Premarital counseling?

Most churches offer it, if you are part of a church. In Florida, you have the option of going through a pre-marital counseling course which waives the wait time on your license and also reduces the fee for the license (only applicable to residents). Their website also list places that offer pre-marital counseling. Also, some counselors offer that niche.

I would talk to your FH and say something along the lines that you think it would be a good idea for you both to go through this experience and that you want you both to be fully prepared for this commitment you are making to each other. [And speaking from experience, while it may be challenging, it is an eye opening experience to who you are as a person and your triggers and how your partner is.]

Good luck.

Check out Couplecheckup.com It costs 35.00 dollars, but its on online survey you and your partner separately do. Then you come back together and read the results, it is actually very helpful. It shows where the stress lies in the relationship. My pastor had us do this before we met with him so he had a starting point on things to talk about. It was very interesting and definitely worth doing....

But you don't need a pastor to discuss the results.

The concerns you've mentioned are NOT small things. As I read your post, before I got to where you said it, I thought, "he sounds like a spoiled teenager...." Unless you want to be both his wife and his MOM, I definitely think the two of you need to have some honest conversations about what you envision for your life and relationship. If he's unaware of how you truly feel, you need to tell him TODAY. And, if he doesn't understand that what you want from him is very different than what he's giving you and/or is unwilling to actively (and quickly) change, then I think you should insist on premarital counseling. If he's unwilling, then I would at least postpone if not call off the wedding. Marriage isn't even just 50-50; it's really 75-75, with both partners doing all they can to build and support their joint life. What you've described sounds more like 90-10. You are not wrong, or unappreciative, or anything else. But, you need to clearly communicate how you feel and what you're going to need and expect, before you move forward with the wedding. It's hard to tell if he's just clueless and immature, or if he's well aware of what he's doing and assumes that's the way things should be. You need to find out! Good luck!

Just a thought: When there's dishes in the sink or stuff on the floor, do you ask him for help? Sometimes my husband doesn't really realize it needs to be done, so I'll just ask for help.

I know it doesn't solve the core problem, but maybe if he's reminded now and again, he'll be more willing to help.

Not anywhere near the extent that you're describing, but daughter and SIL certainly had different expectations regarding chores, etc., early on in their relationship (they started dating when they were 15, and moved in together for the first time toward the end of college, and married when they were 24 and had been living together for three+ years). SIL grew up in a family with very different expectations about home maintenance than daughter did, so getting on the same page was something they really had to work together on. One way they've approached it is, when their schedules permit, they do chores together. Earlier on, daughter had to be very explicit about exactly what SIL needed to do, because, honestly, I don't think he had a clue about doing laundry or cleaning. However, before they got engaged, they had figured things out so that they approach pretty much everything, shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, yardwork, financial stuff, etc., as an equal partnership. Now that they're in a house, there are some chores they've divided based on interest/time/talent rather than doing everything together, but it's working for them. I share all that to encourage you, that if in fact he's just clueless/immature, it's quite possible to change things, but it will take honest communication on both your parts. Good luck!

He totally sounds immature. I'm guessing no one really has taught him to be responsible for himself. Most insurances will give you a list of who you can go through for therapy. Also, if your workplace offers an Employee Assistance Program you could probably get a few free sessions that way.

Please don't feel trapped in a relationship or impending marriage just because a lot of money was spent. The engagement period is to see if marriage is viable. Once things are signed and sealed, it's a hell of a lot harder to get out of it than disappointing people who have paid for things.

We are in the exact same space, so you are not alone. My FH is pretty much the same way—he’s just never had to do the things “grown-ups” do. He has a good job and has always worked and his family is wonderful—he just never has been confronted with a lot of these issues and kind of has a “stick your head in the sand” mentality. Meanwhile, I’ve been pretty self-sufficient since college (we’re in our 30’s) so its very hard for me that he hasn’t caught up so to speak.

Once we started living together its gotten better on the household front as I just got comfortable with telling him—can you do the dishes while I clean the bathroom? Or I’m going to walk the dogs if you vacuum. I really think for some men, it’s just as a pp said—they just don’t see it. But it is also hard to get over having the mental burden of remembering all these things (which I think women are just now starting to really talk about)—so I’m probably still going to have to think of other strategies but i”m hoping over time, doing the dishes just becomes habit for him and he won’t remember what life was like before!

For us, the financial side has been much more difficult. He’s never had to learn how to save and parents have always stepped in if something happens. They mean well, but certainly have not taught their sons good habits. I’ve had to teach him about credit scores and why its important to have a savings account, etc. I struggle with how to discuss with him without being condescending (I would never tell him he isn’t “adulting” or call him immature to his face as put downs won’t help but it does feel that way sometimes). But convincing him that “other adults” take care of their house, save for down payments and retirement has been a struggle!

I’m trying to learn how to take it step by step and remembering that I didn’t get all my financial or household habits overnight—they were developed from years of living on my own, etc. So I’m thinking I’m going to try subtly throwing in some podcasts when we’re cleaning or maybe when you’re in the car you can suggest you listen to some self-help/enrichment type books. That way—even if you’re not pushing it on him, there’s still background noise that may help reinforce good habits.