, your DH and the officiant? And then ask the officiant if he/she wishes to have dinner with you guys.

I would be upset if someone had me come to a rehearsal after work and expected me to pay for my dinner.

They're taking THEIR friday night off to come stand around for an hour, when they could be at home eating and enjoying their night. It's proper to feed them, whether you agree or not. Definitely make it known you're not feeding them and don't send invitations. Why would you give someone an invitation then expect them to pay for their own food?

Regardless of what you FEEL is the requirement, the expectation is that the couple or their family pays for the rehearsal dinner. The people you invite will be expecting that, and they will be confused and annoyed when they find out it isn't the case.

In fact, it's so ingrained that you don't pay for anything as a guest at a rehearsal dinner that you shouldn't be surprised if someone leaves without paying.

Yeah... it's rude to require people to show up to an event around a mealtime then not feed them. That's a general consensus, not an opinion. Most people would understand even just a thank you note and would prefer that over having to open up their wallets again for another activity.

My favorite rehearsal dinners have always been the pizza and beer kind.

If you're having a rehearsal, and a rehearsal dinner and YOU are hosting said Dinner....YOU pay for EVERYONE'S food. It's rude and tacky not to. It's your way of saying THANK YOU.

If you are having a rehearsal dinner, you have to pay for dinner. There is no grey area here. It's part of a standard wedding budget. If you can't afford a rehearsal dinner, then don't do a rehearsal.

I didn't ask an opinion about paying for the dinner. We've already made a decision about that....I asked about the rehearsal dinner invitation itself. Wish that we could do it financially, but we do have to live after this is all over.

If you can't afford beer and pizza don't have a rehearsal with guests.

Don't be an askhole on here, it's not right.

You also asked for 'thoughts?', that includes opinions.

I have to chime in and agree with everyone else. Though you are not seeking opinions, the invitation itself is a mute point if you do not plan on paying. You can't "invite" someone to rehearsal dinner and not pay. If you don't plan on hosting, or showing any proper etiquette at all, you may as well send a mass text message saying you are "meeting" at this restaurant after the rehearsal.

Your original question is asking the best way to do something rude, and the answer is that there's no good way.

@HisBrideToBe : in reference to the invitation, people are expecting you to pay. Usually if an invitation is extended, to most events, wedding related or not, people expect you to pay. Gifts are a thank you but a wedding rehearsal is a thank you as well. I do understand that you have to live after your wedding, however, think of some other alternatives that could allow you to feed them in some way but still allow you not to go over budget. Others suggested pizza and drinks... Little Caesars has $5 pizzas and dominos does too... Make spaghetti and bread...

HisBrideToBe, I know you think we aren't trying to help, but we are.

Imagine if one of your friends came to you and told you that she was going to do something really rude to one of your mutual friends, but wanted advice on how to go about it. Would you help her think of the best way to do the rude thing, or would you try to tell her why what she wanted to do wasn't a right and was going to upset people?