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Just Said Yes August 2016

Quitting as bridesmaid

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MM, on August 10, 2016 at 4:36 AM

I am not a bride - I am a bridesmaid, one of 3 for a January wedding. The bridal shower is on 20 Aug. The reason I want to quit is because the mother of the bride is an absolute terror. She has verbally attacked all 3 of us, but me in particular, and accused me of not caring, not planning anything, not communicating and a bunch of other things. This happens on a daily basis, and if the mother is not attacking me, her friends are.

It has come down to a situation where the mother has cancelled all the plans I have made and has gone with what she wants, which I expressly know is not what the bride wants. I try not to tell the bride these things because I don't want to upset her but I know her mother attacks her about us, especially me, every time she is unhappy about something - tells her how bad we are.

So should I completely quit as a bridesmaid, or should I just not attend the bridal shower? And how do I tell the bride? Should I even tell the bride?!

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25 Comments

Master October 2016
Katie · on August 10, 2016 at 12:47 PM
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I would talk with the bride. Explain how you're feeling and see if she knows the best solution. If she can't find one I think it would be best to stay clear of her mother for awhile. I would not quit as a bridesmaid though. You're there for your friend and not her mother.
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Devoted September 2017
StargazerLily24 · on August 10, 2016 at 12:48 PM
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I think it's poor taste to quit now. Talk to the other bridesmaids and talk with the bride. The bride may not know what her mother has been doing. Choose your words carefully.
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VIP October 2016
RiceAndRoses · on August 10, 2016 at 1:21 PM
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As a bride, I would want to know what's going on. Since you're a close friend with her, you should be honest with her and tell her other bridesmaids feel the same. You're not going to be able to handle this alone, and it sucks that you have to bring it up and stir up trouble between the bride and MOB but that's unacceptable behavior coming from a grown woman.
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Expert April 2017
Pumped Up Kicks · on August 10, 2016 at 1:34 PM
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I'd talk to the bride, but sometimes the bride secretly wants these things and just doesn't want to be a bridezilla, so she enlists others to do it for her and they go a bit overboard. I was a BM for my SIL a few years back and I lived out of town and had just got a job in my field so I couldn't take ANY time off. I attended key events (1 of 3 showers, 1 of 2 bachelorettes, dress fittings, etc) but the MOH was harassing me telling me that I was trying to ruin the brides day! It got ridiculous, so I just sat my SIL down and talked with her... to my face it was all, "oh no, I had no idea" and "of course I don't think that", but afterwards, she went back to the MOH to complain about me, and of course the MOH came back at me. I just stepped back and showed up for the big day in the (horrible and expensive) dress I was told to wear (was not included in the process) and did nothing else. And it took YEARS to repair that relationship (it's still barely better). I'm not sure on all the details, but it's a very tricky situation, I'm sorry you have to deal with it! I really hope you talk it out and things improve
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VIP September 2016
Ladylove30047 · on August 10, 2016 at 1:42 PM
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Don't quit... Talk to your friend (the bride)... I hope things get better after that... Express your thoughts and feelings with her. She should understand, she asked you for a reason don't let her mother ruin your joy
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