Jocelyn
Beginner December 2019

Plus one etiquette?

Jocelyn, on September 9, 2019 at 12:34 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 35
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So we're trying to limit our wedding to at least 115-120 people. Most of my relatives don't get plus ones since they come together. However, all our military guests are married but if we allow every person to bring their spouse, we'd end up with over 200 guests and we assumed it would be okay since all our military guests know and work with each other so they'll know most people there. I'm just not sure if it's bad etiquette to not give them the option to bring their spouses.

35 Comments

  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·

    Yes, it is considered rude to not invite spouses and significant others of your guests. A "plus one" is for truly single people, not people in a relationship. People in relationships should have their partner invited by name; they are considered a social unit so when you are making your guest list you need to include them, even for your relatives.

  • L
    Dedicated October 2020
    Lisa ·
    Why is it ok for military not to bring their spouse but it's ok for your family ? Your family also knows eachother so why doesnt the same reasoning apply to them? Your reason is flawed.
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    Super May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    It’s incredibly rude to invite guests without their spouses. You’re saying “come spend money on celebrating our relationship” while totally disrespecting theirs. Partners are not plus ones. You shouldn’t ever split up a social unit, which is what a couple is.
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    Couples, whether married or dating, are social units and should be treated as such. It would be extremely rude to exclude someone’s spouse. If you can’t afford to host both halves of the couple, don’t invite either of them.
  • Kat
    Expert May 2019
    Kat ·
    Of course their spouses need to be invited.
  • Sara
    VIP October 2019
    Sara ·

    Agreed with all - spouses come as a unit, not as a plus-one. If you can't fit all of them, I'd recommend trimming your guest list.

  • Megan
    Devoted October 2019
    Megan ·
    I have to agree with everyone above... a plus one is for single people to have the option of bringing someone. Couples typically get addressed together, even if they're just dating. We cut plus ones for the singles on our guest list to help. If the number is too high with spouses, it may be time to look at trimming your guest list down as Sara suggested. Good luck.
  • Andrea
    Super October 2019
    Andrea ·
    You should always invite spouses. You may need to limit the number of guests you invite.
  • Mariana
    Dedicated October 2019
    Mariana ·
    Here in PR weddings are kind of confusing. Some people go by the book on that and add the +1 and even +2. Others, and I went through this line, just invite the people who somehow were part of our journey. Some of them have spouses alone we know, so we included them, some we know barely but still included them. But those we didn't know and never actually met or even gave us the "thumbs up", we didn't add. Just adressed the invitation towards the one or two people we meant to invite. We didn't want to exceed on too much people either, plus we're the ones paying for everything.
  • Lady ·

    Yes, you invite everyone's spouse. If you need to trim your guest list than trim the number of couples invited, do not eliminate invites for spouses.

  • idosoon
    Devoted February 2020
    idosoon ·

    Question here, who is considered single? Bf/Gf = single right? What about long term relationships? Folks who are not married but have been together? I'm guessing you use your best judgement with this or is there a general rule to relationship status as well? @ Jocelyn, I totally understand this challenge having lots of folks to consider on your guest list. It's extremely difficult.

  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·

    Yes, it's rude to not invite spouses and/or significant others. Plus ones are only for single people, who may not know anyone, and you want them to feel comfortable by allowing them to bring a date. People in relationships (bf/gf, living together, engaged, married) are considered a social "unit" and should always be invited together.

    If that makes for too large a guest list, you'll need to make some cuts.

  • FutureMrsD
    Legend July 2019
    FutureMrsD ·

    I personally would never attend a wedding where my husband wasn't invited with me (even when he was just my boyfriend or fiance) and same for him. A significant other isn't a "plus one", it's assumed the spouse can attend.

  • FutureStephD
    Super March 2019
    FutureStephD ·

    Agreeing with others.

    Unfortunately, this is where you have a decision to make - increase the guest list, or start removing couples. It's unfortunate but most people have a budget/ venue restrictions etc.

    Good luck!

  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
    View Quoted Comment

    A person is considered single if he/she is not in a relationship. A boyfriend/girlfriend is considered a relationship. The general rule is that anyone who is in a relationship at the time the invitations go out must have their name and their partner's name on the invitation.

  • Alyx
    Savvy August 2020
    Alyx ·

    A "plus one" is usually considered for the single guests. You cannot in good conscience invite 1/2 of a couple. In all honesty if I received an invite and my spouse / partner was not invited as well. I wouldn't go to the wedding. You are being inconsiderate. The way I look at my invite list is simple: Would you invite them to your home for a BBQ? Would you consider them close enough to you to welcome them into your home? If they needed a place to stay.. are you close enough to them to offer a spare bedroom or a couch for the evening?

  • Sherry
    VIP September 2019
    Sherry ·

    If I got an invite and my spouse was not invited, I would not attend. If that is your strategy to keep your guest list down, good job!

  • Alyssa
    Savvy January 2020
    Alyssa ·

    As a person who has been in a long term relationship for a LONG TIME, make sure those who have been together for more than a year are both invited, even if not married. My partner and I were always included as guests to all the weddings we were invited to, and it really meant a lot to be both included. If it's someone, for example, your friend/cousin/sibling has only just started dating before the wedding, might not be appropriate. If they live together, they both should get invited... but that doesn't mean they need to be in the family photos. Good luck!

  • Shayna
    Super November 2020
    Shayna ·
    If they are married or in a relationship they should have a plus one.. you are better off cutting down somewhere else if budget is an issue with that — less spent elsewhere and sent the plus ones !
  • A
    Master October 2019
    Angelena ·

    We invited all military spouses and SO's. Those who were truly single, we didn't give plus ones. We didn't give plus ones to anyone. This is where we ran into problems too because I urged FH to keep his list small with the military friends he most interacted with and he went haywire inviting like his entire unit. It added up to a lot but we are still missing a lot of their RSVPs so maybe many won't be able to come.

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