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Isabel
Beginner May 2021

Plus Ones at a covid Wedding

Isabel, on March 5, 2021 at 10:17 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 25
The other day my FH and I decided we had to make strict decisions about plus ones to comply with state guidelines/guest limit at venues and out of fairness to all guests. We decided that guests who are in long term relationships, engaged, or married would receive a plus one. That being said, I am not extending the option of a plus one to any of my three siblings as they are not in long term relationships. My parents are not on board with this decision, but I explained that if COVID wasn't a factor I would give them each one.


Are we being unfair? The way I see it is I can't give my siblings a plus one for friends we don't know and then not invite my best friend's long term boyfriend whom we spend a significant amount of time with so that we don't go over the guest limit at our venue.

25 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on March 9, 2021 at 11:34 PM
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Are your siblings in relationships, even if they aren’t long term? If they’re dating, they should get a plus one. If they’re single they should not have one they don’t need to bring a random person.
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  • Isabel
    Beginner May 2021
    Isabel ·
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    They're not in any sort of relationship with anyone! If they were, I definitely would give them one!
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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I don't think you're being unfair. With COVID restrictions, so many people are having to make tough decisions about their guest lists, and unfortunately, not everyone can be invited. If your siblings were in relationships, I think a plus one should be given in that case, but if they're not in relationships, then I don't think you're obligated to give a plus one.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Plus ones are only for singles and are completely optional. Partners of people in a relationship regardless of how long they been together or if they are engaged or married always get invited. And if they don't it's seen as disrespectful to the couple cause you want them celebrating your relationship all while you disregard and disrespect theirs.
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  • Isabel
    Beginner May 2021
    Isabel ·
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    This was our thought exactly. To clarify none of my siblings are in any type of relationship. If they were it would be a different story and they would get a plus one!
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    If they aren't in a relationship then your good. You should tell your parents that plus ones to people who don't have a significant other is optional and not rude. Especially during a pandemic.
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  • T
    Super April 2021
    Tiger Bride ·
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    Because of this answer right here, I'd say you're good. Couples have to be invited as a social unit, but no one is owed a random person.
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  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Since your siblings aren’t in relationships I think you’re fine. Maybe you need to explain the plus one concept to your parents. And with COVID I think it makes even more sense as your try to keep your numbers down.
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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    You’re totally fine!
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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Since your siblings aren't in relationships, I think you're absolutely fine. I'd do the exact same thing if I were in your position Smiley smile

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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    No, you are absolutely right for doing what you’re doing. This is your wedding. I’m also going to take a wild guess that your siblings are not paying for your wedding. People have no idea about the challenges and struggles that couples are facing right now trying to have their weddings. If your siblings and your parents can’t put themselves aside for one day and except the fact that you’d rather have people that you know and care about their versus their short term flings/dates of the week, then that’s on them.
    But I would suggest sticking to your plan on this one and don’t give them plus 1s if it will put you over your limit
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Accept* there* ughhh I hate this phone
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  • Kelly
    Dedicated February 2022
    Kelly ·
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    We are doing something similar, if they aren't married or we haven't met the SO at least once then that person isn't getting a plus one. Partly because of COVID but also partly because we can't afford that and a lot of my friends are single so I don't want them bringing some random Tinder date to my wedding lol but what is important is you do you! ESPECIALLY if you guys are the ones paying for it. One of my friends joked about finding a date off Tinder and when I told them there were no plus ones they asked why and I straight up said, are you going to pay for them? Just be firm about it and it will all work out!

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  • M
    Expert April 2021
    Melody ·
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    As long as those in a relationship, regardless of how long they've been in a relationship, are invited as a social unit, you're definitely not obligated to extend plus ones to the single guests. That's mostly how we're handling it, with only a few exceptions. Those exceptions for us are one friend on my side who would only know me, one on FH's side who would only know him, and one groomsman whose relationship with his long-term girlfriend recently ended because the rest of the wedding party has dates. Singles we've invited who will know other guests were not given a plus one. If those added plus ones will put you over your limit, then absolutely stick to your guns and don't allow them. People will always have their own opinions about your day, but it is YOUR day. Make sure it stays that way.

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Plus ones are never a requirement regardless of Covid. But what many do not realize is they are for single guests only. They are not significant others regardless of the time together who are automatic invites.

    Contrary to popular belief, single guests do enjoy themselves without dates and they do know other guests in attendance.

    Plus with Covid, people are telling their best friends they aren't even invited so a random plus one is an insult.

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  • L
    Savvy August 2020
    Lee ·
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    Honestly, it depends on how restricted you are with guest count. Speaking from experience, this is no fun. For example, if you are limited to 25 people due to COVID restrictions and the choice is either your grandma or your brother's girlfriend, I think you should feel comfortable telling your brother that his girlfriend unfortunately did not make the cut. The "traditional" wedding rules do not apply right now, its like trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole. Hopefully, everyone understands!

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    The girlfriend should not be told she has to stay home because it's offensive to ask someone to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting theirs. Unless he just met her the day before the invites were sent, the girlfriend is an automatic invite as a significant other social unit. Cut out parents' coworkers instead for example who don't need to be there.

    Etiquette is still in place to avoid rude/awkward social situations. A pandemic does not trump that because it should make etiquette even more pertinent/vital.

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  • E
    Expert September 2022
    EGD ·
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    I don't think you're in the wrong!

    My brother is 4 years older than me and as of right now is not getting a plus one because he's not in a relationship. We have over a year until we have to send out invitations, so if something changes he'll get one.

    If he isn't in a relationship, I will be inviting his best friend (who is like a brother to me and is actually distantly related to us by marriage which we didn't know for a majority of their friendship lol) but my only reasoning for that is my brother is not as close to the rest of my family as I am (to no fault of his own) and I don't want him to have no one to talk to/hang out with at the wedding, and I am selfishly getting married on his birthday weekend, so he's already a little peeved about that lol

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  • L
    Savvy August 2020
    Lee ·
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    I think you missed the point of my post, obviously if parents' coworkers are still included then siblings' significant others should be included as well. My point was that in circumstances where you are limited to the most basic of people due to government restrictions, like in a circumstance where you are limited to only 25 people, then you are likely limited to only immediate family members and a handful of grandparents and aunts/uncles who have been around your entire life. In theory, the parents' coworkers and many personal friends and family were already cut. A siblings' boyfriend or girlfriend of a year or two would hopefully understand your desire to have a grandparent over themselves attend. Unfortunately, in these situations even the closest of family members may not even be invited due to capacity limits at this time.

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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    There are many posts where one half of a couple, even in Covid, is invited and they decline because they feel disrespected as a couple. You don't have a B list to fill spaces either. You can do anything you wish but be prepared for many potential declines if you do not allow significant others to attend.

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