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Dedicated September 2022

Plus one shadiness

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Lauren, on July 16, 2022 at 8:13 AM

I have 30 first cousins. So, for my wedding, I decided that only engaged/married cousins would get a plus one. It just was the line we had to draw to make the numbers work.

Well, my aunt, who can be kind of flighty, was given a plus one because I thought she was in a relationship still. She’s is not but she used her plus one to invite one my cousins girlfriends.
Ultimately, I gave her a plus one and not addressed to the specific person, because my mom wasn’t sure if she was still with this guy or it was a new guy but she lives a 9 hour drive away from the wedding so either way I wanted her to have the ability to not make that drive alone if she wanted.
My cousins girlfriend is not going to be driving with her because she and my cousin live in state.
I think I’m pretty stuck and can’t tell my aunt that’s not okay although I think it was a really awful sneaky thing to do and had this cousin simply asked me I would have told him that as soon as I get all my rsvps back if I had enough no’s he could bring her.
But, like I’m so sad. I’m not one to make myself the center of attention but my cousin hasn’t even reached out and said “congrats so excited to celebrate” and I haven’t even gotten his RSVP! Yet, his girlfriend I’ve never met is coming?
I feel like I’m going crazy. And now my other cousins who don’t have plus ones who have already asked and I said the statement above are gonna be upset.
Im just so heartbroken that no one cares about celebrating a special day for me. They all just want to have a free party. Im truly about to cancel and go to city hall to get married. Deposits be damned.

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27 Comments

Just Said Yes June 2024
Alysia · on July 18, 2022 at 10:25 PM
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Let them explain themselves to those who didn't get the plus ones and you just worry about your own details. It's your day, don't sweat these little things. ♥️
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on July 20, 2022 at 8:06 AM
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I agree. No harmful intent.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on July 20, 2022 at 1:08 PM
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This is the etiquette board, and we are not chastising you, just telling you proper wedding manners. If you think about it, whomever in your family decided unmarried partners are not valid guests created a harmful trend where marriage was the only legitimate gateway into your family reunion/ weddings. You chose to invite Aunt and nephew, and you don't like them. Create your own traditions. Let the rest go for at least your FS sake. This may be the first time he's finally meeting the family!
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on July 20, 2022 at 2:38 PM
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While it might be customary to not invite cousins’ significant others in your family, this situation seems to show that family members are upset by this, know that it doesn’t follow proper etiquette, and are trying to problem solve it themselves. It had to have taken a bit of behind-the-scenes communication for them to figure out that aunt has a plus one that she doesn’t need and nephew is looking for a way to have his girlfriend attend.
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Dedicated February 2023
Vicki · on July 20, 2022 at 4:05 PM
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I agree, it is sneaky. Tough situation when you have such a big family. But I feel for you… they definitely knew exactly what they were doing.
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Expert October 2023
Bailey · on July 20, 2022 at 4:26 PM
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Personally, I wouldn't go to a wedding I couldn't bring my boyfriend even if it was family (fiancee, now, obviously but besides the point LOL). That being said, I have some first cousins I didn't invite because I simply NEVER see them. Once a year ain't enough! I also have friends that never said congratulations to me. Didn't invite them either
BUT, I'm sure you knew that your request was going to cause some heads to turn, right? You had to make that hard choice, so you also need to be able to make the hard choice to tell your cousins that they have to abide by your rules, regardless of how they will feel about it! If they get mad, they get mad. At the end of the day, it's YOUR money and you are allowed to spend it how you want!
On your Aunt, did she know that you had a no plus one rule? If she knew that, I would confront her and tell her that what she did was not a way to get around your rule, and that it was disrespectful. You allowed her a nameless plus one out of respect, and she didn't return that favor.
ALSO, please please heed brides warnings that even though they said no plus ones, plenty of people show up with them anyway. Make sure you have room in your budget for that, and room in your heart not to let it ruin your big day!
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Beginner September 2022
Franchesca · on July 23, 2022 at 8:48 PM
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First let me say this! It’s YOU AND YOUR FUTURE HUBBY’S DAY!!!! And CONGRATS! I was in the same boat a few weeks ago with the pressure and frustration. At the end of the day you need to do what is best for you. I get it girl I am over here watching the number of guest like a hawk! $$$ lol Family is family and if your is like mine lol there will always be some “chisme” lol or someone bothered” over something silly. If it were me I would speak to your aunt and explain why the plus one was there to be fine with, but due the circumstances you need her to please not bring a guest anymore. Explain like you did with your other cousins that once all your RSVPS are in depending on the number she can have the plus 1 back. She needs to understand. And if she doesn’t it’s ok too! If she wants to be petty over it let her. The people that matter will show up and they will share your special day. Chin up! Be firm and express yourself! At the end of the day this is YOUR WEDDING, YOU WILL LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND THE DAY WILL BE AMAZING!!
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