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Onya
Expert October 2020

Plus One/so advice needed

Onya, on February 22, 2020 at 8:18 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 33
Hi all!
So I’m having a small wedding 50 people total. Im finishing up my invitation list before I send out my save the dates next month. I’m only invited those I️ want in attendance which doesn’t include anyone having plus ones. If I️ know their significant other then I️ have them on the list. If I️ don’t they aren’t included.

If you were a guest would you rather be invited and go without your bf/gf/fh/fw or would you rather not be invited at all?

33 Comments

Latest activity by Onya, on February 24, 2020 at 1:45 PM
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    If I’m close to you, I’ll come alone feeling kind of sad but wanting to celebrate with you. If I’m not close to you I’m probably not coming without my husband.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Right! I️ only have people I’m really close to on the list. I’ll do some more thinking because it is a destination wedding. Also, anyone who is married has their spouse is included!
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I wouldn’t come without my spouse because it’s rude for them not to be included since we are a package deal.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    If it’s a destination wedding people are less likely to travel alone, something else to think about
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I wouldn’t even consider traveling alone for a destination wedding.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I would rather not be invited at all than to be invited without my SO and I would never spend money to travel to a wedding an SO wasn’t invited to.
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  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    For something local, I’d probably go but would be irritated with you from that day forward for not valuing my relationship. For a destination, I absolutely would not go if you didn’t invite my fiancé.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    If it’s a destination wedding it’s even ruder not to allow a plus one because all the travel cost falls on one person. I’d cut the guest list to allow +1s.
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  • E
    Devoted October 2021
    Erin ·
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    Back when my SO and I were just dating if I was invited to a wedding without him and the bride/groom didn't know him I wouldnt be upset if he wasn't invited and wouldn't let that dictate whether I went or not. If I didn't know a lot of the other guests I'd probably leave sooner but I still would have been happy to go.
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    If you're really close to me, I'm assuming you have met and know my SO. I'd rather not get an invite and pretend that you didn't invite us because of budget and/or number restraints. Not inviting my SO, who you know, would be not be cool, imo. I definitely wouldn't attend if I was invited without them.

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  • Kathryn
    VIP August 2020
    Kathryn ·
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    I wouldn't travel without my SO. This came up with my cousin before we were engaged- my aunt informed me it was No Ring No Bring - so we didn't make the trip to my hometown even though I certainly know all of my family. My immediate family would have wanted to see him, and I didn't want to be at a romantic event without him. Some people are fine with it, but some people are going to be like me.
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  • Brianna
    Beginner November 2020
    Brianna ·
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    I think if you know someone has a SO, you have to also invite them. They are a package deal
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  • Cassandra7
    Super August 2006
    Cassandra7 ·
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    A plus-one is a date, the guest of a guest. Optional.

    Partners are invited by name; they are a social unit, just like a married couple. Required.

    You should not be trying to decide whose relationship matters and whose doesn't, especially not when you're asking people you care about to celebrate your relationship.

    Shorten your guest list by eliminating individuals or couples or families; do not split couples--it's deeply insulting and hurtful.

    I'd much rather not be invited at all than be invited without my partner, which would damage, if not end, my relationship with you.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I wouldn’t attend if my significant other wasn’t invited. I attended a wedding across the country a few years ago with my then boyfriend of a few months. My friends hadn’t met him yet but were so excited to meet him because they knew how important he was to me. A few years later my friends stood next to me as I married that guy.
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  • Nefetera
    VIP March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    I would want to come with someone especially my mom or my hubby.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Thanks for your comment and perspective! I️ would so I️ need to hear others opinions. ❤️
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Thanks for your comment and perspective! Thinking of not inviting them to avoid all of that.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Thanks for your comment and perspective! For this reason I️ think I️ wont invite them. And it’s not that I️ dont Value the relationship. It’s the family I️ want to invite but also wanting the close friends there.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Thanks for your comment and perspective! The more comments I️ read The more I’m thinking of not inviting them. I️ dont Want anyone to feel that financial blow on their own. Plus that’s less family I️ get To invite. Guest list is already just full of family and friends.
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  • Onya
    Expert October 2020
    Onya ·
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    Thanks for your comment and perspective! This is my personal opinion as well. But I️ see Others would rather not go alone.
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