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Just Said Yes September 2019

Providing meal etiquette at reception

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Jessica, on August 21, 2019 at 2:10 PM

So my Fiance and I just found out that his elderly grandmother, who is in a nursing home in PA, will require two paid caregivers in order for her to come to our wedding in NC. She doesn't really have use of her legs, so they would help push her wheelchair around, help her get to the restroom, etc. His dad will most likely be providing the caregivers, so we wouldn't be paying for them ourselves. However we have very limited seating/meal budget for our reception. My question is do we need to give the caregivers two seats and meals even though they are not part of our invited guests, and they are already being paid by my Fiance's family? I am split between not wanting to be rude and selfish, but also feeling like we have spent a lot of money to provide a meal for our friends and family who are coming to support us. I understand providing a meal for our photographer and reception coordinator since they have been working with us on planning all this for quite awhile, but this just feels different. My Fiance thinks it would be rude not to, but I am still on the fence. Please give me your honest opinions! Thank you!

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35 Comments

Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on August 21, 2019 at 3:57 PM
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Yes, feed them. And seat them with the grandmother. Thinking of them as her “guests” as suggested is a good idea to help wrap your head around it. These people are part of her attendance, without them, she wouldn’t be there.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on August 21, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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I would seat them by the grandmother, since they will probably need to be close pretty much all the time to help her. But maybe call the company in advance your dad hires them from, and ask if a vendor meal is okay or if they can bring their own meal?
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Expert August 2019
Aliciabilly2019 · on August 21, 2019 at 4:12 PM
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I think if you really want her there that it would be rude not to feed her care givers bc then what are they going to eat while taking care of her whole time there.
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Devoted July 2020
Monica · on August 21, 2019 at 4:16 PM
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Yes, you need to feed them. Unfair to ask them to bring a bagged lunch or whatever.
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Super September 2019
Courtney · on August 21, 2019 at 4:26 PM
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I would probably get them a vendor meal like you are with for the other people working that day! And I would see if they could take their break where the other vendors/staff eat during the wedding. Not to be rude, but I don’t think they necessarily need to be seated at the table like a guest. I think it’s polite to feed them because it will be a long day and over meal time but I wouldn’t work them into your seating chart.
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Champion November 2016
LB · on August 21, 2019 at 4:36 PM
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They should 100% have a seat and you should feed them.
My grandmother has an aide and at my cousin's wedding they made her sit outside in the lobby to eat (kinda counterproductive as she was there to help my grandmother). I was disgusted that they would treat someone who is there to help with such indifference. At my wedding the aide had an escort card, a seat, a meal, a favor, everything every other guest had. These people are truly selfless and deserve this at least.
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Super April 2020
Emily · on August 21, 2019 at 4:37 PM
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I would definitely feed them. Chat with your venue and see if they can be provided a meal like your vendors, at a discount at least.
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Expert May 2021
Jaime · on August 21, 2019 at 5:03 PM
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These two caregivers are your guests and you should absolutely feed them and treat them as you do your other guests. They need to have seats next to your grandmother and be respected for the work they are doing helping your grandmother be present.
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Savvy September 2019
Amanda · on August 21, 2019 at 5:11 PM
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Check with your caterer about vendor meals. Sometimes they are cheaper and you might be able to put them under vendors as they are providing a service.
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on August 21, 2019 at 5:14 PM
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This isn't even a question. Yes you have to feed them and sit them with his grandmother so they can take care of her. Why would you think it's ok to feed your vendors but not the caregivers?
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Dedicated October 2019
Lindsay · on August 22, 2019 at 12:11 AM
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Def. need to feed and give them seats. I would talk to your fiancé about him asking your dad to help pay for these additional guests though. If he flat out says no you may just need to suck it up and pay. Just think of it as a charge to keep the peace 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on August 22, 2019 at 12:23 AM
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Yes it would be very rude not to provide them with a meal and chair. At same table with grandma. Thus really us not a choice. Imagine working a 5 or 6 hour day standing and no food. They are there to help his grandma. They are working the event for his grandma.
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Savvy November 2021
Mattie · on August 22, 2019 at 12:55 AM
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I would feed them and provide them with a seat (even if the chair is not one of the rentals).
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Dedicated October 2019
Andie · on August 22, 2019 at 1:53 AM
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Just jumping on the bandwagon with everyone else and saying yes they need to be fed and have a seat. And to the point of seating them with her— she may need help feeding herself or keeping herself clean from food droppage while eating, the caregivers would need to be there to help with that. Along with that, if grandma has to go to the bathroom during the meal, is someone else supposed to go find them standing in the back or hiding in the lobby to let them know? That’s extremely counterproductive and defeats the purpose. I know it throws a wrench in your plans, but if you want her there, this is 100% something you need to work in.
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Expert October 2020
L. Thomson · on August 22, 2019 at 1:56 AM
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As far as meal etiquette - please include them and feed them. I worked in the healthcare field for 8 years, providing care to the elderly and disabled. Even now, I assist my mother who has Stage 4 Parkinson's. Caregiving is a hard, often thankless job. Yes they are getting paid but these people are providing care the entire time. They aren't taking breaks. It's not like they can go grab something to eat then return.
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