Registry without Shower?

Here's the thing - if you have to ask "how do I do this without sounding like a freeloader" then it's probably a tacky move in the first place.

Please don't. Guests will bring you money anyways.

I'd LOVE to go away on a honeymoon but bc of having kids and budget constraints, we are not. We are just going to a romantic hotel for a night. Which is fine with me.

If you can't afford a honeymoon right away, save up and go on one for your one year anniversary

I'm not entitled- i don't expect gifts at all- or care if I get them. But every situation is different. Some people have less traditional situations than others. Not everyone has to go by some rigid old set of rules that were intended for couples who are just building a life together. If you've been with your SO for years and you already have your home taken care of and your guests still want to send you a little something it doesn't hurt anyone to offer a registry that will go towards something you will actually use. Some people live in places like New York and LA where we don't have room to put another gadget that won't get used. I don't know, my friends are laid back and chill and they just want to help make our lives a little happier. They aren't judgey. I think some of this stuff is just so antiquated- it doesn't apply to modern couples or people for that matter.

Say no to the honey fund

Way to go amanda - ask another brilliant question

Do your honeymoon registry!!!! I have one and folks have been very receptive and they think it's a wonderful idea. We have told them that we are planning to go to Germany next fall during the Christmas markets so we can pick out our first ornaments as husband and wife (FH's idea). Two of the tours we wanted to go on are already paid for!

On that note, after getting some feedback from other friends and family, we also did a Macy's registry. However, we tried to incorporate as many things that we might need for the honeymoon in that registry as well--new luggage, hanging travel organizers, packing cubes, etc.

No.

@HappilyEver I will put this in the most simplest ways possible on WHY a honeyfund is rude.

You are taking away your guests CHOICE of what they give you. By saying we have everything we need we don't want physical gifts please just donate to our honeymoon." You are telling your guests how to spend their hard earned money. Read that sentence again. That is rude right?!

Then the argument of "A registry is telling your guests what to get you". Nope it's really not. It's saying "Here is a list of items of various price points that we could potentially benefit from". Guests are able to make the CHOICE of what they want to buy. They can CHOOSE to buy off the registry, give cash, or buy a completely different gift. Many guests still enjoy giving physical gifts especially for bridal showers. By having a registry you give them a guide and also help so that you don't get the same items by different people.

By saying "We have a honeyfund" to your guests you're saying, "We want to take an elaborate vacation and we would like your money to help us do so". You don't give them the opportunity to know what type of physical gifts you could use. It feels as if their choice on what to gift you is taken away.

For me this just boils down to wondering why do people think that their guests

1) Don't know that you want money

2) Don't know how to put money in an envelope

If they're going to give you a boxed gift, a honeymoon registry isn't going to change that.

No one is entitled to a honeymoon, so I think having a registry, asking people to help PAY FOR YOUR VACATION is super obnoxious. It's like, "Oh hey friends and family, I know that some of you aren't able to afford a vacation, but we'd really like you to help pay for ours!" No. No no no.

I think the point that is being missed in this situation is that we can more than afford our honeymoon- it's been budgeted for since day 1. so regardless of whether or not we were doing a honeymoon registry we would STILL be going on the SAME honeymoon. We are not asking anyone to spend their hard earned money on something that we cannot afford... I just find it interesting that it's okay for our guests to spend their hard earned money on household items, but it isn't okay for that same dollar amount to be given towards a honeymoon registry.

I guess we are lucky that EVERYONE (family and friends) find this to be a fabulous idea and are looking forward to being able to be involved in our honeymoon.

If a honeymoon registry works for you DO IT, but if it doesn't then don't. At the end of the day we are going to do what we want and we shouldn't be called rude, cheap, ungrareful for doing so- it's just a differencing in opinion- it does not make us who we are as people!!! because i'm sure none of you would like to be called that either, as I highly doubt all of you are following wedding etiquette to the 'T'.

You don't!!

You clearly did not comprehend a damn thing I wrote. It's your guest's CHOICE that matters here. That is the issue. Not that amount they would pay towards physical gifts vs honeymoon gifts. By asking your guests to donate to your honeymoon registry you are taking away their choice of what gift to buy you. You give them one option and one option only. You don't give them a list of toasters, towels, blankets, etc. You give them one thing!! You ask them to put their money towards your vacation (even if you can afford it-why the hell are you having a honeyfund if you can afford it on your own?). Weddings gifts are about starting a life with each other. Some guests like to give cash knowing it will go to a good use whether that is paying off debt, your honeymoon, or just buying take out. It's their choice. Some guests want to give you a physical gift such as a set of towels or sheets so that you are not burdened to buy that on your own. It's their choice. They might not even give you a gift. Still their choice. Asking for strictly cash or honeyfund is taking that choice away.

I guarantee you that not every single one of your guests is excited for your honeymoon registry. No one will tell you (the bride) that your idea is rude af. But you know who will? Those of us who have previously attended, planned, or are planning weddings. You know why? Because we don't personally know you and we are not scared to tell you that this idea is not a good one. We understand why it's rude to those that you love and want to spare you the embarrassment of coming off as rude, greedy, and entitled.

You're right we don't want to be called rude. So do you know what we do about it? We try to do the best thing for our guests and not ourselves. That means we caterer in food by a professional. We hire all of our help instead of asking family. We make sure there is plenty of alcohol and dancing so our guests have a fun time. We have a registry for our guests that like to purchase physical gifts or we don't have one at all. We do our best to make sure our guests experience is the best we can give because we care about our family and friends. We do not panhandle them for money. It doesn't matter what "works for you". It matters what works for your guests and respecting them enough not to panhandle them for money and giving them a choice.

I understand what you are saying, however I still strongly disagree... but guess what? THAT'S OK!!!

You can think what we are doing is rude but everyone that we love and everyone that actually matters is okay with it and thinks its a fantastic idea. That's fine that you don't, and it's fine if some attending our wedding don't like the idea either. they can choose to do what they want- at the end of the day everyone has a choice in whether they want to contribute to the honeymoon registry or if they will decide to go and do something else...

I can comprehend everything you're saying but I will politely disagree and just leave it at that.

i'll be sure to report on how all of this went with our shower and our wedding and if (when) all of our guests love it and appreciated the idea hopefully everyone will be able to kindly accept that for some it works and for some it does not.

The difference between those on here and me is that I would NEVER come online to hide behind a computer to tell someone that they are rude, cheap, etc... because I'm a NICE person and don't take enjoyment in putting others down and making them feel bad about themselves. You can tell me all you want that you're only trying to 'help' but at the end of the day there is constructive criticism and then there is just criticism... Personally, even if someone was doing something that I thought was tacky I would find a MUCH BETTER way to give them alternatives rather than flat out telling them your rude and tacky as hell.....

We dont have enough for our honeymoon so we're not doing it. Sorry but I feel that if I want to go on a vacation I should pay for it

It is never okay to have a honeyfund. Honeyfunds make you seem like a freeloader no matter how you try and spin it. If you want a vacation then you should buy your own trip.

You should never tell people about your registry unless they ask. I made a registry before anyone had offered to throw me a shower and just kept quiet. A woman from my church asked to throw me a shower and she asked for my registry to put on invites (I had nothing to do with planning or letting others know about the shower or the registry). The only time I mention the registry is if people come up and ask where I am registered at.

You don't have to have a shower but it is rude to mention or suggest people buy you things...

"No honeymoon registry. It's rude. Don't ask for guests to pay for your sex vacation. " Made me laugh out loud. I am not having a shower and was thinking about registering for my honeymoon as well. After reading all of the mixed comments, I am thinking that I am going to ditch the honeyfund for the sheer fact that they take 4% of the gifts.. that alone doesn't seem really logical. I have been to what seems like 100 weddings at this rate and I have ALWAYS given the gift of cash, it's the crowd favorite so far. My friends recently registered on Zola and had options to help them with their student debt, and buy home furnishing etc.. I think it is all dependent on who your family and friends are.. I still gave them cash. I think at the end of the day though, having a website take 4% of your gift sounds like a deal breaker for me as well.