ready to cut ties with my family over guest list drama

Sorry for all the typos , I'm on my phone , I really do know how to spell lol

Tell grandma thst she can foot the bill for the extra people. If she can't, then just tell her flat out no. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Weddings can bring out the worst in people.

I think cutting ties with your family is drastic. I think hot heads got involved. They can all threaten to not come, if you are paying it's your choice, you are also right, if you invite your cousins you have to invite FHs cousins, or it would look really bad.

Relax, go take a bubble bath or something, let it slide for a day, and then re figure it out.

Not trying to be mean but this i have to say. Your dad is bogus and your grandma is just mean. If i was you i would of told them both NO!! I would of called my aunt and uncle and told them the same. U cant let them push you and your FH like that. If these are teenage kids they are old enough to stay at home. If not they can go to a friend house for the night.

I would of told my dad that im sticking to my over 18 rule. If they dont like it then they just dont come. And would let him know that he is a hypocrite. How dare he say that only for his family. This is you and your FH day, and not only that he and u is paying.

Some people just have alot of nerve. I would tell my aunt and uncle that sorry but no one under 18 is allowed. And let them know that if they cant accept that. That u is sorry that they cant come and enjoy the celebration. And u would see them at the next family function. Stand your ground.

Call and tell grandma... I love u but me and my FH have decided together that its no one under 18 and u hope she can understand that. Have your FH right there with u when u do tell her.

@antoinette when my dad said that that aunt and uncle were coming I said but they said they weren't coming , he goes "that was just a knee jerk reaction". Been thinking about saying my giving in too was a knee jerk reaction and if his family can't accept our wishes its on them and we won't make exceptions

So you caved because your dad was yelling at you? And you said OK? Id hire a lawyer if you cant stand up to your parents then pay someone to do it for you. And yes, if you cant afford to feed everyone then dont have a wedding or have an afternoon reception where you just serve punch and cake between meals. Passive Aggressive doesnt work. What are you going to do say snarky things to them? Make a speech at your wedding and call them out for being mean to you??? You need to call everyone and stand your ground ASAP before they all buy plane tickets. Being an adult means you stand your ground no matter what, not cave because you dad yells at you, and agreeing that your family brings under 18 only is wrong, totally wrong, it has to be equal.

Also, if your dad is partially paying, he does get some say.

Stand firm, Kendyl. There's no way that she or any family member be allowed to do this to you & FH. And only HER side of the family? Yeah, no. That is just plain rude. Calmly state that in the heat of the moment you wavered, but it's still an 18 and over wedding. They can decide if they'll truly want to be there.

@kendyl good dont make no exceptions. Just so u know aint nothing wrong with yall decision to have 18 and over. Its just like when ppl say no plus ones unless they are in a serious relationship. Dont want ppl we dont know. Can only have a certain number of ppl. Etc so dont even feel bad about yall decision with over 18. And dont let anyone make u feel bad either.

U know everybody loves grandmas but she have to understand this is how its gonna be. Believe me if it was the other way around and it was her getting married she probably would stand her ground on her decision. Do it now though and i understand how u can be mad and just say forget it, yea. But now u have to undo it and fast. If u feel u cant do it alone have your FH there with u. No arguing will have to be involved. Just tell everyone that its yall decision and yall keeping it as that.

Wow, I'm not sure I'd want any of these aunts and uncles coming. Ultimatums are never a good way for offended guests to deal with a wedding invitation. I'm afraid that you're going to have a bunch of sour faced family members at your wedding if they do show up.

People do get ridiculous over this stuff. This probably has more to do with the older generation being offended than the under 18's who've been cut. Did you have any suspicion that this age cut was going to be an issue? I guess what I'm asking is, are there other cousins who've gotten married, and were the younger cousins invited? If that's the case, that's the core of the problem. It certainly doesn't mean you have to bend to their wishes, but sometimes it's helpful to figure out what everyone is freaking out about.

You need a solution. If budget was not an issue, would you invite these cousins, or is this really about wanting to keep your guest list clearly in the adult category? If it's the second reason, then you have every right to do as you see fit, but you also have to be prepared for the fallout. If it's budgetary, speak to your father, and explain that you are at your budgetary limit. Tell him that he is free to help out with the cost, but you can't afford it. Then again, you'd have to extend the same policy to FH's family. I don't know how many people fit into that category on his side, but you can't do one without the other. Well, you can, but...it'll start another drama you don't need.

Only you know if you can live with the potential outcome, but I'd urge to rethink cutting your family off. Your family may be offended, but honestly, they should have kept their mouths shut and either declined or they should attend with their dignity intact. I still find it hard to believe that people just decide they're bringing people to a wedding who were not invited. That's beyond rude.

@the centerpiece flowers. I'm the first to get married so no precedent there . the budget isn't an issue , I am more worried about space but its really that we just want it to be adults only. There will be a lot of alcohol and I just don't feel like its a thing kids should be around . also, one cousin (one of the teenagers the rude aunt and uncle plan to bring) has a probation officer and is just a bad rude kid and I really worry she will get into something

You should call grandma and call the aunt and uncle and say "I just want to clarify that the invitiation is only for you and uncle sam. Unfortunately we not be able to accomodate the kids." If they say "then we won't come!" you just say "well, you will be missed! See you at Christmas (or whatever)."

If Grandma says "Invite the kids or I won't come!" you say the same thing. "You will be missed."

And then you stand your ground. While I think if your parents are paying for food, they can have some say in the guest list, I do think you should get final say on if it's adults only or not.

Good luck.

Kendyl, I am sorry your family is giving you a hard time. It sounds like everyone is a little stubborn here

YOU decide what YOU want and stick to that. If you don't want kids under 18, then don't but you need to be firm (not passive aggressive). Guest who RSVP with their kids need to get a call, and be told that they can't come for these reasons. Tell them you APPRECIATE them respecting your wish.

If you decide to have the cousins, then everyone that has kids under 18 needs to be able to bring them. However, I assume your invites went out, that states adult reception, so it is hard to change this.

It will be ok If it is difficult to have these conversations, have FH with you. Maybe that would help because you would have some support. Dont face your stubborn family by yourself.

Excellent -- no precedent! So they can't use that excuse to wear you down. Anyway, I hear you, Kendyl. You have reasons that are logical and you're enforcing them across the board. I wouldn't want an out of control teenager who was legally tethered to a probation officer at my event either. Yes, you're wise to think ahead. Hold the line and don't let other people tell you how you should run your wedding. Good luck.

Ugh weddings really bring out the worst in some people!! Your aunts and uncles are being ridiculous. I would call them and say the 18 and over rule is firm due to budget and size restraints. You understand if they can't make it, but you have to be fair. And then don't worry about it again! I have an uncle who is saying he won't come because his 11 year old is not invited. I'm like ok, see you at Christmas!

@Kendyl - could you update and tell us what happened?

We had a similar issue in our family. My sister's venue charged the full-adult rate, for anyone over 13 (no discount for the 5 hours of open bar). My Dad said he wasn't paying for anyone under 21, and of course, no one stepped-up to pay for the 1st cousins, that 2 of the grandmothers wanted there.

On our side, they're still holding a grudge 2 years later. BTW, this includes 6 1st cousins that the groom sees all the time, and on the brides side, 2 who she has only seen a few times in her life; their parents have a narcissistic sense of entitlement, though. The aunt/uncle involved didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP.

Of course, when my wedding rolled around, and we were only inviting half as many people, that aunt/uncle didn't make the cut. When we saw them at another family event, they basically ignored us. It was a slap in the face to my father, who has an incurable medical condition (and complete strangers went out of their way, to be helpful and kind). Now my family wants nothing to do with them, ever again.