Joseph
Savvy June 2022

Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there?

Joseph, on May 12, 2021 at 5:17 PM

Posted in Parties and Events 90

What does everyone think? I’m at a loss as to how I should proceed. Both options have their pros and cons.
What does everyone think? I’m at a loss as to how I should proceed. Both options have their pros and cons.

90 Comments

  • Elizabeth
    Dedicated November 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Definitely sounds like you want it to be private then, and if her best friend agrees she would want that too, then like everyone else has said don't let anyone pressure you into anything else. This is about the two of you. If her family wants to share in it you can invite them to celebrate with you afterwards.

    Your situation reminds me of the Jim/Pam proposal in The Office where they met halfway on their usual drive to see each other and he proposed at a gas station in the rain. Not suggesting you borrow an idea from a TV show, but there is definitely something meaningful and touching about sneaking it into your typical routine and turning something that has historically been difficult for the two of you into something joyful.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Me personally, just the two of us. Give her a chance for it to be her moment and share the news how/when she feels she wants to. Plus there is a lot of pressure to say yes in front of families, so making it just the two of you gives her space to be authentic, not have to put on a performance, and even say no or she isn't sure if she needs to.

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  • T
    Devoted August 2020
    Tina ·
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    Mine proposed in the spot we met. Alone.


    If that helps. Best of luck Smiley smile
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  • Carissa
    Dedicated September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Am I to understand correctly that your fiance is 50 years old? Or did I misinterpret the comment where you say "at 50, I dont feel like I have to ask her father for her hand"?


    If she is indeed 50, I think it would be rather odd to include her family, but that's just me. It seems like more of a young couple thing to do as a 50 year old should have long since fled the nest.
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  • Betty
    Dedicated July 2021
    Betty ·
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    So I'm going to add my 2 cents in here. My FH "was" apparently planning to propose in Hawaii on a trip I/we had been planning for about 2 years which was set to happen last fall for a milestone birthday for me... We shopped for a ring together & picked out the stone for said ring together (we had been dating for almost 10 years at that point). I knew the ring was "in stock" and he was going to propose "sometime" but the when was the question. Covid struck & we didn't get to go to Hawaii ~ we live in Florida and so we planned a couple weekend trips instead one to Orlando and one to a beach a couple counties south. I was kind of convinced he was going to propose the 1st weekend which was my actual birthday weekend ~ but he didn't which was fine & we had a great time regardless. So the next weekend getaway rolled around and I basically put it out of my mind that he was "going" to propose ~ figured he would wait for Thanksgiving or whatever ~ so I am not thinking about it at all. Just the 2 of us and enjoying the time spent together.

    The second day we were planning to go to the beach (fall in Florida the weather was perfect ) but we ended up staying at the hotel watching a movie & were at the beach much later than originally planned. I left my phone in the room & he left his in the car. Long story short we found this sort of broken shell (which being a FL girl I wouldn't keep cause broken) but he decides to keep it (no big deal but if I kept every shell I ever found on a beach I wouldn't be able to live in my house LOL). We walk a bit farther & set up our towels etc. ~ after settling in he asked if I wanted to see "the shell" ~ I am like sure ~ my engagement ring was in the broken hole in the shell! Needless to say I said yes! We are getting married on a different beach in July ~ AND the shell is part of our story! (I only have pictures because I asked a random lady leaving the beach to take them!)

    Moral to this long story is you have to do what you KNOW is going to make her (AND YOU) happy ~ so I am thinking just the 2 of you & go with your plan on the 29th! Her parents WILL understand (after the fact)!

    Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 1

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I have always believed proposing should be a personal and private thing. Also that it does not need anything extra besides a kiss and loving words between you. No telling anyone else, not parents or friends , not way in advance, and certainly no friends helping make it happen. Just the two of you, and looking and everything you want to say to each other.
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  • Claire
    Beginner October 2021
    Claire ·
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    I will say my husband made it the both of best worlds. I didn't want to have him ask me in front of anyone, I made it very known that I wanted it to just be us so we could have our moment, just the two of us. To set the tone, we live in CT and go to NYC every December for our anniversary. So as I was packing to go, he called me to the living room, put on our now wedding song, and asked me to marry him in front of our Christmas tree. It was just us and it was perfect and beautiful and I wouldn't have changed it for anything! (I still tear up thinking about it) Now, we had plans this same night to meet up with my friend after her company's holiday party in the city. When we finally got to the party, I turned the corner and it was all my local family and friends! I was shocked! I'm not one for surprises, but hell was this the best surprise anyone could've pulled off. I was already on cloud 9 so when I saw everyone I love there to celebrate with me, it was truly overwhelming in the absolute best way. I was so happy that my family and friends were there to celebrate something so important with me, but I was also able to have a moment with my husband, just us, to celebrate our engagement (and to ugly cry in peace!). It was honestly the best night of my life! So you can still have that moment together, just the two of you, and also incorporate family. If it's important to her to have her family part of such a momentous occasion, but she has also mentioned having it just be the two of you, I personally think this is the best of both worlds. Good luck and congrats (preemptively!)

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  • Sam
    Devoted October 2021
    Sam ·
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    To be honest my fiancé proposed at a beautiful park just the two of us and it was absolutely perfect! I liked that it was just me and him.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    Yes! I am still so torn!
    Rrrrrr. This ring is burning a hole in me!!!
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    That is an amazing story. Wow.
    Thank you for sharing this! I still have NO IDEA what I am going to do.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    The ring is burning a hole in me! I have become so sappy since I met her!
    I have practiced at least a hundred times my proposal, my words to her. She is the most magnificent creature that God ever allowed to walk the face of this Earth. I hope that every groom to be feels like that.
    Thank you! I will post when I figure it out!😃
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    That IS BEAUTIFUL! I lived in Palm Beach county for years, in Jupiter. I am a Florida boy myself. She has no clue about sea glass. I’m taking her there in June.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    I’m 49. She is 50. She is an only child and very close to her parents. I am so torn because they have been so accepting and kind. Part of me wants them to see this, because I know that they love her. The rest of me wants to be alone. I don’t want her parents to see me cry if she says yes.
    Thank you for your help!
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    The very moment that I saw her. I knew. I just knew. It was just like getting struck by lightning. She was so tiny and beautiful and I made a total fool of myself. I met her, and I was like, WOW! There’s my WIFE! It’s been a long road, this long distance relationship. Sometimes it’s really, really hard. We have never ever missed a weekend apart though. 187 miles one way. 7 months.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    Wow. Your comment really rocked me. Yeah. I have gotten her a really, really great ring. We are the most ridiculous two people ever, during our waking hours we have a two hour time limit on communication. We just can’t seem to live without each other. Our relationship is a long distance one, 7 months and we have never missed a weekend together. I have spent hours practicing my proposal. I just sit and hold her ring and look at it. She could actually tell me no. I don’t think that she will, but still....
    If she says yes, I’m going to cry. If she says no, I’m going to cry. Yeah. I don’t need her Dad to see that and collect my Man Card.
    Thank you!
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    The first time that I saw her. I knew. This beautiful woman was going to become my WIFE. Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 2
    I bought her a really great ring. I know how we are together. I know that maybe others would like to share this moment, but I just want her all to myself for this.
    I’m thinking I’m going to ask her on Saturday.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    Since I first laid my eyes upon her. In an instant. I knew. We have endured this long distance relationship together. Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 3
    Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 4We already have figured out that we are going to marry. This is where will exchange vows. I send her a dozen long stem reds every single week, without fail. She saves the petals. I am not having a groomsman, nor is she having a bridesmaid or having her father walk her. I’m going to stand, ankle deep, alone in those petals that represent everything that we have sacrificed to be together.


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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    Coldplay. Iko. I didn’t make that up.
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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    I am taking her to my favorite place on the planet. Palm Beach next month. I’d hoped that I could wait. I can’t.Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 5
    Proposing. Just the two of us or with her family there? 6I
    I cannot bear the weight of this ring!! I have been practicing for days. I have to give it to her.
    Thank you!!!! You helped me make up my mind!


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  • Joseph
    Savvy June 2022
    Joseph ·
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    Thank you Grace! I have been practicing for days! I have been lying awake all night for weeks.
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