Rant- I don't want to invite my sister to my wedding

I don't want miserable people who only care about themselves at my wedding. I'd rather invite some of the people I couldn't invite because of financial reasons. The engagement party is the most recent of rude and selfish things my sister has done, and the one that really set me off. She basically said, I am not enough of an adult to be respectful and polite despite my "personal issues" for one important night, so I just won't be there at all.

This really needs to be a sticky:

No one will care as much about your wedding as you do.

I think you're over reacting. You don't have to have everyone come running at you SO EXCITED about your upcoming wedding. People genuinely don't really care.

In terms of Crazy families, i am well versed. Invite her, you must invite her to avoid more drama, but the difference being you do not need to include her in all these things. just think of her as another guest at the wedding (if she even decides to come) .

So based on what you're writing, it sounds like you're looking for someone to tell you that you are correct, it's okay to not invite her.

In general, I don't validate one sided stories. This does sound like a rather uncomfortable situation, though, if she's likely to start drama with other relatives and if she bailed on the engagement party, maybe she would bail on the wedding too.

So then don't invite her!

My sister is also a narcissist and a pathological liar. She's not coming to my wedding. Everyone is very excited about this.

(Amusing related anecdote: My mom went to the doctor on Thursday. She's been my parents' and sister's doctor (and was mine for a long time) since 1986. Mom told her about my wedding. She replied, "She's smart to have it in Mexico! That way, PurpleKittenSister won't go!" So we now have medical support that my sister shouldn't be at my wedding! :-P )

It's not that I want her to be excited about my wedding, it's that she just such a drama queen. I'd rather invite someone else right off the bat than wait to hear last minute again that she just can't deal with our family. She pulls crap like this ALL the time. The rest of my family has stopped trying.

Janeen, I don't need anyone to tell me I'm right. I'm just venting. I will probably invite her just to keep the peace as much as I can. I'm just frustrated.

Then don't invite her.

Why don't you just ask her straight up if she would like to come to the wedding so you can know for planning purposes? Just ask since she didn't want to go to the engagement party for these reasons, does she think that those same reasons would be something that would cause her not to go to the wedding? You will create more of an issue if you don't speak with her first and just don't invite her. don't step down to her level of rudeness.

Duales, I feel like an idiot for not thinking of doing that! Thank you!

I just want to say I think it's pretty funny that your 15 yr old niece said weddings aren't her thing. She's 15. How many weddings could she have possibly been to that they aren't her thing? Lol and going as an adult is very different than going as a child. Meh. Invite your sister and if she bails then she bails. You don't want her there anyway. Move on.

Invite her. Life is too short to hold a grudge against a sibling.

Crazy family Guru here. any time

My sister has passed away.

Invite family, tell them to suck it up.

I would give anything to have my sister at my wedding

My answer is simply this: invite her. FMIL is horrible, self-centered and if it doesn't involve her or her receiving money she could care less. FW didn't want to invite her to the wedding but I explained that at the end of the day it's family and whether she comes or not FW would regret it if she didn't at least invite her. FILs are pretty dysfunctional all around so no one is happy about one another coming but it's our wedding and they have to suck it up.

My sister and your sister sound like the same person. My sister has already thrown a fit. She said she wasn't coming to the wedding. After I didn't chase her down to apologize and beg her to come back, she got worse. I did nothing wrong, she went crazy, and I have 10 witnesses to prove it. I think in the end your wedding is going to be awesome with or without her. It will be her regret for not attending.

I wouldn't say anything about not inviting her now. You still have a while for things to get better.

As an aside, I really dislike when people say "I would give anything to have my father/mother/sibling/whoever at my wedding" as a warning of regret to others. I understand the sentiment, but sometimes, family causes more harm than good. Not all families are nice families.

Ugh! I feel you! My sister is the type of person who cannot keep her mouth shut, has to be the center of attention and just overall makes me feel uncomfortable. She will not be able to keep herself away from the bar, and I feel like I will spend my whole day worrying that she is making herself, and us look like white trash losers. We are not inviting her.

I literally cannot figure out how we came from the same womb. I will have no qualms about not inviting her, in fact, I think inviting her would be the biggest mistake I could make with wedding planning.

Thanks for your input Janeen.

Safe to assume you still have all of your siblings?

Okay, breaking it down....your sister is a narcissist and a pathological liar who doesn't want to attend your wedding because she believes she'll do battle with other family members with whom she hasn't had the last word. More than a few weddings have guests who are at war with each other, but very few of those weddings feature verbal altercations. It's easy to be a bad ass when you're responding to the bride, but most guests keep their mouths shut at the wedding. Put your sister nine tables away from her enemies if she decides to attend. Unless she's a complete nut, she'll behave herself. You've invited her daughter, your niece, someone you believe is being raised to be your sister's protege. You said you don't really want to invite her daughter, but you're inviting her because you want her to experience a nice event. She's 15 -- she'll experience those events (prom comes to mind). You don't have to worry about that. Invite her if her attendance means something to you. There should be no other reason. So, what do you do?

You invite your sister (and if you want her daughter there, invite her as well), wait for their RSVPs, and don't get involved in their drama. A "gladly accepts" RSVP means you strategically seat them away from their enemies. A "regrets" RSVP means you don't have to worry about it.

It would be lovely if every sibling got along and happily shared a memory book, but unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. Send your invitations and proceed accordingly.