Push back wedding or have commitment ceremony

I know the horse is out of the gate but I don't get paying deposits and setting dates without confirming you're actually divorced. It seems way to risky. Non comprendes

Cheryl-please give us updates! Rooting for you, and want to see how it turns out!

Let me explain something, my fiance and I are both in our 50's. We were both married roughly 28yrs. I have some health issues that God has seen me through, so my fiance and I want to make the most of the time we have.

I have an unpopular opinion here (as I often do lol). IDGAF whether it's a legal wedding or a commitment ceremony or a vow renewal or whatever. Before gay marriage was legal, I went to some gay weddings that weren't legal marriages. They were still weddings to me. I've also been to "vow renewals" for people who were previously legally married but not ceremonially married, but it was still a wedding to me. I'm sure people here would go to polygamist weddings and consider it a real wedding despite its illegality. Out of all the things to get in a tizzy over, whether a wedding you attended was legal or not seems to be an odd one. They hosted you properly, you had a good time, they were honest about their love, now move on and start spreading positive vibes.

I think your answer boils down to your comfort level, whether you feel that you are married, and whether you feel you can commit yourself to your FH. Would it feel like a fake marriage to you, or would it feel like a legitimate commitment ceremony? That's a question only you can answer, not an internet forum.

My sister got legally married before her wedding (for their child to be covered under both insurances) and did not tell anyone so the whole wedding ceremony was essentially a very convincing lie. She had slipped and called her "FH" her Husband a few times so I kinda had a feeling about it, but when my mom found out she had been married she was pretty bothered/offended by the whole thing (I could honestly care less myself, they had a 6 year engagement, a house and kid together, the wedding was really just a formality). Whichever way you chose to go, remember that people will all view it differently and being honest and genuine with your guests may be the best route, but also be prepared for the judgements. At the end of the day a marriage is really just a legal binding. What people will be coming to celebrate will instead be the commitment of a life together (all legality aside )... so in a way it's more meaningful!

Agreed with @Lyla. I know some folks who did that. Divorce with exH wasn't final, but they had their wedding anyway. I'm not sure if the guests knew, but after a couple years no one gave a shit. They celebrate both their ceremony and legal anniversaries. But, their wedding with the reception is what they really measure everything from. That's when they committed to each other. Is it odd? Honestly, maybe a little bit. But, it's really about you and FH. If you are honest with your guests, they can think what they want. Do what feels right for you two.

I'm on team #dontlietoyourguests , but it sounds like you would be "up front" with them, so I hope that means "honest". Because I really cannot see myself explaining to every single person that this would now be a commitment ceremony vs a legal wedding. I think pushing it back is the best option.

Can you pay it back? did you already send out invites?

Sorry you're in this spot OP and I'm glad you are going to be truthful to your guests. I have to admit though, that as a guest I don't think I would be excited to attend your ceremony. I think you're better off to postpone till you can legally wed. Best of luck with your attorney.

I completely understand the struggle with the divorce process. Mine took a over a year to sort and finalize. It was a very stressful time and I can only imagine how much worse it would be right now if I were in your shoes.

I personally think that legal marriage is just a contract which can be signed at any time. The contract does not a marriage make. The commitment is what matters. It's what people come to witness. So if you want to go ahead and commit yourself to loving this person for the rest of your life in front of your nearest and dearest, do it. Then go make it legal later if you choose. Those that mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind. As long as this doesn't affect your divorce, do what feels right.

My divorce took 2 years and we were not contesting anything his lawyer was just retarded and wouldn't get to anything in a timely fashion, in the end I took a copy of the papers to my ex and had him sign them then took them to my lawyer myself.