Pre-wedding Parties

I had a bridal shower hosted by my mom and bridesmaids and a small “bachelorette” tea (more of a picnic tea party) hosted by myself as a thank you to my bridesmaids (I paid for all of their tea boxes and just asked that they join me for a couple hours).

View Quoted Comment How fun!! How far ahead of your wedding did you do the bachelorette tea party?

I had bridal shower hosted by my bridesmaids and bachelorette planned by my bridesmaids. I hosted the rehearsal dinner.

View Quoted Comment It was two weekends ago and I finally get married tomorrow. I asked them first if they would feel comfortable getting together (about 2 weeks ahead of the tea). It was only 4 of us (small bridal party to begin with) and we found a park that we could spread out a bunch of blankets. Since COVID thwarted anything they had been planning and we had to move to Plan C in mid-August, I wanted to make sure I thanked them for their support and flexibility since they weren’t going to be allowed at the ceremony (my MOH will now be attending now that we’re on Plan D). We talked about doing a girl’s spa day next year ahead of the reception, so I’ll probably budget for that so I can treat them to a facial or massage.

My bridesmaids threw me a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Bridal luncheons are often hosted by the bride and are basically the shower without the gifts. Welcome parties are thrown the night before the wedding itself, if held at all. If people are inviting out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner or just opt to have drinks or something with guests the night before, those can be considered welcome parties. We had a rehearsal dinner where we invited immediate family, the bridal party with SOs/dates, and out of town guests, so that was sort of a welcome party.

My MOH and I are throwing a bridal brunch at her house. In lieu of a shower since I do not need a registry and just I wanna have food and drinks with my girls. My MOH is also hosting a bachelorette for me. Just something to go out and have a good time. My friends would be there for me even with the minimony I am having. Plus at the brunch we are feeding them and giving them drinks so really just a themed party. LOL

We had bridal showers, hosted by one of my bridesmaids, my moms best friend, and my MIL. I had a bachelorette party hosted by bridal party members. And I had a bridal luncheon hosted by my mom.

View Quoted Comment Very cool! And I forgot about the rehearsal dinner as a pre-wedding event!! I was aware of that one too.

Generally gift-giving events, like showers or engagement parties, are hosted by others who offer to host them for the bride/couple. (Etiquette strongly suggests it's rude for an individual to host a gift-giving event for themselves; although, there are members of this forum who will dispute that....) Similarly, a bachelorette party is usually hosted by others. Again, there are sometimes brides on this forum who insist it is fine for them to plan their own, but then expect others to pay for it. Depending on the crowd, that can end up alienating people and create a lot of drama.

If gifts are not typically part of a party and the bride/couple host and pay for the event, that's fine; so a bride who plans and pays for her own bachelorette party is fine, but one who expects/tells others to host & pay for it for her is not cool. A "bridal luncheon" is typically code for "a non-gift giving event the bride is hosting for her bridal party and/or other close friends/family to thank them for their support and spend time together before the wedding." A welcome party is often tied to the rehearsal dinner, and is again, a hosted event, often for out-of-town guests who will be arriving a day or two before the wedding.

Generally, anything guests are invited to should be hosted by someone, either the bride/couple or by others on their behalf (mom/aunt/bridal party for a shower, the couple or parents for the welcome/rehearsal dinner, etc.). You'll find a lot of pretty heated posts on this forum from brides who want to tell other people to host a party for them.... That's almost always considered rude. Hosting should always be voluntary, and is NOT a requirement to be in a wedding party (again, a fair amount of drama & confusion about that on this forum).

Good luck!

EDT: Also, none of the above gatherings are "required," so if no one offers to host, or the couple doesn't want a party/fuss, or the couple doesn't want to shoulder the expense, they can be skipped without any problem. The exception to that would be if the couple asks wedding party members to attend a rehearsal, there should be some kind of hosted gathering/meal afterward -- even if it's pizza at the B&G's house. However, a rehearsal is NOT usually required, most people can figure out how to line up and walk without practice, so there's no need for a rehearsal dinner if there isn't a rehearsal.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the info! I hadn't heard of bridal luncheons prior to joining Wedding Wire, but I like the idea of them (especially the "no gifts" part)! Who is usually invited?

View Quoted Comment Oh wow, congratulations on your upcoming wedding!! That's really cool that you were able to use the luncheon to thank them for their support, and I'm sure they will appreciate the spa day next year!

View Quoted Comment The same people that would be in attendance at a bridal shower. It's really the same thing without the gift giving/opening. So close friends and family who are invited to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment That sounds so fun! I hadn't heard of a bridal luncheon/brunch before I joined Wedding Wire, but I really like the idea (especially the "no gifts" part)! What theme are you doing?

View Quoted Comment Very cool! Sounds like some fun events!

We had a bridal shower that was hosted by my mom.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for all the info!! I'm definitely aware that people shouldn't throw gift giving events for themselves and related etiquette (specifically surrounding the bridal shower and bachelorette party). I just hadn't heard of engagement parties and bridal luncheons and related parties before, and have never been part of a wedding party who hosted these events, so I was hoping to hear from those who had some of these events and whether they're common or not. I do realize all pre-wedding events are totally optional, and I agree that I've seen the debates on these forums about wedding parties who didn't host them for the bride. I do not expect anyone to host events for me. I love the idea of a bridal luncheon though (especially the "no gifts" part)!


As a slightly off topic question, I saw that you wrote an edit to your post. How do you edit posts on here??

View Quoted Comment Good to know - thank you for the info!

View Quoted Comment Very cool!

View Quoted Comment

You can only edit a post from a computer -- not on the app. If you're on your computer when you write a post, after you submit it, there will be a small "edit" button in the lower left corner of your post for 60 minutes. During that time, you can go in and edit -- multiple times if you want -- and just submit it again, with the changes. After 60 minutes of the original posting though that option disappears.

In my post I didn't mean to imply that you didn't already know and/or agree with the etiquette conventions.... I've just often seen them become major points of contention so frequently on this forum! Best wishes!

FWIW, as MOB, I hosted daughter's shower; one of her BMs hosted a small bachelorette party for her; her dad and I hosted a combined rehearsal/welcome dinner for about 45 guests (lots of out-of-town family and a large wedding party); daughter hosted a "slumber party" for the BMs at our home after the RD (two days before the wedding) and the next morning we took them all for mani-pedis after breakfast -- that was all sort of her version of the "bridal luncheon." Four of her five BMs were out-of-state and had significant travel, so she wanted to plan something special so they could all be together. They mostly all grew up together, and had slumber parties here as kids, so it was a nostalgic thing for them to do.

It’s crazy how many pre-wedding celebrations people have invented recently! LOL But hey, i’m a girl that loves a party, so no complaints here😆
That being said, I specifically told my mother, aunts, and wedding party that under no circumstances would I want a bridal/wedding shower. I personally do not find them fun, and definitely did not want to subject others to them. Nor did I want to have people sitting around watching me opening gifts. (Awkward!) I also don’t like the typical bachelorette party, but my MOH suggested we do a trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter instead, and I am completely down with that! We are having a destination wedding, so we will be doing a quasi Bachelor/bachelorette parties once we arrive in New Orleans- The guys will be going on a swamp airboat tour, then to the casino. The girls will be going to a drag show. Then, both parties will meet up and go barhopping for the rest of the evening. We i’d plan on doing a welcome dinner for everyone, but then realized people are going to be arriving on different dates, and someone here on WW pointed out that if We had a welcome dinner for everyone at a nice restaurant the evening before the wedding, the wedding would just feel like a redo the following night. So instead, we will be hosting either a thank you brunch for everyone the morning after the wedding, or a farewell brunch for everyone on the last day of the trip.