Reception and wedding at different times

Have your ceremony start at 3 and follow OriginalKD's timeline.

Your reception... is your party.

The reception IS the party. You can arrange an after-party for people who would like to continue celebrating after your reception is over, but that isn't necessary, especially if you're trying to be cost-effective. If people are in the mood, maybe go bar hopping or something like that.

I think it might be kind of risky to end it at 4 cause everything has to be cleaned up and back to normal by then so that's why the latest we should go should be 3-3:30 to have time to clean up and stuff. I would do it later like someone suggested( having cocktail hour and stuff at 5ish) but I know that we do have a lot of older friends ( family friends, memebers) etc and they aren't really the party type with dancing and music so that's why I didn't know if I should have 2 seperate things or not. And of course there will be food at the reception. Idk why everyone is assuming there won't be. What I meant when I posted was am I required to provide a full meal at both the reception and party

Your FH's lactose issue shouldn't mean that no chocolate is served. Compromise. The dessert table can have many types of non-chocolate options as well as chocolate dishes.

Do the first dance at the after party. If you do it at the reception, it's like you are having two dances - the reception and the after party. The dessert reception either needs to be simple and short or you need to do the full blown event with food, drinks and music.

I would guess you are working with a budget, right? Put the money where you think the guests would most appreciate it. Which event will most of the guests attend?

Your reception will have the first dance, toasts, dinner, drinks, cake, whole she-bang. It's the "thank-you" for your guests witnessing your ceremony.

How old are you? Are you the first of your friends to be getting married?

If most of your guests are from out of town, that's even more of a reason to not have a large gap...what are they supposed to do in the meantime.

Also. Your reception IS the party...so you would do your first dances, cake cutting, etc all there.

Based one of your last posts, it sounds like you're Catholic (you mentioned Mass starting after your ceremony - I could be wrong but I think Catholicism is the only religion that calls their services a Mass).

For some old-school Catholics, a gap (literally called the Catholic gap) between ceremony and reception is/was expected because of the time limits of the Church. However, for most people now, a gap is really not okay and is considered rude.

I don't see anything that would prevent a party-like atmosphere at a 3:00 reception as long as you have plentiful alcohol and good music. Maybe it's just our families but we regularly will have mid/late afternoon BBQs and the time doesn't prevent anyone from greatly enjoying multiple beers or glasses of wine.

And as Lauren B. said... reception = party after the wedding. You don't get 2 "parties" unless you are going to do an "afterparty" and pay for additional catering/alcohol.

You don't need a reception and a party. Your older guests will more than likely leave after the cake cutting anyway

No, not at both - provide a full dinner at the reception, since it will be around 6? You don't need to arrange a full meal for an after party.

OP: I think you may be mistaking the terminology.

Ceremony = Church for you and you can have it end at 4PM

Cocktail Hour = Your reception venue, which can start at 5PM or so (provide drinks and finger foods)

Reception = dinner + party = Your reception venue, where everything happens (dances, first dances, games, dinner, dancing, bouquet tosses, cake cutting etc). Whatever traditions you like to do all occurs here. Feed and host your guests alcohol and a proper meal and have a DJ and you are set. Those who want to party late can stay as long as you have the venue. Can start at 6PM and go as late as you can afford.

Also, what would you have to clean up after your ceremony?

Okay, let's start at the beginning. The ceremony is where you say your vows and actually, you know, get married. Then you have a reception, which should be immediately following, which is the party.

When a bride chooses a money saving option or decides to make her wedding unconventional, there are certain things she's giving up, and in return, she has more money in her pocket or she's having the wedding she's always wanted. For example, a bride having a destination wedding wants a great turn-out, but she grows more and more anxious as the day draws near and her guests are sending their regrets. There's the no-alcohol bride who wants the party that alcohol delivers, but because of budget, sobriety, religion, or family pressure, is trying to substitute something for which there is no legal substitute. There's the bride who wants to begin her wedding at 6:00 PM on a Saturday, but because she's chosen the money saving option of all dessert/no dinner, she's worried that her wedding will last all of two hours and her 200 guests will be saying goodbye before the sun sets.

I don't really get this concept of ceremony/party/reception...at all. What I'm gathering is that you are having an early ceremony, but you want an evening reception. What you're thinking about will create a situation we call "The Gap". There are quite a few brides who have done it, say it's expected in their universes, and some of them feel that a printed handout, "Things to Do and See in the Area", is all a guest needs to kill the long hours between the ceremony and reception. Most people find gaps irritating and unnecessary. The truth is that most gap brides can go right from their afternoon ceremonies to their receptions, but they want an evening reception. Think of those guests wandering around in heels and suits. If they don't have hotel rooms to return to, what are they supposed to do while waiting for the reception to start? Go to museum, a zoo, the movies, Starbucks, or a bar? I think the better option is for those guests to skip the ceremony and attend the reception, and that is a risk a gap bride has to accept.

You wrote, "Should I serve food both after the wedding and at the reception or just one or another?" Again, I'm not sure what you're suggesting if you want an evening reception, but if it's hosting lunch at the venue, then just go all the way and start the reception after your ceremony.

Bottom line...you seem to believe that a party environment (which is as important to the 45 year old bride as it is to the younger bride) is only possible in the evening. That's not so. Your wedding date is a Saturday. It is perfectly acceptable to walk into a cocktail hour after 12:00 PM and begin to order drinks (and I don't know what you're serving, but if the party atmosphere is important, you should be serving alcohol). A good DJ will be able to get guests on the dance floor. All you need is good food, good drink, and good entertainment -- an evening timeline is optional. If you have those three elements, your party will be terrific, whether or not the sun is shining outside.

Follow OriginalKD's timeline. Mass at 3, done by 4, travel to reception venue, cocktail hour then dinner and dancing. Budget accordingly for providing a meal and booze and DJ.

If you want to do something cheaper - have a brunch wedding.

I'd like to have just one reception that's like a huge party and that's like 3-4 hours with all the works but I feel like because of some people who are attending the wedding ( a lot of family memebers on my side who are super traditional and stuff) I'd have to be very careful with the music selection and just how the reception itself is because they'd most likely want just a traditional huge dinner and some light live background music. Not a dance floor with a dj

Besides the obvious confusion over reception vs party (they're the same), can't you ask your church the latest the ceremony can end? I'm sure they do weddings often.

You still need dinner-appropriate food and stuff for a "party" reception. Even the younger people won't party hard for the full 4 hours. Just have a sit-down dinner first. Then start the more fun music. I really can't figure out what you're confused about.

At the risk of sounding like a WK or some crazy 1-star...

It's your and FH's wedding. As long as you properly host your guests with food, alcohol, and a seat for every butt, you can do whatever type of aesthetic you both decide on. It's a wedding - if your family members are surprised with dancing and drinking... it sounds like they haven't been to a wedding recently.

@Ginny, then you work with a DJ on the song selection. It's simple. I've been to umpteenth weddings and at the beginning of the night, they play all the traditional "nice" music, and by midnight it's all booty shaking everywhere because all the parents, grandparents and great-aunties have left. Those who haven't are usually the ones on the dance floor shaking it with the rest of us!

Ginny. Oh my god. You're not listening. The reception IS THE PARTY. There are no two parties. One party. Called a reception.