Plus Ones- who is invited and who is not

Plus ones are solely for people that are single. Anyone in a relationship should be invited with their significant other as they are a socal unit. It would be rude of you to invite them to celebrate your relationship while ignoring theirs.

What you described are not Plus Ones. Those all sound like couples in a committed relationship and their partner should be invited by name. Plus Ones are only for single guests (i.e. John Smith + Guest).

Plus ones are random strangers you will never see again that couples allow their single guests under the mindset that they won't know a single soul or be able to have fun without a friend in tow. They are always optional and most couples do not allow them for a number of reasons (space, wanting to keep things only to those the couple knows, budget). A significant other regardless if they have been married 40 years just started dating 3 months ago is a social unit and invited automatically. It is rude to ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs.


If you limit couple invites to engaged/married only, be prepared for many declines.

View Quoted Comment Hi Michelle, thank you! This helped! You’re, right that would be rude to exclude.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for clarifying!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Veronica! You’re right, it’s hypocritical! Thanks for your help

Definitely need to invite them... or it’ll be awkward. Anywhere you can cut costs?

View Quoted Comment The most expensive things have been my photographer and videographer. But it’s all collectively expensive, especially paying for it on my own

View Quoted Comment If you need to cut people, start with parents' coworkers, church members and similar people with no relationship to you that are only invited to please others, not because you want them to attend.

View Quoted Comment Great idea. What about family members that live out of state, whom I’ve never met?

View Quoted Comment If you've never met them, they are fine to cut because there's no relationship. Regardless of where they live. Not everyone is close to every relative they have.


Meet up with them at another time such a summer bbq.

View Quoted Comment Fantastic! This will definitely help with the guest list. And the BBQ is a great idea

I'm gonna go against the grain and say I don't think tou should be required to invite teenagers' significant others.

View Quoted Comment Not sure what to tell ya. We paid for our entire wedding and honeymoon ourselves too! Best wishes.

The dilemma of the plus ones! Looks like the majority of people gave you great advice. Sounds like the groups you described are in committed relationships & the couples are both invited.

I agree with minimalist bride’s comment, if you are under 21 AND family, your current dating status doesnt count especially if you have been dating less than 1 year, and AFTER invites have gone out, if its 2 weeks before the wedding and they were single when invited, single they will come or not come, other person doesnt count, they were not accounted for in seating/food, too late now. Thats the first place i would cut.

So my first thoughts are why you’re limiting guest size. If it’s due to covid restrictions and your only inviting close family, then I think it’s okay not to include your young siblings significant others and your description of only married, engaged or moved in together works as a guide. However, if it’s not due to covid restrictions, like if your planning a fall **** plus date then here are the two options: if they’re in your bridal party, the typical expectation is that they’re entitled to a plus one and it’s a bit rude/difficult not to allow it since they’re helping and involved in the wedding. If it’s only including your siblings and their partners and it’s only 3-5 extra people then i think it’s worth the additional 150-500 dollars to include then and avoid the family drama.

I think its pretty common to have a "cutoff" for relationships. I know many use married, engaged, or cohabitating to help define "established" relationships but I think that unfairly leaves out some serious couples.

Save the Dates usually go out about 6 months prior to the wedding, so I think it's safe to use that as a timeline. If the invited guest in question has an established boyfriend/girlfriend at the time that the Save the Dates go out and they are still together at the time the invites go out (usually 2 months before) then I would probably include the SO at that point. But if a couple just started dating a few months before your wedding I don't feel like you are obligated to include the extra person.

I personally am not a fan of random +1s at all (such as "Joe Smith + Guest"). IMO its unfair to expect a couple getting married to pay for an unnamed random person at their wedding. Weddings are not an opportunity for a single person to bring someone on a nice date on someone else's tab, plus couples should be surrounded by people they know and love on their wedding day, not a bunch of strangers they have never met before.

Of course I also think it's important to factor in some other considerations when debating whether or not to add a plus one or new boyfriend/girlfriend. If you having a large wedding and have just one or two guests who doesn't know anyone else at your wedding and need to travel several hours to be there, having a friend with them can make attending your wedding more enjoyable (and safer) for them and might be worth the couple extra mouths to feed. If you are having a smaller, more intimate wedding, you may not want to include people you don't know well, and you'll likely be able to interact with your guests more, so guests having "a friend" becomes less necessary when they're really involved in the celebration itself. I've gone to plenty of weddings solo where I didn't know anyone else and was always able to make friends and have a good time, so its certainly possible to go to a wedding alone. IMO plus ones should never be a requirement or expectation.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. My cousins who are 18-20 have partners and I didn’t even consider inviting them. Knowing that we’re probably going to have a restricted guest list, we had to decide who were must haves at our wedding. My 19 year old cousins boyfriend who she’s been dating for 2 months just is not a priority. I know there’s etiquette, but it’s also you’re wedding. With Covid, we had to actually not give plus ones to a lot of our guests. To me, having the people that mean the most to me trump giving an invite to my coworkers boyfriend who I’ve met 1 time.

View Quoted Comment Right, girl!!!!!!!!. You must Do you!