Plus ones?

Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. If these plus ones are not serious relationships do not include them. If your cousins are coming with their families then it is a family event. Perhaps the invitation should read to the Miller Family and not to any one specific person in the family that way no one needs to feel the stress of coming without a partner. It's simply and exclusively a family event. Besides, you don't want a bunch of strangers showing up in your family photos...

A boyfriend/girlfriend is a social unit that is automatically invited. It doesn't matter if you know them or not. The length of time they have been together is moot. It's not fair to invite someone to celebrate your relationship when you disregard theirs.


A plus one is for a single non-attached person. They are completely optional. More often than not they are not a thing that's seen at many weddings.
A few things to consider: 1) can you afford extra strangers in attendance? Not talking about the significant others. 2) does your venue allow that many extra with Covid restrictions? 3)since you said your family is huge, is there a reason why truly single guests would feel out of place among relatives they already know?
It's perfectly ok to skip the plus ones for single guests, and people do it everyday with no issues. What is a violation of etiquette is inviting only one half of a couple, regardless if they are dating/engaged/married.

I think you need to think about this; how many of the +1s do you know of (not necessarily that you've met them, but that you know things are serious)? can you afford to pay for extra people? do you have venue restrictions re numbers?

I come from a culture where wishing wells are the norm and a lot of the people who have +1s will essentially 'pay their way' so for us, it's not a burden having them bring +1s. In saying this, we are only giving +1s to those in serious relationships (regardless of whether engaged). Perhaps after thinking about the other circumstances you might be better posed to decide this.

Personally though, I disagree with Michele just because by inviting 'the Miller Family' you leave things open to interpretation. If someone is not getting a plus one, address the invitation to them and only them otherwise they won't know if their +1 is invited or not.

Also per etiquette, anyone 18+ gets their own invite if single and addressed as a couple if they are in a relationship. 'The Miller Family' is addressed to a couple with children under 18 who are invited. Children of relatives who are 18+ get their own invites or addressed as a couple themselves, depending on the relationship.

I think that if they have serious relationships then you definitely should give them a plus one.

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I agree with all of this. Plus ones are for single guests, not those in a relationship.

Yes you invite the girlfriends/boyfriends regardless if you know them or not. Even if the whole family is coming they should still get a plus one at least for the ones who have a boyfriend/girlfriend. What I like to tell people is think about it as if the rolls were reversed, would you be upset or mad if you weren't allowed to bring your boyfriend whom you are serious with?

View Quoted Comment I absolutely 100% agree with this. You put it perfectly.

I’m a little bit worried because I have limitations when it comes to how many people I can fit in my venue and I need to be able to fit my fh’s guests as well. But thank you all, those are definitely some things to think about!

Whatever your capacity limit is for the venue with Covid restrictions, subtract you and your fiance and the number of vendors in attendance. That tells you how many guests you can invite. Sit down with fiance and decide who is top 40 (for a 50 person limit) guests from both sides combined, including significant others, you can't imagine the day without. Announcements are sent to the rest. Everyone can be invited to a renewal celebration at a later date when it's much safer.

I think a lot of the time we worry about etiquette and while that is important you don’t want to go broke trying to please. More guests add up very quickly so if you can afford it financially, then sure go for it! However if you think you’ll be stretching the budget do what’s best for you!

It is rude to invite someone without their significant other, even if they are not living together/engaged/married. If they are dating at the time you send out the invitation, they need to be invited. If you can't afford to follow this rule, downsize your guest list or save money elsewhere until you can. This is not a rule that is acceptable to break in order to save money.

Also, I tend to think it is polite to give all single people a plus one, but I don't think this is a necessary etiquette rule, just a courtesy.

I personally wouldn't attend a wedding if my significant other wasn't invited. I would consider an SO anyone you are in a committed relationship with, regardless of time or engaged/married/etc.

If you didn’t wanna invite them, you could always explain that there’s not enough in your budget to invite partners that aren’t engaged or living together. We are also debating not inviting the random partners of our guests too.

My fiancé and I were together for 5 years before getting engaged. If I were invited to a wedding but couldn’t bring him, I wouldn’t go.

Boyfriend and girlfriends come and go so if they are in a real relationship don’t include them, I only told my bridal party that they can bring + ones so maybe that’s an idea?