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Beginner May 2021

Plus Ones at a covid Wedding

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Isabel, on March 5, 2021 at 10:17 AM

The other day my FH and I decided we had to make strict decisions about plus ones to comply with state guidelines/guest limit at venues and out of fairness to all guests. We decided that guests who are in long term relationships, engaged, or married would receive a plus one. That being said, I am not extending the option of a plus one to any of my three siblings as they are not in long term relationships. My parents are not on board with this decision, but I explained that if COVID wasn't a factor I would give them each one.

Are we being unfair? The way I see it is I can't give my siblings a plus one for friends we don't know and then not invite my best friend's long term boyfriend whom we spend a significant amount of time with so that we don't go over the guest limit at our venue.

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25 Comments

Savvy August 2020
Lee · on March 6, 2021 at 9:29 PM
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I respectfully disagree. I had my minimony last summer under extreme capacity limits due to COVID and was only able to invite one half of certain couples. 95% of our family members understood this was not us "disrespecting" their relationship but the outcome of government mandated capacity limits and happily attended and sent photos to their other half. If we were not as limited, then of course the other half of the couple would have been invited. But I guess it depends on who you invited, maybe others' family and friends may not be as understanding.
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Expert June 2021
· on March 9, 2021 at 12:52 AM
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I say do what you want to do. We are not in normal times and for that can not uphold all traditional wedding etiquette such as plus ones when guest count is what is most restricted these days. I honestly feel more free and less anxiety stricken when I don’t confine myself to the wedding “rules”. Covid has given enough stress and taken enough joy, do what will make you happy for your wedding. I recently had to start reminding myself that we are paying for this whole thing so we should get all say in everything.
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Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 9, 2021 at 1:29 PM
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If you're inviting your extended family you don't have to give your siblings a plus one.
A plus one is required for those who are married/engaged, if they live with their SO, or in a long-term relationship (most couples set thminimum limit to 6 months), and single guests who don't know anyone besides you and/or your partner, with or without COVID 19.
"My parents are not on board with this decision": are they paying, or at least contributing financially? If they are: they get a say on the guest list (including the +1 ), if they are not: you and your partner make the call.
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Expert September 2021
· on March 9, 2021 at 2:42 PM
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I've seen this response so much and just have to ask -
If this 'grandmother vs brother's girlfriend' were true for you, who wouldn't make the cut for your wedding?
I disagree that the pandemic in fact, does trump that etiquette. If your choice was to invite everyone's dating partner, no matter the time dating or how well you knew them- if at all, I truly hope you wouldn't cut someone you really cared for and loved to accommodate someone's girlfriend or boyfriend. It's not "disrespecting" your relationship - it's having guidelines you are having to plan through. Your wedding is not a date night for guests. It's a day to celebrate you and your FH's vow to marriage.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 9, 2021 at 11:34 PM
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In these times of Covid, til all vaccinated, you want to invite from as few households as possible. These established couples have been together long term, for determining contagion, likelihood of someone introducing covid. Your brothers may be from 1 household or 3, Idk, but plus ones are from 3 other households , introduces more households. The point of all the Covid rules is to cut not only overall numbers, but minimize casual contagion. Tell Momma if she loves her sons, you are doing the right thing.
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