Promoting a bridesmaid to maid of honor

This really rubs me the wrong way. Are you their boss? Are they your employees? What kind of expectations do you have of your MOH that she isn't meeting? Also, what would be the benefit of making a speech at the reception 'promoting' her? If I were a guest at a wedding where someone did this I would find it very passive aggressive, as well as unnecessary - no one really cares who your maid of honor is, and how many DIY projects she helped you do.

The way you talk about her makes it seem like your wedding is some kind of peace corps operation and you are giving her an award for honorable service. Write her a nice thank you note, give her an extra thank you gift if you want, but making a big show of 'promoting' her in front of everyone seems like making it way more big of a deal than it is, and it may hurt your current MOH's feelings.

Both yes and no? I think having co-MOH is a good idea. I do NOT think it’s a good idea to announce it at the reception because it may put your MOH on the spot (ie: guests thinking why a BM got special recognition but wasn’t a MOH until not, did the original MOH do anything, etc.) i also think you should talk to your original MOH that you’re thinking of “upgrading a BM” because there’s a chance you may offend your original MOH. If your BM really doesn’t mind not being a MOH, maybe you can show your gratitude with a dinner with just the two of you

View Quoted Comment I was thinking about having a talk with my MOH about it. I really wanted to surprise my bridesmaid with it. Maybe I could do it at the bachelorette party?

I felt attacked by your comment.
A MOH that doesn't help with any planning whatsoever, and basically doesnt even talk about the wedding IS a bad MOH. She's a great friend, bad MOH, and she will tell you so. You think I would say it to you and not openly have discussed it with her? I asked if it was okay to promote a bridesmaid at my reception. I did not ask for nor do I need a critique on my expectations.

It's no one's job but yours to plan your wedding.

I'm sorry you felt attacked. To answer your question: it's a bad idea to promote a bridesmaid at your reception.

View Quoted Comment Https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/the-ultimate-maid-of-honor-duties-checklist

This seems super awkward and something I might see in a weird wedding movie. If this happened at a wedding I was at, the gossip for the rest of the night would be what did the original MOH do to so this other girl got upgraded. The only job of anyone in your bridal party is to show up in the dress on the day of, if one of your BM did more and your MOH did less doesn't mean you promote the bridesmaid. It is massively passive aggressive. If I was the MOH in this situation I'd be mortified and would probably immediately leave. Honestly, the more I think about this, the more I hate it. There is nothing wrong with having co-MOH but this makes it seem like it was a competition on who got to be it and one girl one and the rest weren't good enough.

Just because an online checklist says it's true, doesn't mean it is.

I think we just have very different ideas of what a bridal party is for and why you ask them to be with you at your wedding.

I would not single her out at the reception. Go ahead and get her a little something special and give it to her before the wedding.
I do agree with PP there are no technical responsibilities for your wedding party, if they want to help then fantastic. Saying your current MOH is horrible and wanting to "promote" makes it sound like a full fledged job. These are your friends and if you single someone out at your reception to "promote" then you run the risk of hurting everyone else.

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My MOH was my MOH because she is my closest friend, who has been there for me through a lot over many years. I expected and asked nothing of her except to stand up next to me on my wedding day, wearing the dress I bought for her. She and my other bridesmaid planned a hen party for me, but there was no expectation on them to do that. But to answer your question, I don't think it's OK in any way, shape or form to "promote" a bridesmaid at your reception. If I was a guest, I'd be wondering what the hell you were on about and would think it was very strange, as if she was your employee. Thank her in private, get her a bigger gift than you're getting your other bridesmaids, but I really wouldn't say anything at the reception. If you're making a toast at the reception, you could probably thank her for organizing your shower and bachelorette, but don't go any further than that.

I don’t know how to put this in words. I don’t think promoting someone in the middle of the reception to maid of honor is something that is normal to do. It is really putting her and the current maid of honor on the spot. And this day is about you and your husband. All that hard work is in the past, so focus on the moment. I would say that you can show her your appreciation for her hard work by doing a little extra for her gift maybe.

Or take her out to dinner to thank her. I think it might hurt your current MOH if you did that, I know I would be hurt.

Some people dont realize they should help, some people don’t know much about weddings (like myself) or maybe busy with life. I think it is great you want to show your appreciation, but I wouldn’t make anything big at all. A small gesture personally will probably mean more anyways.

As a guest this would make me super uncomfortable. Hard pass.

Also, agree with others, you honor your MOH based on the relationship you have with them, not how much they do to plan YOUR wedding.

And no one attacked you. Disagreeing with you when you asked for opinions is not attacking.

It's not a job for you to promote or demote people. If your bridesmaid went above and beyond give her something nice privately. It would be really awkward as a guest to see this and try to figure out what went down for such a cringe worthy announcement to be made in the middle of the reception.

No one attacked you. PP asked you questions that may have been uncomfortable for you but, she wasn't attacking you.

Don't do it. It would humiliate your MOH and make your guests feel weird, maybe your "promoted" bridesmaid, too.

When one of my dear friends got married years ago, her sister was her rightful maid of honor. She wasn't local, so I did all of the "wedding" stuff with my friend. Even selected and purchased all of the bridal party attire (they reimbursed me). Never for one second did I feel badly, wish I was her MOH, or expect anything in return. It would have been super uncomfortable if she had done something like that at her reception.

Take her out to dinner after your honeymoon or something.

You can do something like give her a nice gift and a nice letter expressing these feelings. As a guest, it would be really odd to watch the "promotion," at the reception and I think it would offend the current MOH. If anything, give a nice speech at the rehearsal dinner. Your original post said she has been a "HORRIBLE MOH" and "done nothing." So, you obviously had some expectations...

WOWee no, it’s not an okay thing to do, especially if you ever want any sort of relationship again with your current MOH. The effect of this plan would come across as you standing in front of all your friends and family saying “my first choice wasn’t great but this other girl knocked it out of the park”
i understand wanting to honor/show appreciation for this girl, but making a public spectacle of it reflects badly on you. Get her an extra nice gift, write a super sentimental card about much you appreciate her. But, this stuff should be private

I understand that you want to give some recognition to your friend but the best way to do this would be to thank her privately for her friendship, and give an extra symbolic gift if you can afford it.

A public "promotion" sounds like it would be extremely awkward.. besides, the guests don't care who did what in the bridal party.

I would do something privately. Tell her how much you appreciate everything shedid. Take her for a mani/pedi with you or something you know she likes. I wouldn’t want to put the MOH on the spot like that in public.

No, this is not a good idea. "Promoting" someone in this manner would likely make your guests and current MOH feel awkward. As PP have said, just get her a bigger gift or do something with her in private.

Additionally, MOHs, while traditionally in charge of hosting bachelorette parties and/or bridal showers, are not necessarily required to do so. They also aren't required to help decorate, set-up, clean-up, etc. They really just need to be supportive, get the appropriate attire, and get down the aisle. If they insist on helping with additional things, that's a bonus.

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I agree... This isn't a 'job'.