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Larissa
Savvy February 2022

Push Back on No Kids Wedding

Larissa, on November 12, 2020 at 4:09 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 31

My fiancé and I have decided to have a no kids wedding because a lot of the kids in our families start a lot of trouble when they are together. Last time there was a huge family fight over what the kids did, and members will still not talk to each other months later. There is honestly a huge yelling...
My fiancé and I have decided to have a no kids wedding because a lot of the kids in our families start a lot of trouble when they are together. Last time there was a huge family fight over what the kids did, and members will still not talk to each other months later. There is honestly a huge yelling fight amongst parents because their kids can do no wrong. We’ve decided we want no part of all that drama on a normal day, and especially not on our wedding day! We are getting push back from my fiancé’s mom that if we don’t let certain kids come, the parents won’t come because they won’t know what to do with the kids. These kids are ages 10-15. The wedding is over a year away. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to find accommodations for these kids in that time frame. Find a baby sitter, have the kid sleep over a friend’s house for the night, have them stay with another family member, etc. My fiancé’s mother has made a very big deal about this saying it’s all a ploy so her side of the family can’t come. What do I do with her? Help!

31 Comments

  • Amanda
    Dedicated June 2021
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    We are doing no kids as well (except my flower girl only because she is in the actual wedding). We made it very clear and as unfortunate as it is, if parents came come than they cant come. Stand your ground and don't let anyone change your mind on your big day! Weddings are stressful enough right now! lol

    • Reply
  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag
    It's tour wedding if you and your fiancé don't want kids then simply don't invite them at the end of the day it doesn't matter what his mother says especially if she isn't paying for the wedding!
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Bet you noticed the quiet lack of disruption!
    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yep, and if there is a threat to not attend: "Sorry we will miss you, let's meet for dinner/lunch/brunch afterwards. Toodles!"

    • Reply
  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag

    Its is a special day for you and your Fiancé so if you both agree a kid fee wedding is what you want then thats it. My mil was the only who made a big deal about the no kids rule stating that people wouldn't go and yes unfortunately my husbands side of the family was the one with more small kids. My venue was also not kid-friendly in the sense that our ballroom had exits to these beautiful terraces that had pretty lights and great views, these terraces were off the side of a mountain and were covered in stairs from end to the other. My fear was that a parent (which I have unfortunately had to witness before) wouldn't be watching their children as they should and that one or more of these kids went out to play on the terraces without being noticed and then hurt themselves, etc. One day while at my mil's house we saw my fiance's step sister who has 2 young kids and was one of the people my mil was so worried for because she probably couldn't go, blah blah blah. While there in front of the family I told her about the no-kids rule. This was a little less than a year away from our wedding, maybe the 9 or 10 month mark Her response was a simple, thank God I will arrange to leave them with their dad. My mil didn't say a word after that, the reality is that some parents also like the opportunity to have a kid free night. None of my guests made a big deal about it or anything at all. I let all of my guests that had children know asap so that they had enough time to make arrangements. Everyone had a blast.

    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Savvy October 2020
    Chelsea ·
    • Flag

    I'm 100% with you in terms of your reasoning. What a frustrating situation!

    If possible it would probably be worth it to get the opinion of the relatives in question ("Would you be able to make our wedding without your kids - is a year enough time for you to make a plan for their care?") so that it's not just your mother-in-law-to-be speaking, perhaps erroneously, on their behalf.

    Another option is to set up a babysitter (or babysitting team) for your wedding day, at a location/room separate from your ceremony and reception so the kids can't actually participate but they can travel with the parents and the parents don't have to make the care plan.

    • Reply
  • Milada
    Expert October 2021
    Milada ·
    • Flag

    Stand your ground and know that your wishes deserve to be met on YOUR day. We're having an adults-only wedding as well with the exception of the children in the bridal party (about 7 including our sons) and I'm anticipating SOME push-back but I'm known on both sides as not shying away from "NO". Your day, your rules. If your FMIL feels a way, maybe she can be the babysitter somewhere else? Let her decide lol. Good Luck Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Ty
    Devoted July 2021
    Ty ·
    • Flag

    I understand how that may be, but people should understand. I feel that family and friends are so opinionated during this time, when they should just be supportive. It's YOUR day, stand your ground. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    Beginner October 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    Stand your ground!!! If you let your future MIL dictate your life/decisions now then she is going to continue thinking that behavior is okay the rest of your marriage. It's not. This is your wedding, not hers and if you guys want a kid free wedding then that is absolutely what you should have! It is not a personal attack/ploy against her and her family.

    We also had a kid free wedding and I got a lot of pushback from my side of the family. I actually had my cousin show up with 3 of her (horribly behaved) children and I informed her that the kids had to leave and if she had no one to watch them then she needed to go with them. Did it hurt her feelings at the time? Sure. Did she get over it? Yes. Do I regret doing that? Absolutely not. I didn't have children distracting me or taking away from my wedding day. I'd do it all over again if I had to.

    • Reply
  • Cassidy
    VIP October 2017
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag

    Do not bend. Well, if your MIL says people won't come because they can't bring their kids, well, then I guess they aren't coming then.

    • Reply
  • Shell'a
    Dedicated May 2022
    Shell'a ·
    • Flag

    She just sounds like she's apart of the creation of family drama. Oh geez. I would say its not her wedding, its your guys, and its not her choice. Like you said if they cant find a sitter for 1 day for a wedding then it must not be that important to them. Thats just silly for her to make it a huge deal like that. Especially with you having a valid reason for none of the kids to be there. Its a huge special day for you, the thought of that day being ruined by kids and their parents drama isnt fair.

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