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Plus Ones and Showers

LittleLisa74, on March 6, 2022 at 2:33 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 8

I was invited to a small, intimate wedding later this month. As background: the bride and I have been friends since high school, but as close as we once were. This is her second marriage; it's also her groom's second marriage. We're in our late-40's.

The verbal invite included a "maybe you can have a plus-one dependent on space." (The bride's parents were planning to have a quick ceremony and reception in their backyard on a Friday evening; the house/yard is huge, but still a house.)

The invite arrived in the mail with a plus-one included. I invited my love interest (new relationship with an old friend) and sent a note to the bride with our dinner preferences, as requested. She responded: Sorry, I was joking about the plus-one. (The text came shortly after a series of texts came from a mutual friend asked a series of questions about my plus-one and lecturing me about the propriety of bringing a "new, unknown person to an intimate wedding.") This rubbed me the wrong way, because he's not new to me even if the romantic aspect of our relationship is. Besides, I was offered a plus-one on the invite. I wanted to be agreeable (and not cause the bride stress), so I decided to just roll with it. No worries, right?

A few days later, I receive a message that the day of the wedding has changed along with the venue. Now, the wedding will be held on a Sunday night in a ritzy resort. (Her dad had a work-event planned that was cancelled.)

Having to add an additional night to my travel plans/time-off from work, I am now staying with my date Sunday night; he offered to let me stay the night of the wedding (save on expenses) and offered to drop me off/pick me up from the wedding so I can have a cocktail, if I want. (I'm a lightweight.)

1st Question: Would it be rude to ask the bride if I can bring my date now that the day/venue has changed?

2nd Question: The wedding shower was this weekend. I was not invited. Is this the new "normal"? It feels like a bit of a slight...


Latest activity by Brittany, on March 7, 2022 at 12:41 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah Online ·
    • Flag
    Question 1: I would ask and I’d decline the invite if my SO wasn’t invited.

    Question 2: this depends on your social circle, but in mine showers are usually very small and just include the bride’s closest family and friends.
    • Reply
  • Heather
    Savvy May 2023
    Heather ·
    • Flag
    1) I honestly wouldn’t ask, but that’s me.
    2) Most bridal showers I’ve been invited to include the bridal party, immediate family, and close friends. I don’t think it’s a slight.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super September 2022
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with everything Sarah said here
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    I don't think the shower thing is meant as a slight at all. Many people don't invite the whole guest list to the shower.

    If you're in a relationship with this person, then they should be invited to the wedding. I'd probably decline the invitation if my partner weren't invited.

    • Reply
  • Candace
    Super March 2022
    Candace ·
    • Flag
    She formally invited you and a guest and you RSVPd as appropriate. Then she uninvited your guest. So I think all bets are off regarding manners. You should definitely ask about change of plans allowing for your date now that you have to make overnight plans. What's the harm? She's already shown she doesn't care about your feelings.
    • Reply
  • Monique
    Rockstar October 2022
    Monique ·
    • Flag
    Well since you have sent your response back and already included your date take him she could be overwhelmed with things right now and since it's in a new venue I say yes. And dont feel bad for not attending the shower she was the rude 1
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar August 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    I would decline the disorganized mess and bad manners. However, I don't think the shower is a slight.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Dedicated October 2022
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry, who would "joke" about a plus one by including it on your invitation? So bizarre. Since your S.O. has offered to drop you off and pick you up (he seems like a real sweetheart, by the way!) I would just move ahead with that plan. Maybe that's just my non-confrontational nature, but I would avoid any additional drama there.

    It's already mentioned above, but I don't think any harm was meant by not inviting you to the shower. A lot of bridal showers only include closest friends/family.

    • Reply

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