**Rant** Sister freaked out about me not planning her bridal shower...

Cont'd: I'm just so stressed out from work being so busy that all I really wanna do when I get home is veg out on the couch for an hour and then go to bed and get up, take a shower and then I'm off to work again...I don't get to sit at home like she does and play with reptiles all day...I gots bills to pay...

This might sound harsh, but 40 hours is expected. I'm not saying she's being crazy, and I know not everyone is the same, but I worked 60 hours a week and took 18 credits and I still got a 4.0 and was able to do planning for my sisters wedding. It was hard, and I was tired. I'm sure you're stressed, but honestly, just budget your time better. 50 hours at work (getting ready and travel) minus 8 hours a day for sleep means you still have 62 full hours that you could be doing other things (i.e school, your wedding, your sisters shower). She's being a little crazy, but maybe you should ask another BM to do the shower if you don't think you can do it. Take some stress off of yourself.

Working 40 hours isn't what's killing me, it's the fact I work nights and still 40 hours a week, I spend most of the rest of my time sleeping or getting ready for work, or just trying to spend a few mins with FH because we work opposite shifts and he gets home about 45 mins before I have to be to work so we spend what little time we can with one another before I go to work... My sister hasn't done almost any of the planning for her wedding unless I was at her house and made her sit down and do it with me. She has been this way most of the time we've known each other, if I'm single she has no problems if I'm working, but the moment I was dating someone it was like a switch was flipped and it was all of a sudden just I'm not wanting to do anything with her, I'm not wanting to help her... and when I tell her it's because of school or work she tries to say otherwise and unless she's seen the insane hours I've been working she'll never know.

Just so you know, different people can only handle so much stress, and I have enough with work and school as it is, and when I told her that her FMIL can plan it if she likes (that's actually what the convo with her started off as...) she flipped and said I was flaking on "my duties" last I checked my "duties" as a MOH was to be there to support her and show up on the day, not do EVERYTHING for her and spend money on things that she deems I need to buy for her...

Sister shouldn't ask for a shower or tell you how to live your life.

And you shouldn't describe her life as "playing with reptiles" nor sit her down to make her plan her wedding.

@tiffany, different people can physically handle different amounts of stress and sleep differently....I guess the key word here is different.

I'm sorry your sister isn't being very understanding. I worked full time while attending school full time and I wouldn't have been able to plan my own wedding if I was engaged at the time...forget helping someone else (your ability to "manage your time better" as so kindly put by PP depends on what kind of job you have and what you're attending school for). I think your sister was being rude by expecting more out of you than she should have as well as minimizing the amount of stress you're under. God forbid you decompress by crocheting or getting on FB. Let her know she needs to lower her expectations.

Yeah your sister cannot dictate who throws her shower. Tell her you haven't had time to do anything yet but if she wants more concrete answers and more work done sooner, to find someone else to throw it.

I just saw this meme for the first time the other day, so when I read your post, it was damn near impossible not to post it. We all work different hours for different reasons. When I was saving for my wedding, I was working two jobs, no joke a total of 80-90 hours every week (Now I only work about 65 and it is glorious). I know Jo has five jobs. But there are plenty of users on here who work their 9-5. This meme is just a joke for those of us that do happen to work well over 40. No actual judgement though, cause LORD knows, if I could afford to live off of one job, 40 hours a week, I would. In a heartbeat.

Keri I'm an Assistant manager at Subway, and being in Alaska right now is when the Salmon are running pretty hard and the Dip Netting season just opened so our summer is full swing when it comes to business, I'm at work till at least 1 am most days and could turn into 2 am on a bad day...so I go home and I decompress and I go to bed, some days, like tonight I haven't been able to get to sleep so I do a little looking for things for my wedding that I would like, so I can price it out and start setting up a more concrete budget for the things that I'm wanting...I've tried to everything she wants me to do and more and I haven't even gotten a thank you from her for it. I told her today that the swatches I ordered last week came in and she didn't even say anything about it, just went off more about how it's "the maid of honors duty to throw the bachelorette party and the Bridal Shower" but every wedding I've seen, the MOB is usually the one that throws the shower, either that or it's MOG who does it if the Bride doesn't have a mother or the MOB can't plan it.

When is her wedding?

Lol beutivant usually after wed I hybernate for two days and get ready for another week of dealing with tourists that don't understand our prices aren't the same as where they're from and get yelled at because we can't accept large bills...

Lara her wedding is next month, and she is just now trying to start planning it other than picking dresses and colors, her FH has really done most of the planning for her other than what I've been able to get her to hold still for longer than 5 mins to figure out for her

In all seriousness, your time is YOUR time. You can do whatever you want with it. It's the same as when brides come on here and say that "I can't believe my BM said she can't afford my $200 BM dress. Ii KNOW she just went to Switzerland for a two week vacay!" Well, that may be true, but she can spend her money on whatever she likes. If you don't have the time, the means, or the desire to throw your sister a shower (whatever your reason), you are not obligated to do so. I'm sorry she is making you feel like you have to.

It's very rude for your sister to be asking for a shower. That aside, you seem to know your limitations with stress and work load. You need to stop helping her with her planning and focus on you. You enable the problem you are complaining about when you sit down with her and make her plan. If you have already agreed to host a shower, you do need to manage your time better and set some time specifically for planning. There is always an extra hour in the day somewhere.

Yeah you already have way too much to do for yourself. She'll live without you planning her shower. Get off WW and get yourself some rest!

@Amanda I never offered to throw her a shower, I only said that I would talk to the rest of the BP to see who would like to, or if all of us would want to do it together but none of them ever answered me when I messaged them collectively, so I ignored it until she brought up how her FMIL was asking about a bridal shower, and she told her that I was throwing it.

I have stepped back from trying to help her plan anything, only thing I've done lately is buy a couple of fabric swatches to see if I can find jersey that matches the color of her wedding dress detail so we can "hopefully" order fabric for the BM dresses and mine soon so we can make them, if not I guess we're all walking down the Isle in street clothes because we won't have anything else to wear... Other than that I haven't really even talked to her because it seems like anytime I've tried to talk to her in the last several months it just ends in a fight and her trying to pick apart what I do with my life to try and make me feel bad and honestly I like the life I have right now, I'm happy, I'm healthy, and other than some stress I'm good to go

@Keri I'm only on WW because I've tried to sleep and layed there tossing back and forth for two hours unable to sleep, I'll get FH up for his work here soon and probably take something and go to bed for a little while, good thing about working nights is I can wake up just before I have to be there and be good to go...

Ok...just take care of yourself! I always get worried when I see people under a lot of stress like that with little time for themselves...even if they are an Internet stranger

Your time management is not the problem. It wouldn't matter if you were unemployed and really did spend all of your time on fb and "playing with yarn". It's not your responsibility. I'm soooo with Keri - take care of you!

Something I have to tell myself (over and over) is this - Self care is not selfish.

OP-you need to just tell your sister that you cannot do the bridal shower, and your only "duties" are to show up fairly sober, in proper attire and smile for photos. If she has a problem with that, then tell her to kiss your ass and mean it. If you do not stick up for yourself right now, she will walk all over you non stop. No one needs a bridal shower.