We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Larissa
Savvy February 2022

Push Back on No Kids Wedding

Larissa, on November 12, 2020 at 4:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 31
Saved Save
Reply
My fiancé and I have decided to have a no kids wedding because a lot of the kids in our families start a lot of trouble when they are together. Last time there was a huge family fight over what the kids did, and members will still not talk to each other months later. There is honestly a huge yelling fight amongst parents because their kids can do no wrong. We’ve decided we want no part of all that drama on a normal day, and especially not on our wedding day! We are getting push back from my fiancé’s mom that if we don’t let certain kids come, the parents won’t come because they won’t know what to do with the kids. These kids are ages 10-15. The wedding is over a year away. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to find accommodations for these kids in that time frame. Find a baby sitter, have the kid sleep over a friend’s house for the night, have them stay with another family member, etc. My fiancé’s mother has made a very big deal about this saying it’s all a ploy so her side of the family can’t come. What do I do with her? Help!

31 Comments

Latest activity by Shell'a, on November 19, 2020 at 3:59 PM
  • Soon2Bemarried
    Dedicated October 2022
    Soon2Bemarried ·
    • Flag
    I’m getting the same kind of push back. It’s a scare tactic. The people who are supposed to be there/able to, will come whether kids or no kids invited. I, at one point, was set at only inviting kids 16 and older. The problem arose when a family had multiple kids at different ages, which is obviously not a good thing to split up a family. So if you’re set on not having any kids it should be a hard no at all ages, at everyone’s kids. People will find accommodations if you give them advance noticed.


    But if you’re in the spirit of accommodation...I’ve also heard of hiring a couple of baby sitters for all the out of town guests with kids so on the day of the wedding, the babysitters would watch the kids for the duration of the ceremony and reception. But of course this is an extra, but potentially worth it, expense depending on how much you valued the people with kids to attend your wedding. Best wishes !!
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Stand your ground. Don't let anyone bully you and if you give in to MIL with this, she will cross bigger boundaries in the future.


    Getting a babysitter is not that difficult.
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    Unfortunately, some people not being able to attend comes with the territory of having a "no kids" wedding. In some cases, the parents are unable to find babysitters, and are therefore unable to attend the wedding. As maybe a compromise, are you able to hire someone to watch all the kids during the wedding? Maybe have them setup somewhere off-site, like a hotel or at someone's house? That way, you can still do an adult-only wedding, and the parents with kids could still attend while their kids are with the hired babysitter. Otherwise, if you don't want kids at your wedding, don't let anyone push you into allowing kids. It is your wedding, and you get to decide who is invited.
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    “No,” is a complete sentence. Not her wedding, not her call. She’ll get over it.
    • Reply
  • Dedicated June 2022
    ·
    • Flag
    My cousins who will be bridesmaids and part of the bridal party will only be 12 and 15, but besides them there will not be kids at our wedding. My future father in law was a little passive aggressive about it because that means some of his family might not come since they have kids. It’s not until 2022 so obviously they could find a baby sitter. He was upset because he thinks a slight to his side of the family. Meanwhile, my fiancé doesn’t care and barely knows these cousins or their kids. My advice is to Kind of just skid around it in conversation and just continue doing what you and your fiancé want. It is your day, but... if you do plan on having some kids there definitely make an age limit.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    What?! If a person canbot find accommodations for a 10 to 15 year old then sounds like they have bigger issues.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2022
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    Do not give in. Stand your ground. If the subject is brought up again, simply say the matter has been decided and is no longer up for discussion. Period.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Childcare services are not difficult to locate. Care.com I believe does extensive background checks. People use the excuse of not being able to locate them because they think their children are well behaved when they've never been disciplined a day in their lives. There are countless adult-only events they don't take their children to, including work. Do not let anyone bully you.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine
    Devoted May 2021
    Jasmine ·
    • Flag
    Umm no, they can figure out what to do with them. They are older kids as well. My question is why are these kids causing so much trouble when the are older
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    Could it be that her family's children have been raised by parents who have done such a poor job of socializing them that it is true that no friend's parents, will invite them over, no nanny service or private babysitter will take them? That may well be the truth. But how is that your problem. This is your wedding, and there is no reason you should pay $150-$250 for 3 children, so their parents do not have to spend $20 an hour for a sitter. If they are so poorly behaved, whose problem is that? Some daytime weddings truly are child friendly. But if you want adults only, that is host's choice. Call her bluff over her staying home if kids are not invited. Don't give in to her threats. You have years and years ahead so set boundaries now. Starting with, we do not decide in favor of anyone who threatens us to get their way, ever.


    • Reply
  • Dedicated June 2022
    ·
    • Flag
    I know that I didn’t originate post this, but I am so glad that everyone agrees that it’s not okay for in-laws to dictate our weddings. I literally thought I was going crazy with some of the things they were saying.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    She sounds sooo annoying!!! We thankfully did a kid free wedding and yes, certain people could not attend, and we literally did not notice 😂
    She needs to be put in her place by your fiancé. I feel for you! 🤍🤍
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    Stick to your guns! Tell her it’s not fair to invite some kids and not others and you decided on a kid-free wedding. Period. (Actually since it’s your FMIL, your fiancé gets to tell her.)


    PS Know that infants of breast-feeding age are the exception to this rule. And any kids in your wedding party are allowed.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar April 2021
    Michelle Online ·
    • Flag
    Those kids are old enough- they do not need a babysitter! I definitely don’t agree with the person who said to compromise & hire a sitter to watch them at the reception. That’s a load of crap- there are much bigger issues going on!
    We’re having a no children ceremony/reception. The only kids that will be there are the flower girl & ring bearer (sister/brother) who are extremely well behaved children. There’s even a room where they can go watch cartoons or play if they get bored with the adult festivities. The parents of the kids are my fiancé’s sister & brother in law, they are very hands on parents- they don’t expect others to watch their kids. We have told everyone that this is a no kids thing & our RSVP’s state “Adult Ceremony/Reception. We haven’t gotten any pushback. STICK TO YOUR VISION!!
    • Reply
  • Dana
    Savvy October 2021
    Dana ·
    • Flag
    We're doing a no kids wedding as well. We're thinking like 16+ only. But that's on the parents. 10-15 is old enough for them to just stay home for a day honestly and you're giving them time in advance to plan. If they can't handle that then oh well lol. Don't let a bunch of brats ruin your day just because Karen couldn't be bothered to hire a sitter.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    150% THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS.

    Remember that every time your FMIL gets to dictate something NOW, she'll do it twice over after the wedding.

    ...That really goes for ANYONE trying to push your boundaries, now.

    If they can do it now, they'll do it when you try to move, think about a pet, or kids, or... yeah.

    No.

    End of story.

    She can go yell about it to someone who will listen.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Rockstar October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I would tell your FMIL that is this yours and your fiancé's wedding, not hers. If she wants all of these kids to come, she can stay in a separate room and look after them all night. It sounds like you are making the right choice by not allowing kids (we didn't have kids either and it was amazing!). Stick to your guns and don't let your FMIL harass you about it.

    Parents can absolutely find babysitters between now and February 2022. Also, kids that are 10-15 years old can typically stay home by themselves. If people choose not to come because they can't bring their kids, oh well.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
    • Flag
    Stay strong and stick with what you want. It's your wedding not hers. We originally were not going to have kids because we didn't want someone's kid ruining our big day that we paid a lot of money for. We know people who have unruly kids and the parents don't parent their kids. But with Coronavirus limiting us on people we are definitely not budging on the no kids rule for the simple fact that we don't have the room to spare on kids. I'd tell her that it would be bad etiquettes to allow some to bring kids while others can't.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Super August 2021
    Katie Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    This is absolutely a 10000% true. My sil let her grandmother dictate her wedding, my brother was the one who had to put his foot down because her grandmother didn't want my family at the wedding. My brother told her that if we weren't allowed to come that him and his wife to be would elope and she would never see her get married. But she still dictated a lot of the wedding. Then when my sil became pregnant her grandmother took over the baby shower and did not want to invite me and my mom, then when my brother yelled at her she told us we could come only if we paid for our own dinner. My sister in law eventually stopped talking to her grandmother all together.


    Then with my wedding my mother in law to be wanted to throw me a separate bridal shower with just her side, I told her thanks but no thanks, I would like to have one big shower with both sides there. She kept insisting and eventually I was thinking of letting her. But then my sister in law reminded me that if I allowed her to throw a separate bridal shower that she would do this with every milestone in our lives like when we have kids she'll want to throw a separate baby shower with just her family. So I put my foot down and got stern with her. And im sticking with my guns.
    • Reply
  • Janet
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Janet ·
    • Flag
    Stick with your guns! My fiancé and I are also having a no kids wedding next year. Truly kids cost and sometimes kids are in the way. ( They waste food) So we have a budget and it is what it is!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles