Prenup

@Rebekah I'm wondering the same thing!!!

And if he's worth 8 figures, I'd be asking a lawyer for help in this, not all of us.

Shit, if you combined me and my fh, plus all our friends and family, we MIGHT be worth half a mil!!! That's after were all dead and the bills are paid off, not what we've got today, lmao.

I'm a lawyer. i would say that in many cases people should get prenups. it's not about not being romantic - it's about being prepared because you never know what will happen.

i HIGHLY recommend that you speak with a lawyer to determine (a) what you would be entitled to in your jurisdiction and (b) what you are allowed to contract around. you can see if there are services for free consultations, but if not it's probably still worth it for you since you are dealing with significant assets.

without going into details since i don't know where you're from, what some people have posted here isn't an accurate reflection on the law in many jurisdictions. a pre-nup can protect both of you, depending on how it is written.

A prenup is mostly for the protection of the person who enters the marriage with more assets. In the absence of one, you are typically (depending on state law) entitled to half the assets earned during the marriage, but none of the assets he brought into the marriage. But it's common that assets he already owns get commingled with assets accumulated during the marriage. For example, he might own a building subject to a mortgage now, but might pay the mortgage while you are married with assets earned during the marriage. The function of a prenup is to avoid having to untangle all that if you ever get divorced, by providing a certain amount (or an amount calculated based on a certain formula) that you get in the event of a divorce.

So, you're not going to be left destitute in the event of a divorce if you don't have a prenup. The major reason to have one is to minimize the cost of a divorce if one becomes necessary.

Obviously, this is all very general, and depends a lot on your state law. It's probably worth talking with a family lawyer if this is a concern to either of you.

I believe in them if there is a second marriage and children involved. If I was the wealthier half I would be sure to protect my kids in the event of a divorce and its not their biological father. I don't believe in them otherwise. I am confused by your thinking. You are marrying him, so you will be protected. I live in Florida and they have STRONG spousal laws. If a spouse left a will and assets were left to another person-- the living spouse trumps the will. A prenup is normally to protect the person who has more wealth, at least that is what I thought.

What I am saying is I don't want a divorce or his assets. His mother has hinted at one and has been against us getting married from the start because I am older and not Jewish. He doesn't want one . There are no mortgages on his assets they are in his family for years. I would rather just know that I'm ok. His family has been against us for years. I feel like if something happened to him. She would be here the next day to toss me out of his home. I would be fine with him just adding my name to his home so I know me and my son ( from my prior marriage) who has autism and is very close with FI. Are ok. I am not interested in his money I love him with everything in my soul. But I've been thru this before and it's a tough thing to go thru with a sick child . Also his father died very young due to a hereditary illness that came out of nowhere and took him within 6 months. So I really worry if anything should happen to him ( god forbid). She would be here the next day saying get out. Cause my name is not on anything.

Consult an attorney licensed to practice law in your state.

Neither of us saw the need for it, we don't like the idea. There wasn't a discussion it was a quick and easy "no - end of discussion"

@Erin not true, I know couples with prenups, The husband made all the money and the wife was a stay at home wife. They got a prenup and the wife had written in the prenup if they were to divorce she would get half of everything. So it can protect both people.

I understand what you are saying too OP. When my mother died, my dad remarried. Lets say it was an all out war between kids and new step family. I would consult an attorney too. I do think that almost all states the wife has a stronger case even when it rivals children (children against step), so it should definitely with a mother-in-law. A spouse has a lot of power, its why prenups are "usually" drawn up for the half that is wealthier and worried about assets. Now, Im not sure I understand who's buildings these belong too, if it belongs to his family and you think its partly his...then thats another ball game. I personally wouldn't worry much about it and try building your fortune together and make sure your secure by your own means, either way its best to talk an attorney because you are going to get lots of differing opinions and maybe not the best advice.

Wow, you're 44? You look young in your photo

I am worth more than my FH (or so I claim, he might claim differently!) and legally we've both agreed pre-nups are good, but now that it's down to time and money we're both like....uhhhhhhh..... So I don't know if we will do one or not. I think we'll talk about it more seriously in April after my work traveling finishes.

I think while we're all in this engagement period nobody thinks EVER that they will be the ones to be divorced. Pre-nups are just there IN CASE, not that you're expecting or hoping to divorce... It's the same as contracts... Contracts (simplified) are there for when things go wrong. They're just there for the worst-case scenario.

Terry - that is what a will is for, not a pre-nup

Oh Champagne... you have that song in my head now!

@amanda-kiora thank you yes I'm 44.. i will consult a lawyer.. i have many questions... the buildings are the families, however everything is in his name

Well if you were in love and 15 years later she changed and turned into a monster and divorced you and took 1/2 of everything, would you ignore the details regarding how love "sometimes" changes? It is a bullet I had to bite.

This is good advice and if there is true love, a prenup means nothing.

A will or trust can override a prenup depending on how it is written.