Registry wording - please critique me

No one is trying to be rude or sarcastic. This topic comes up often with new users.

I am glad you are taking our advice into consideration. Usually, that is not the case.

eta - What Celia said.

BTW, your cat is really cute.

If you are a cat lady, you should do well here.

Just no more honeyfund talk. They only exist to take your money.

Yes, please don't feel hurt. A lot of users here just give honest advice. Some may be rude, but just take it with a grain of salt Honeyfunds just aren't the best way to go, so I'm glad you are taking the advice given.

AND like @alyshadanielle said, your cat IS really cute! There are lots of cat ladies here As you saw on the Cat Wedding thread

@karen, sometimes things do get carried away on these threads. I get where you're coming from and like Celia said, there isn't really a wedding that is totally different than all the others (other than that one where they were traveling and planning on getting married in every country they stepped foot in)... But people that know you should understand that you have all that you need and just because you are very graciously spending a lot of your money for their accommodations doesn't mean that you deserve money back as to "offset" the costs because "it's not easy" no one owes you anything for you inviting them to your wedding. I'm sorry that you're feeling attacked, but it is the truth. I do hope that your day and honeymoon are wonderful memories for you!

@Karen, I'm having a completely untraditional wedding yet we are not having a registry or bridal shower. If people want to get us boxed gifts they will, the majority will give cash. Do not let ignorance or lack of tradition trump etiquette.

This is my strategy. I've been married before. He was too. I'm 50; he's older. Between us we have two houses and a condo. Several cars. And the worlds cutest Dogue. We are having a party to celebrate with family and friends. No registry, no cutesy card box. No shower. No place to put gifts. Several people have asked where we registered. I've nicely said, "we aren't and don't need anything... We just want to celebrate with you." I've heard "well we have to get you SOMETHING." And I've replied, "no you don't but you could donate a few dollars to an animal rescue place because the dogs need things." The few people that heard this smiled. People better not bring me cash or checks.... We don't need anything and if we did we'd buy it. So fund your own honeymoon adventure.

Karen--

I honestly don't see the tackiness in your request at all. I would be very happy to know I'm giving a gift that goes toward someone's honeymoon or down payment. Those are both meaningful, long-lasting things--and it's not disingenuous to say you'll be thinking of your guests when you're on that trip or in that house. I know I will truly appreciate them so much for it. (I'm doing a cash registry for a house, our dream--my sister did it, a lot of people do it, Emily Post says it's OK, I think it's totally fine.)

Most everyone knows that gifts are expected, if not required. Guests (I would hope) would want to do something for you that makes you happy. If a honeymoon is what would make you happy, don't be afraid to ask for it!

I'm thinking of setting up a registry with just a few things, so if people hate the idea of giving cash, they have an option.

I don't like honeyfunds because the companies take a % of the gift, which is crap (and most people don't know that, so they don't realize their money is going to a company instead of to you). That being said, I think the wording is nice. I would take out the second sentence: "We've worked hard over the years to fill our home with our regular essentials." because its something obvious/seems unnecessary.

I don't know how things work in the U.S but in Canada "honeyfunds" don't exist. Honeymoon registries can be established at any travel agency...no fees, no cuts. And it's a legitimate registry...so on any invite, website, what have you, you can mention for those who want to know that you are registered at "XYZ Agency" All guests have to do is call with a credit card and when it's all said and done, you get a list of who has contributed for you thank you's.

Karen,

I'm all for this idea and not really buying into any of the arguments against it. I say go for it!

As with most things, whether it is tacky or not, depends on execution. I feel the best way to position this with your guests is by letting them know that you don't have need for materialistic gifts, and you place greater value on experiences than possessions. Therefore, you would love if they would gift you with an experience they think you will enjoy.

Then, at your wedding have some space where guests can leave cards and/or cash if they didn't want to use the site but still wanted to gift you with something. That way, all your bases are covered.

I think to really complete the execution - prepare a list of photos to take on your honeymoon which correlate to the gifts people purchased through honeyfund (ie. if there was an option for a couples massage - make sure you take a photo of you and your partner getting a massage or in fluffy robes) and then send these pictures to the gift-givers with thank you cards once you return from your honeymoon. This will reinforce with your guests that they actually bought you something that you loved, enjoyed and will remember. In my opinion, that's way more meaningful then just having guests give you a cheque or cash which will just likely go into your everyday expenses and just a generic thank you card.

For those who think it's a thinly veiled attempt at asking for cash, technically it is, but it makes it more personal. And to be honest, I prefer being told what is desired up front, either in the wedding invite or on a wedding site...I don't find either options tacky if worded well (and always with the disclaimer that gifts are optional). Let's face it - wedding gift giving can get awkward and I'm going to get you a gift (money or physical) whether you guide me or not on what you want. I'd prefer to know what your preference is as opposed to just no mention of it at all (which is where I find it gets awkward and annoying calling around trying to figure out what everybody else is doing) - and if your preference is cash - I'd much prefer the idea that I have gifted you with an experience, as opposed to straight up cash, since the latter is just completely impersonal.

Good luck with the wedding and I hope my two cents helped

View Quoted Comment Hi Karen,
I'm not sure why so many people are against this idea. I actually did the same thing. We don't need items for the home because we want to buy a house next year. So stuff now will just sit in a room not being used and we didn't want that. We added the HoneyFund registry on our website and I also added a comment in my statement to let everyone know that they can bring their cards to be placed in our card box since we won't have a gift table. Go with what you need and not what everyone else wants you to do. In the end it's your life together and you know everything you would love to have for yourselves.
Enjoy!!

View Quoted Comment

Honestly, I wouldn't listen to any of these crazy angry and ridiculous brides, who are probably unhappy in their own marriages. Do what you feel is best. Just say that you have a few items presented for your registry and that people can feel free to send donations towards your honeymoon directly to your home, if they wish. PERIOD!! People are going to complain regardless, so who cares. You can even add that, "many friends and family have asked where we are registered, so while your presence is gift enough, here are some items we have selected. Thank you for your generosity, in advance."