Potluck reception dinner

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I think a potluck wedding is a great idea. However, this is a pretty common occurrence where I live. I guess I have never heard that the reception is the “thank you” for attending your wedding, I’ve always thought of it as a time to celebrate your marriage with your friends and family. I would hope that people want to attend your wedding and celebrate with you because they love you, not because they expect a free meal.
I love the sense of community a potluck wedding conveys, and if you’re really worried about not having enough of one thing or too much of another, talk to guests you are close with and ask them to bring something specific so you have certain bases covered, and let the rest of the guests bring what they want. Or provide a main dish and/or drinks (you should probably provide free drinks) yourself, and let guests fill in the rest.

We considered doing a potluck reception, but we ended up deciding to provide some food ourselves and have the rest catered because we are vegetarian and wanted all of the food to be vegetarian, and my parents gifted us the cost of the caterer. Personally, I LIKE being able to bring something that I know I like and can eat to a wedding (or any event!).

Obviously people are very opinionated about this topic, but it’s your wedding, and if you want to have a potluck wedding, you should do it. If any of your guests are so offended that it’s potluck, they probably won’t attend.

I attended a friends wedding that was potluck. If you are dead set on having this my advice would be to make sure you are very organized. My friend was not and so the food situation was a mess(the whole wedding was). No one knew who was bringing what so setup the day of was chaos. This was in part to not everyone knowing they were expected to bring something. I was going to their wedding after leaving work and had to stop at the grocery store on the way. They had a lot of family from out of state so it was not possible for those people to bring anything. When I asked how much food to bring I was told to just bring whatever amount I thought was good, but I didn’t know how many guests they were having. There were probably 35 guests and not enough of the main food (which was what I was asked to supply) for all of them. In the days after when people asked me how the wedding went I was honest and said not so good that it was disorganized and I had to bring dinner that I was unprepared for. I didn’t mind bringing the food so maybe your guests won’t either, just make sure that they don’t feel like they dropped the ball when it comes to what they bring.

View Quoted Comment This is amazing advice. Except for the pot roast, that’s just nasty.

How many people are you planning on having?

View Quoted Comment Haha! Love it. Especially BYOC (c for chair).!

It's not the guest's responsibility to pay for your wedding! Asking them to bring their own food is just plain rude.

There are lots of ways you can feed people cheaply. Heck, even the hot dog reception at Costco I read about is better than this. At least I know the food was prepared safely and is fresh, and there is enough for everyone.

View Quoted Comment I love the sense of community a potluck entails when my DH is yanking up my dress to my thigh and my sister is running out to the car for my epi pen while the bride is on the phone with 911 because Aunt Mildred forgot to label her food as containing nuts.

Really brings together all sides!

So my advice if you go through with this is to select only (3-4) family member to help out and cook. It's very informal to ask all your guests to bring food. They won't be as happy as they may seem. Plus if you only have a few people helping you will know exactly what food you will have.

How so?

Also, calling users rude is a violation of our CGs.

View Quoted Comment So her comment wasn’t wrong? Now I’ve had ppl call my ideas and questions all kinds of names but trying to have someone not feel belittled because she wants to have a potluck? Now I’m taken aback!

View Quoted Comment Users can critique ideas but not specific users.

View Quoted Comment Oh really?? Maybe just maybe she had no choice but to do potluck making fun or critizing her ideas hurt just as worse as calling someone stupid! But I’m done maybe I’m a lil stressed so I’m log off for tonight! You have a great night!

View Quoted Comment A wedding is a necessity so no one has "no choice" but to host a potluck wedding. She can elope. She can go with her parent and her FS's parents down to city hall and take everyone to dinner after. No one "has" to have a traditional reception.

*isn't a necessity

View Quoted Comment I know how difficult it is to have a food allergy, but a potluck wedding guarantees that there is at least one dish that you can eat. A catered meal may just as likely have any food item that you're allergic too, and unless the bride and groom have consulted the caterers before hand to avoid any allergens (which, unless they have somebody very close to them with a specific allergy, they probably haven't), it's possible there could be cross contamination and somebody with a food allergy wouldn't be able to eat anything!

We're all different people planning our own weddings with our own visions and opinions, and while you may not want to have a potluck wedding, or attend one, this bride does. She's not asking for judgement, she's asking for advice. And "don't do it" isn't very good advice.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah, one that you had to make yourself, assuming that's what you mean. That's hardly a benefit. And couples should be asking about dietary restrictions and contacting their caterer to make sure that people with dietary restrictions will have something to eat.

People here have given lots of specific advice about why potlucks are a bad idea (food safety, logistics, rudeness), and have given alternative suggestions for cheap catering (Italian, BBQ, cake and punch). "Don't do it" is perfectly good advice if someone is planning on doing something ill-advised.

View Quoted Comment Every RSVP card I've received has asked about allergies. If it didn't, I would reach out to the bride or groom.

Potlucks do not guarantee people with food allergies will have at least one dish. There's more risk for cross contamination with potlucks than catering because random people aren't always trained to prepare food whereas licensed caterers are. Not to mention others have no idea what type of oil something is cooked in, what spice is in something, etc.

“She’s asking for advice and ‘don’t do it’ isn’t very good advice”

If OP posted she wanted to know the cleanest, most discrete way to poison her FH, and everyone said “don’t do it”, would it be terrible advice? Allowbig people who have no experience in food handling to handle the food for your wedding can be extremely dangerous. For anyone who has allergies, medical issues, or is pregnant, some things can be life threatening. I don’t see why anyone would want to chance 911 needing to be called at their wedding.

View Quoted Comment The best part about a caterer is finding the CC or a server and going "Hey man is this nut free?"

Versus a potluck...do I go around asking every aunt, cousin, sibling, and friend if they made their dish nut free? What if they forget that they were snacking on almonds and some crumbs fell into the sauce?

Also my hospital bills would be covered under the caterer's liability insurance. With a pot luck wedding Id have to sue the couple or dear Aunt Martha to cover my expenses.

View Quoted Comment Except not really, because the following things could happen:
1. Your dish is gone by the time you get to it
2. People get impatient really quickly; it’s not uncommon at potlucks to see people using their fork or another serving ladle/spoon to get something. That = cross contamination.

I think “don’t do it” is great advice when the “it” is problematic and potentially harmful.