Pre-Marital Counseling

Well my church requires it. we just started ours yesterday. hmm as for how much it is. in my church its free but u can find a marriage workshop that is under the 2 together law & u get a discount on the marriage license. Its basically dealing with all the things reguarding moneywise. checking to see how u would react when fighting or arguing just making sure u have a good foundation for marriage & to work out any issues before u say i do.

FH church requires it as well and I receommend it. It's basically going over your beliefs, what you expect out of each other, finances, kids...every aspect of a marriage we discuss before hand so that their are no surpises later down the road. We have a session tonigt. I always look forward to them. I think they are done a little differently depending on where you go. Oh, ours is free too.

FH & I are going through pre-marital counseling. Our pastor uses it as a conversation starter to cover a bunch of topics we might have questions about or might not think to talk to each other about. It is to strengthen the marriage relationship because dynamics of a relationship DO change after getting married.

We belong to a Catholic church and it requires us to complete a FOCCUS which is taking an assessment and then from their if needed do pre martial counseling. We also have to complete our pre Cana class... Different dioceses require different things I have learned.

I don't see why most of the focus in premarital counseling would be on the man? Did your pastor explain why? I'm pretty sure our pastor focuses pretty equally on both of us.

I think everyone should have premarital counseling!! Even if you think you've covered all the biggie topics, I feel like you don't know what you don't know about a person. Someone who marries people for a living has pretty much seen it all and can be a great guide into this unknown territory.

Our premarital counseling is free through our pastor. We met with him once, then we did the ENRICH questionnaire online. Now, he has to score the results, see where our answers matched or didn't match up, and that will help him guide our conversation over the next 3-5 sessions.

We're having FHs Dad marry us, because he's a minister, but we asked one of our other ministers to counsel us. I think it's a good idea because it may bring up topics that you hadn't thought of before. He also talked to us about him and his wife and ways they've dealt with problems over the years. He pretty much got us thinking about our own faults and how they affect the relationship. We only had a few sessions with him, but they were very helpful, and he's always said that we can call him anytime we need some extra advice or help.

We're also planning on doing some of our own "counselling." We plan on reading the book "The Five Love Languages." I have read, and now he's in the middle of reading, "Love Life For Every Married Couple." His parents gave us that one and it's a little old fashioned but it fits our beliefs, and even if you don't agree with every statement, the principles in it are excellent. I also want us to read "1001 questions to ask before you get married."

Our counseling would be free as well. He doesn't charge for it.

Kris S. - The Pastor is a joking sort. He's not your typical Pastor by no means at all. He said it more as a joke. Sorry I should have made that clear. The church is Baptist and they do focus on the man more because of the man's responsibilities in a marriage. He wants to make sure that we have a good foundation (emotionally, spiritually, and such). I can't remember everything he said word for word but something about the man assuming responsibility in leadership in the relationship. Something about leading by example and with the spiritual aspect of the marriage or whatever. I'm not necessarily a spiritual person but my FH is Christian and his family goes to a Baptist church. So I'm still trying it figure this stuff out. I wouldn't even be sure where to start talking to the Pastor about my spiritual beliefs. Haha.

We went through marriage counseling and I had to go through confirmation. I honstly didnt mind it.

@Rhea - interestingly, we just had a sermon about marriage and the roles of husband and wife at our church a few weeks ago. I know not everyone agrees with these principles, but our beliefs, and many other Christians, is that the wife is supposed to submit to the husband. He's the leader, and to a reasonable extent, what he says goes. This puts responsibility on the wife to choose a husband that she can respect and submit too, but it puts a greater responsibility on the man because he needs to act in a way that the wife can submit to! I liked the sermon a lot, because it wasn't just "wives do everything your husband says!" But more, "husbands, be responsible and act in a way that allows your wife to submit and respect you!" Anyways, I think it is good to have focus on both, but sometimes the man needs that extra guidance imo.

That's great Alina. I will admit I do not submit easily at all. However, if I am wrong I always say I am wrong. Sometimes it takes me a little while to realize I am wrong. But if I firmly believe that I am right. I stick by it. LOL It makes things interesting. My FH and I never argue.... ever. It's very different from any other relationship I have had. We are very compatible in so so many ways. There are so many coincidences between us. I love him so much. He was definitely made for me. It only took me 12 years to realize that. LOL

Hubby and I did this through our church. In order for the church to marry us it is required for us to take a test (Prepare Enrich) to see how we feel about one another and our own self. The area's we tested low in the priest helped us work on what ever the situation was. It helped us realize a lot of things about each other. We even found out a few things that we never knew about each other. So for us, It helped.

That makes more sense.

If you're going with that philosophy of marriage, it's a lot of responsibility on both parties I think. By that philosophy, the man is supposed to put his wife above himself and love her as Christ loves the church. Every decision he makes should be made with her welfare in mind, above his own. Likewise, the woman submits to her husband as the church submits to Christ, trusting that his decisions are in her best interest.

If your FH is Christian but you are not, will you feel comfortable being on the same page with what those commitments mean? I'm not saying that you aren't, but those vows get misinterpreted a lot I think. Will you want to follow your FH's spiritual example if you have a different belief system? Or are you planning to convert?

I'm just genuinely curious, I'm not trying to give you a hard time.

I have a hard time with it too, I can be very stubborn unfortunately. The biggest thing I need to work on is just letting something go even if I don't think it's the best decision!

These are very interesting stories. We are getting married in a Lutheran church and I would love to take pre-marital classes, however when I mentioned them to the pastor, she said they do not even offer such a thing! My fiance really wants to be married at that church, but they don't have classes. Is there anywhere that does classes outside of a specific church?

We have to go thru pre marital classes because our catholic church requieres it and ours is not free =( we have to pay $90.00 and to top it off we have to go for 8 hrs and its on a sunday not looking forward to it =)

Mrs. Goetz - I believe that they do have premarital classes without the church involved. There should be somewhere that holds them close to you. I do know that in the state of FL if you take the classes before your marriage you get a discount on the marriage license. Call 211 and ask them. I use 211 for almost everything.

Kris S. - I am not offended at all. I like that you asked because I am still trying to figure that out as well. I was raised Catholic. I believe in God, I just don't believe everything that is said to be. I do believe in a higher power. I am going to private message you. I don't want too much info on here. But my FH does know my beliefs. He's ok with them. However, he said he will always try to "save my soul" (for the lack of a better term). But he accepts me that way that I am now.

Wow. Mrs. Loera. That's more than I expected.

Hi Rhea! PM back to you!

@Mrs Goetz, our church is Lutheran. I've never known a Lutheran church to have marriage "classes" but our pastor is counseling us as a couple, at least 5 or so sessions. My dad is a Lutheran pastor, and he would always refer couples to a private therapist for counseling, b/c he felt like it wasn't exactly his strength as a minister.

Hey! Thanks for listening Kris!!

We did 6 weeks of counseling.. I HIGHLY recommend every couple does it!! There were some topics brought up that we never would have thought about discussing.. Never realzing they would be an issue!! There were some things we weren't agreeing on, and going through the counseling soo much!! Also, I know in Florida, if you get a letter from the church or counselor, we saved 30 dollars on the Marriage License and they waved the 3 day waiting period!!