Postponing/Cancelling the wedding with less than 2 months to go

@Lisa, what the everloving fuck? You do realize that we're talking about human life here, right??

Lisa- Maybe thats a New York thing, but where I am from, that would make me an awful person. I actually care about FH and would never "trick" him into something he doesn't want. That would not be fair to him, children or me.

I hope that was just a really terrible joke.

Glad to see @lisas bad advice extends beyond one thread.

/s

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Definitely don't feel embarrassed or guilty. You made a very smart decision and I wish you the best!

My mom was horrified when a few years into their marriage, my dad suddenly said he wasn't sure about having kids (spoiler alert: i exist). the root of this was both my parents come from broken homes and he was scared about not being a good father.

i don't know you, your SO or your relationship, but FWIW, there could be deeper issues that are leading him to saying this. i don't encourage people staying in a mismatched relationship in hopes of "changing" the other person, but i do hope you both find clarity in this situation without the distraction of a wedding.

Nessanay- Wow. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Especially after being together that long, I can imagine this being so terribly difficult. Impossible, even. I can see how you may see that it is impossible to walk away because obviously the love is there. But, contrary to popular belief and the movies, love is not all it takes. I would be so scared that after postponing, in an effort to keep you because he loves you, he will say he has changed his mind. And not even that I think he will be lying. I would be scared that he would convince himself that kids are what he wants because having kids with you is better than not having you. But I personally wouldn't want to parent with someone who was only kinda on board. IMO, it's a recipe for disaster and only delaying a problem. I know this sounds incredibly harsh. But I hope it's something you think about moving forward as you two decide what's best for you.

For now, take a breath and start calling your vendors. (Sorry if I missed it) Is your BP/family going to help call off the shower?

OP, I haven’t read the PP; but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you n FH are going thru this. I’m also glad that you are strong enough to tap the breaks & take the time to figure out how you want to proceed.

As for the subject of want/not wanting kids…this is my story:

I ended 2 relationships over this. The last one was after we were together for 5 yrs (couldn’t commit to me or having kids). He ended up with someone with children…go figure.

Meanwhile, I was in my 30s & got my finances in a better place & by the time I met my FH, I was already TTC on my own. I was upfront about this & at some point, FH was even helping with the injections, etc. After that failed attempt, I ended up taking more tests & found out I am infertile : ( By then I was very much in love with FH & his son. Decisions I make were no longer my own; but I found I already had a family. I decided not to pursue further treatments or adoption. Life is strange…

I’m sure you n FH love each other very much & hoping that both of you can figure out how to proceed. Whatever happens, this is quote that has gotten me thru some trying times ‘We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”-Joseph Campbell

@Beutivant - Thank you. It is very difficult. We have (or so I thought) planned this life together and future and it kinda went up in smoke after the last few weeks. Honestly, I am in total agreement. We broke up a couple years ago for a period and one of the reasons I was hesitant about getting together again was because we were on different pages at that time for kids too. I do not think he lied or was intentionally saying it when he didn't mean it, but I am worried about pressuring him for an answer or a decision because he may just convince himself its what he wants to keep us. I am facing some trust issues with his current decision that he does want a family (just said this on Saturday after I told my parents and him that I think we need to cancel the wedding).

I appreciate that you said this, because it is a big part of this whole thing that I am dealing with right now too.

My family and bridal party are helping and being so supportive which is making it easier. I was stressed about it and making myself sick over the thought of disappointing everyone so I am glad that they understand!

Thank you!

Kudos to you both for owning your feelings and being honest with each other!

Sometimes, it seems, that the romantic notion of mis-matched young love requires that the couple turn on each other, blame the other for all sorts of nasty things. I've read through your posts, and you really seem to be respecting him, and he you, as the two of you work your way through this.

Wish I could give you a hug.

Been there. It sucks but I can tell you, now two years later and with a partner who is a much better fit for me, it's a blip in the road and when people say better now than after marriage they aren't lying. It was still a mess. We owned a house, boat, and owned pets together, but still one of the better decisions of my life. Hang in there. The next few months will suck but I promise it'll be worth it to work through this (or not) now. Dunno how old you are but I walked away at almost 30, so i wasn't sure I would have an opportunity for kids of my own as a result because of the time to meet the right partner. Needless to say, I need not have worried. Just turned 32 yesterday.

So sorry to hear this. It's better to post pone them divorce later.