Plus One Questions

It's rude to judge someone's relationship by its length.

Your wedding is over a year away - budget 2 for everyone now so that if someone enters into a relationship between now and then you won't have to add people.

Did you check the recent thread about plus ones? ETA: only send STDs to out of town VIPs. Everyone does not get a STD.

On your RSVP card add a line:

"We have reserved ____ seats in your honor" so that you can fill in 1, 2, 3, etc.

Anyone who is in a relationship should come as a social unit, like "Jane Doe & John Adam". Anyone who is truly single and not dating anyone should get a plus one.

What you could do is invite a family as a unit, like the parents and the kids and that's it. But it's respectful to extend an invite to anyone who is in a relationship with their significant other's name on the invite.

Agree with Boudreau, it's not up to you to determine value or importance on someone's relationship by how long they've been together. If they are dating for 1 day they are a social unit and are invited together (and the S/O is invited by name, not as a "guest").

People will add plus ones even though you've made it crystal clear. Just be sure to be direct with them that you can't accommodate their request or let it go. We just let it go on one because it wasn't worth the hassle.

My rsvps have a blank so people could write in as many as they like. Either just themselves, a SO or even their kids if they'd like. I don't mind anyone coming that wants to spend our day with us.

" I understand that the whole point of weddings is to meet people"... You do realize that the whole point of weddings is for couples to celebrate their love for one another right?

Anyway.... It's not up to you to judge someone else's relationship. If someone says they are in a relationship with someone then that person should be invited by name on the invite. I think your best bet is to send STDs to only your VIPs and out of town guests. Here is a good breakdown on how to offer plus ones:

Single Guests that travel overnight: Yes

Single Guests that know other people (no travel): No

Guest who just made their relationship FB official 3 weeks before your invites go out? (Do people still do this?): Yes

Guest who didn't get a plus one calls you after invites go out to see if they can bring Bob the Bartender they met on Tinder last week: No. Sorry Bob.

I'll make sure to be clear and ask point blank. It's just hard to justify a friends tinder fling when you have a second cousin or something for example that could have taken that spot. Not everyone can afford to have everyone they love and their loved ones at their celebration. Wittling out all people that arent top priority is really really hard. Thank you for all the advice!

Katie thats exactly the response I was looking for! Thank you so much!

Bouncing off your example...

If your friend is in a "tinder fling" - which I know people who met their SO on tinder and it is long term so not sure what that means - having a spot for their bf/gf is more important than a 2nd cousin being there.

If you are closer to the friend than the 2nd cousin, you invite the friend with their date.

If you are closer to the cousin, invite the cousin with a date.

You can't just cherry pick "this person here" and "that person there" to make up the "ideal" guest list. It frankly comes off as gift grabby and shows you don't care about their enjoyment throughout the night.

People have dates. It is a part of life. You choose who is more important to be there and acknowledge they have a relationship, no matter how short.

I guess I wasn't clear, By tinder fling I mean I have a handful of friends that go out for the night with one guy and the next night another guy. That is different than long term relationships on tinder. Our best man met his wife on tinder. That's not the point I'm getting at.

A wedding guest list isn't cherry picking? Why have a guest list at all? And I don't get the gift grabby part. Are you assuming people are picked as guest for a wedding because of their gift giving abilities? What's that have to do with if they are invited to bring a guest?

It's dating around. They have no specific person in mind.

And to reiterate. Picking your wedding guests should be about who you want to be there, and enjoy in your love and merriment. I know there are alot of "should do this" in weddings. But personally, I'd rather pay for the people that would love to enjoy our special moment than my friends tinder hookup. It has nothing to do with gifts or cherry picking. Its all about at the end of the day who do you want to be there to celebrate with you.

@Tackolover if someone says they don't want to invite someone's SO and would rather invite a 2nd cousin, that to me is cherry picking. You are picking out only people you know without including their SO. I can't just ignore that my friends are in relationships because I want distant relatives to attend.

And yes, it comes off as gift grabby. A friend plus date would bring 1 gift. A friend without a date plus a 2nd cousin without a date = potential 2 gifts.

Like I said in my comment, I took tinder fling to mean someone they met on tinder. Obviously if they are just going to find a date on tinder the day of the wedding, that is a different story.

ETA: forgot plus signs don't show up.

I'm not saying people can't bring dates. I'm justifying a true date over someone they met the night before. I think this post has gotten a little out of hand to the point where people aren't answering questions they are just attacking bits and pieces they feel unjust.

to clarify:

Friend in relationship a day: plus one is great

Friend asking for a date to bring tinder fling from the bar the night before: No.

Does that make sense? Is that unreasonable or something?

We invited everyone's significant others. Some chose not to bring them, but we invited them anyways. We did not give plus ones to single guests. It's a nice thing to do, but not necessary.

ETA: no it's not unreasonable to not extend a plus one to a guest who went on one tinder date.

@Samantha that sounds fine, but if anyone is in your bridal party or a VIP, they should get a date regardless.

I'm having a similar issue with my 'young adult' aged cousins. What we decided on is that if they are in a relationship, regardless of length of time, they will be invited with their significant other. However, if they are truly single, they will not be invited with a 'guest.'

@ Almost Richardson<3 It's really hard when thats the culture of that age crowd. you never know whats going on haha. Do you have a time cut off for when they need to be either 1 guest or with plus one? Ex: by invitations RSVPs or like whatever your venue allows?