**Rant** Sister freaked out about me not planning her bridal shower...

It sounds like you both have expectations of each other as far as planning goes. You said the only time she has helped you with planning is when you have gone to her house and forced her. I work a lot, like 65 hours per week. So I know all about just wanting to veg out after work. So when someone asks me to do something, I try to get clear on their expectations. Otherwise they may be disappointed which sucks for them or I may get pissed off by their unrealistic demands. Dropping out of your sister's wedding a month before the wedding would be pretty shitty, IMO. Talk to her. Would it be difficult to send out a group text to plan a lunch for her with the other BMs? With a month left until her wedding it sounds silly to me to plan a bridal shower now.

Briana, I'm sorry to hear that you are so stressed out and that your sister is being so demanding. It sounds like you know how to manage your time and things are just hectic at work right now.

I honestly think you need to try to have another heart to heart with your sister. Explain to her that due to it being peak season, your time is stretched pretty thin. You would like her FMILs number as you would like to see if she will co-host the shower with you. If she says no, tell her that you can't throw the shower on your own and the other bms aren't helping, so if FMIL can't help, there won't be a shower. Don't back down and do let her say she will contact the other bms. Just tell her FMILs help or no shower.

You're other option is just to bow out completely, though that could damage your relationship. She's acting like a brat though, so if you feel you need to step down, do it.

Eta: also remind her that technically you are only required to show up in the dress and stand by her side. Throwing a shower is an extra thing and should be your choice if you want to do it. The lunch idea might be better given the amount of time until her wedding. Invite the bms and some close family out for lunch at a restaurant or at someone's home.

OP- With just a month to go before the wedding, it seems a little pointless to try and plan a bridal shower now. Could you host a small luncheon with a few close family members or friends in her honor instead? It just seems too close to the wedding to try and plan a full shower, invite a bunch of people, and actually get them all to show up, especially since it sounds like you have some dress sewing to do.

Well, it is not right of your sister to demand a shower. Did you any way create the expectation you would throw one? Is she throwing your shower? It would be nice of you to throw her one, if you can dedicate the required time and effort. But if you don't feel up to it with your job and other obligations, you need to manage her expectations sooner rather than later. Explain to her that you won't be able to do this for her and agree on what you are or are not prepared to help her with from hereon out.

@S&J: I'm only thinking of bowing out of the BP, I don't think I'll actually do it, I'm her oldest friend and the only one from when we were growing up that has stuck around to try and stay friends with her.

@RJ: I can't host a lunch because all of her bridesmaids span from where I live to 90 miles away where the wedding will be held, and we all work different schedules and different jobs that we can't just take off and have a lunch for her, and she wouldn't be "ok" with that anyhow.

@lindsay: I agree with you on it being too close to the wedding to try to plan a shower, I'm having a hard time trying to plan out what I'm going to do with the hour I have between when I get up and when I go to work today let alone plan anything for anyone, including myself. I'm not the one sewing the dresses, the brides mom is supposed to be sewing them, we're just supposed to buy the fabric, and I'm pretty sure she won't be happy with the swatches because they aren't the EXACT colors she wants, and none of the fabric stores in our area even carries a decent selection of two way stretch fabric so we have to order online and cross our fingers and hope their the colors she wants.

@margaux: I did not say anything about throwing her a shower myself, if you read my other replies I state that, I told her that I would talk to the BM's and see if they would want to throw her one or if we could just band together and throw one for her together and none of them answered me with yes or no, so I moved on and have been working, the two days off that I have vary and I usually don't get two days off in a row, which I expect when working fast food, it's been a big enough hassle to get the day off I need so I can actually be at her wedding to begin with, and she isn't happy about that either.

Some of you need to give OP a break about not having free time while she's working 40 hours per week and in school. I don't know how many credits she's taking but it would next to impossible to be full time at school and work if she's in a science major, engineering, pre-med, etc. Your major completely dictates how much time is needed for studying to do well in college so it's silly to judge someone for how many hours they work.

OP: You're not required to do anything for her. If the other members of the bridal party are also unable to host one unfortunately your sister will have to deal with not having a bridal shower.

If you don't want to host her shower, for whatever reason, just let her and others in her bridal party/family know now. Don't procrastinate declining when her expectations are obviously quite different than yours. I'd be frustrated, if I was her or if I was you. Try to do it calmly, when you're not super stressed.

You shouldn't have to justify what you do on your free time, that time isn't hers. If you want to play with yarn, chill on FB, plan a heist that's your business and not anyone else's.

Here's the funny thing about time - if you're super busy but there's something you really want to do you will magically get it done - if you wanted to plan your sisters bridal shower you would find the time to do so. I think it comes down to the fact that you just don't want to, which is fine. Maybe see if your mom is willing to put it together, it's not unheard of that the parents plan it. The shower is not necessarily the responsibility of the bridal party.

It sounds like you both have opinions and judgments about each others' lives and what you should and shouldn't have time to do (i.e. "playing with reptiles all day).

That said, you need to be upfront with her. If you can't plan a shower for her, tell her and the other bridesmaids. Don't let her have the thought that it "might" happen. She may very well be under the impression that you intend to plan one. Shame on her if she assumed such. But it's pretty common for brides to think that the MOH is going to throw them a shower. You need to be an adult and be frank with her.

And if you are at the point of feeling like you don't even want to go to your sister's wedding AT ALL...then you two sound like you have much bigger issues than not being understanding and respectful of each other's time right now. I can't imagine not wanting to go to a family member's wedding unless there was some kind of bad blood between us. Something bigger than 'she wants a party that I don't have time to plan'.

On one hand, it's crappy of her to make demands on your time and talk to you like that. On the other hand, if you told her you were getting together with the bridal party to talk about planning the shower, it's completely fair for her to think you were actually going to throw her a shower.

Whatever you decide, sit down and talk with her and be clear. Maybe it's just my circles, but I honestly can't imagine a MOH being local and not throwing any pre-wedding events for the bride. Since it might be too late for a shower, maybe think of putting together a bachelorette party in a few weeks and people could bring some fun gifts for her.

@Sue: it is not that I dont want to, I would like to but I literally dont have any time, I work nights and then sleep most the day so that I can get up and go back to work, what little time I do have I do schoolwork or just veg out because at that point I dont want to do anything at all...

I think you just need lesson in assertiveness. This isn't a hard issue. Do you want to spend your down time watching Tv or planning her shower? Ok, watching TV? Then tell her "I don't have time to plan your shower, I let the other BMs know so one of them can if they're available".

If you want to plan her shower then you better get on it quick and spend this week planning. It can be very simple. Do a brunch shower. Mini muffins, mini donuts, fruit, and egg bake and mimosas. Done!

Eta: I understand being tired and not wanting to do things, I work 60 hours often and it's draining. But it's not that you "literally have no time" you do. You just chose to spend it not planning her shower. Which is fine if that's what you want to do! It's your choice, but don't use "no time" as an excuse.

This board makes such a point of it NOT being the wedding party's responsibility to throw showers for the bride, and now it looks like some people are piling on the OP for not doing what it wasn't her job to do in the first place.

OP: breathe, sleep, relax, and take care of yourself. It sounds like there was a miscommunication and her expectations were different from what's actually happening. That sucks. It also can't be changed at this point. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem like the type of person who would take "Sorry for the misunderstanding, nobody ever got back to me so I dropped the subject" well, but it might be time to be blunt about it.